CreativeNan is offline CreativeNan Post #1  October 24,2010, 8:55am
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That is a loaded question isn't it?
I listen watch and learn about the person in order to gage a person's emotional health.

One match asked this as one of the stage 3 questions. I answered openly and honestly. I do believe that I am emotionally healthy and have a good attitude about life. I was descriptive and light hearted in the response. He closed me out at this stage.

Along with my responses to his questions, I sent him my questions. There could be a variety of reasons why he chose to close me,. I am not contemplating why he closed. I considered closing him after reading his CS's, but I decided to continue.

I really am curious about what kind of a response one is looking for when asking this question. Share you thought.
 
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boschimsp is online now boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  October 24,2010, 10:12am
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I only asked that question once - by accident. My guess is if someone asked it they probably had a very specific issue in the past with a significant other, friend or family member.

I guess I never worry too much if someone closes me out based on my open ended answers. I'm always very honest and feel like unless there is some sort of glaring thing in their answer, it's way too little to rule someone out on.

That said, I think you never know what's going to be appealing or unappealing to someone. I know a poster on here once said they tend to be less interested in people who are very into traveling (I would personally be the opposite). I on the other hand had a match the other day who was clearly borderline obsessed with a local sports team. Most people would find this appealing but I, as someone who is not that into sports, did not.
 
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beebee111 is offline beebee111 Post #3  October 24,2010, 10:15am
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I am puzzled by this MH as well. It is open to myriad interpretations. For me, it sounds like someone is carrying some baggage with regard to having been in a relationship with someone who is either completely neurotic or emotionally dead. Not necessarily a bad thing in either case, but it does cause me to go "huh?"
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #4  October 24,2010, 10:32am
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boschimsp wrote :
My guess is if someone asked it they probably had a very specific issue in the past with a significant other, friend or family member.
I think most people have these kind off things affecting their choices.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #5  October 24,2010, 10:43am
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*poof*
Last edited by Special-K; October 24,2010 at 10:46am. Reason: 'cause I should learn to read before I submit posts... lol!
 
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pammersw is offline pammersw Post #6  October 24,2010, 11:00am
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I've never asked the "emotionally healthy" open-ended question, whatever it is, but do want someone emotionally healthy. It is nearly impossible to have a relationship with someone who is mentally or emotionally unhealthy.
 
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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #7  October 24,2010, 11:38am
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Like IS4L noted, I think we all have these things in the back of our minds. The question is, how do you approach this subject with tact, yet at an early enough stage that breaking it off is not difficult if you get a non-favorable answer?

A friend and I were discussing the "do you require meds" question. She said she had a guy ask her that on the first date and thought it was strange... but I think I'd want to know pretty early in an interaction with someone if they require medication to be stable. Unless you've lived with someone who has required meds - it's not a question that you'd think to ask.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  October 24,2010, 12:23pm

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Hi CreativeNan,

Well, I see you’re not as much asking about why this match may have closed you, but more about what could be behind someone’s asking “do you consider yourself emotionally healthy?” in the Open-ended Questions.

I think it’s pretty universal to desire to be in a relationship with an “emotionally healthy” person. I personally think it’s a great question to ask, because it brings the matter up for discussion.

At the same time, I have noticed that different people have completely different definitions for “emotionally healthy”:

At one end of the spectrum of definitions, the asker could believe that “emotionally healthy” means being from a stable background, or coming from a happy, healthy, “functional” family. Emotionally healthy, in this case, may describe a person who doesn’t have a lot of issues or baggage, and is well-adjusted.

On the other end of the spectrum, I have noticed that others are digging to find out if someone has dealt with their baggage, issues, family background, or traumas. For example, the person asking the question may define “emotionally healthy” as having been through therapy.

I don’t believe either definition is right or wrong, it’s more about what the asker is looking for. So in that case, I don’t believe there’s a wrong answer, either. It’s about finding out if the match has potential.

Personally, I also think that it’s good to continue on in the communication when in doubt. I think it’s a shame to close the match prematurely, so sorry that happened in this case.

Good luck as your search continues, CreativeNan!

~Kate
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Co6aka is offline Co6aka Post #9  October 24,2010, 12:33pm
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Most of the matches I've exchanged MH/CS with have included "Emotionally Healthy" in theirs. I don't because, IMHO, if you're not then you have no business looking for an emotional relationship, so it seems pointless. Also, the truly-unhealthy usually don't think of themselves as such, and probably would never admit it.

OTOH, we're all "unhealthy" to some degree (c'mon, ADMIT IT! ) and someone who'd candidly fess-up to their own "unhealthinesses" is healthy in my book.

Sparkles56 wrote :
Unless you've lived with someone who has required meds...
Well, I lived with someone who drove me TO meds! Specifically THIS one. And now... well, I've never felt better, or been as healthy!

Sometimes when I'm bored (ex- waiting in the infinite-eternal-checkout line) I'll recall something one of my exes did or said and bust-out laughing, and everyone looks at me with wonder, so I tell them, "Delayed reaction; it wasn't funny when it happened." Anyway, when one of my matches asked me if I was healthy I told her that story. She immediately told me I was obviously very unhealthy and that she didn't want to communicate any further, so good-bye and good-luck, SLAM-BAM, (thank-you Ma'am!) Now, IMHO, she is the unhealthy one; obviously carrying a WHOLELOTTA bitterness!

Whatever.
 
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CreativeNan is offline CreativeNan Post #10  October 24,2010, 2:56pm
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate wrote :
Hi CreativeNan,

Well, I see you’re not as much asking about why this match may have closed you, but more about what could be behind someone’s asking “do you consider yourself emotionally healthy?” in the Open-ended Questions.


At the same time, I have noticed that different people have completely different definitions for “emotionally healthy”:

~Kate
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Co6aka wrote :
OTOH, we're all "unhealthy" to some degree (c'mon, ADMIT IT! ) and someone who'd candidly fess-up to their own "unhealthinesses" is healthy in my book.



Well, I lived with someone who drove me TO meds! Specifically THIS one. And now... well, I've never felt better, or been as healthy!
.
I appreciate the diffferent perspectives.
Co6aka, I would have laughed at your story.

I tend to agree that there are variying degrees of emotional healthiness and that we all have issues of some kind.

My gage for emotional health is how well you know yourself and how you deal with people and life in general. No one is perfect.
I did state in my reply that I do believe I am healthy, And that I do have my moments . I was being honest, I do not always handle my emotions perfectly, but I know this about me. I correct my wrong and continue with life.
I won't ever know why this guys closed me out. It doesn't matter. For all I know it may have been my reply to the other two questions or he didn't like the questions I asked.
 
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