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AZNormal is offline AZNormal Post #1  October 23,2010, 12:50pm
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is happy.

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Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 5

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Here is my profile. I'm looking for a male, ages 45-55 in Arizona. See what is good and not so good in my profile and advise if I need to make any changes. Thanks for your help.



The one thing I am most passionate about:
Being the best that I can be towards others.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is: There isn't just one thing since many things are important to have a successful relationship. The top of my list is loyalty, humorous and can talk openly with me.


Basic Information

Occupation:Aerospace Age50Height5' 7" Wants Kids:NoKids at Home:No
EthnicityWhite, non-HispanicReligion:Christian Drinks:About once a weekSmokes:Several times a week


In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:

My brothers. They are well grounded and older than me so they have shared what to do and not do in life to make it truly rich and flavorful.


The three things which I am most thankful for:
  • I'm still breathing
  • My family
  • My job
Three of my best life-skills are:
  • Making improvements and repairs around the house
  • Achieving personal goals
  • Managing my finances

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

I tend to be a little on the shy side when you first meet me but I am really an outgoing person that likes to be active and playful. I have a spontaneous nature about myself. Always ready to go do something. I'm somewhat independent but have room for a relationship.


The things I can't live without are:
  • Loyalty
  • Good morals
  • Laughter
  • Good communicator
  • Active

The first thing people notice about me:

My smile for sure and then my eyes.


Some additional information I want you to know:

Yes I'm happy, single and secure with who I am. I'm looking for a true gentleman that is secure with who he is, knows what he wants and can share his life with me. Someone that doesn't want a "Ginger" but instead wants a "Maryann". A man that can talk openly, has goals, can show their emotions outwardly, likes adventure and has an active lifestyle is the one for me. Are you out there? Someone that is looking for a longterm monogamous relationship. I enjoy staying busy doing things. I am sponteneous and can go on the fly. I am easy to talk to and get along with.


My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:

working out at the gym, visiting family and friends, being active.

The last book I read and enjoyed:

I don't read much.


According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:
  • Funny
  • Easy-Going
  • Caring
  • Spontaneous
 
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melman is offline melman Post #2  October 23,2010, 1:44pm
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Posts: 2,944

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We haven't had many profiles to review lately. So you may want to look back a few pages at some other profile reviews we have done recently.

It appears that you have made most of the standard "mistakes" that tend to make your profile kind of fade into the background. It's not a profile would get my attention and make me think "hey, now this is someone I need to meet." (We would not be matched, due to your smoking. But let's ignore that.)

Here are the things that you need to work on.

1. The "passion" answer is most important. It should give the reader an active, positive image of what your life is like. It should talk about that one thing that your best friend would mention, if he/she was trying to get someone to ask you out. Cliche answers like "I'm nice", "I life life to the fullest", or the answer you gave simply don't tell me anything, and I will not read the rest of the profile with much interest.

2. "I'm still breathing". Can't tell if you are being sarcastic, or if you have/have had a health problem.

3. If you read other reviews, you will see that everyone says "I'm shy at first". Why do people do that? It's not like we join eH hoping to meet a shy person. So don't write about shyness.

4. Last book read - do you think guys are looking for a woman who doesn't read? Answer the question. Pick something you have read recently and write a sentence or two.

5. Leisure time - "being active" is insufficient. Write about your activities. Give someone a reason to want to communicate with you.

Hope this is helpful.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  October 24,2010, 6:58am
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- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

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Posts: 31,699

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My comments are in blue text. Red is something you wrote that I especially think you should change.


AZNormal wrote :
The one thing I am most passionate about: Being the best that I can be towards others.

Examples or more information, please! I roll my eyes at this.


The most important thing I am looking for in a person is: There isn't just one thing since many things are important to have a successful relationship. The top of my list is loyalty, humorous and can talk openly with me.

Cliche answer. It is also a list, when the question states "most important." Also, a word like "loyalty" sounds like baggage. If you want a humorous mate, it is best to display humor in your own profile - not list it as something you want.

Basic Information

Occupation:Aerospace Age50Height5' 7" Wants Kids:NoKids at Home:No
EthnicityWhite, non-HispanicReligion:Christian Drinks:About once a weekSmokes:Several times a week

Please be more specific in your occupation (lack of specific implies clerical or entry level, which I would close for.) I also close for smoking; since relatively few US adults still smoke, quitting should yield several times the number of matches ... something to think about, at least.


In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:

My brothers. They are well grounded and older than me so they have shared what to do and not do in life to make it truly rich and flavorful.

Examples? Some detail about why you are better or more successful due to this person? This is not an important part of the profile, but it is a chance to sneak in a favorable detail about yourself that doesn't quite fit anywhere else.


The three things which I am most thankful for:
  • I'm still breathing
  • My family
  • My job
Again, better to expand on each of these. Say why. "Still breathing" implies a health problem - I would not allude to this, even if it's true.


Three of my best life-skills are:
  • Making improvements and repairs around the house
  • Achieving personal goals
  • Managing my finances
These are good.



The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

I tend to be a little on the shy side when you first meet me but I am really an outgoing person that likes to be active and playful. I have a spontaneous nature about myself. Always ready to go do something. I'm somewhat independent but have room for a relationship.

I would get rid of the "shy" part. "Independent" is a risk - some people will be turned off by this - but I am fine with it.


The first thing people notice about me:

My smile for sure and then my eyes.

Nope. A personality or values answer, please. Best to let photos speak to your appearance.


Some additional information I want you to know:

Yes I'm happy, single and secure with who I am. I'm looking for a true gentleman that is secure with who he is, knows what he wants and can share his life with me. Someone that doesn't want a "Ginger" but instead wants a "Maryann". A man that can talk openly, has goals, can show their emotions outwardly, likes adventure and has an active lifestyle is the one for me. Are you out there? Someone that is looking for a longterm monogamous relationship. I enjoy staying busy doing things. I am sponteneous and can go on the fly. I am easy to talk to and get along with.

This is way too needy. I would try to rewrite this. "True gentleman" and "goals" is risky - these are gold-digger terms. Unknown referances aren't good. "Active lifestyle" ... does this mean physically able to complete 9 holes of golf, or competitive mountain bike racing? More specificity is needed.

The best way to get what you want is to be what you want, and display it in your own profile. Lists and demands totally turn me off.

My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:

working out at the gym, visiting family and friends, being active.

More specific, please.


The last book I read and enjoyed:

I don't read much.

Can you?! Just pick something - it doesn't matter if it was years ago. Even if you list a newpaper (no defensive or excusing phrasing, either.)


According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:
  • Funny
  • Easy-Going
  • Caring
  • Spontaneous

I think effort is needed, here. I encourage you to review some of the other profiles which have been posted, consider the changes, and then post your new version again (do not edit the OP, make a new post or thread.)
 
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annother is offline annother Post #4  October 24,2010, 7:47am
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Joined: Apr 2010

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Posts: 10,735

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I agree with Melman and DL's comments. You seem to be trying to appeal to a broad audience, but really you only want to attract a small audience--the men with whom you are compatible.

Using broad terms and abstract concepts may seem to accommodate a lot of possibilities, but in a dating profile they just make you seem vague and not particularly interesting. You will become more "real" and intriguing when you give the reader more examples and particulars.
 
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AZNormal is offline AZNormal Post #5  October 24,2010, 1:33pm
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is happy.

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Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 5

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Thank you for your honesty and I will re-write accordingly. This is what I needed to know.
 
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