Experiment: Jump Right to Email vs. Guided Communication


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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #1  October 17,2010, 9:38am
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Hi Everybody!

I am going to conduct an experiment. For the next 10 matches that really pique my interest, I'm going to jump to e-mail instead of going through guided communication.

The goal with this idea is to stand out from others. Of course, I don't know if that will cause me to stand out in a negative manner - and I don't know how many other men who are using the site with amicable goals in mind (i.e. they aren't trying to 'fix themselves' or 'hook up' or 'penpal') do this.

The first match I got on eH last week - we really hit it off. Once we got through the GC, I told her I was glad that we could really talk openly instead of being led through a tube by our noses. She indicated that she normally prefers open communication, but guys that she's initiated OC with say it's aggressive or needy. But it fit my style just fine.

So on one hand, a woman who is receptive to OC is probably one who I'd get along with.

But there's a flip side: time spent vs. the chance that I'll get a positive response. I mean, if I have 7 new matches in a day, it takes me all of 3 minutes to go through those profiles and hit the 'send questions' button on each of the interesting profiles. And I'd realistically expect to get a response from maybe 1 of those, if that.

There are two categories of matches I'd spend the time to compose an initial email. Those who seem "interesting" and those who seem "really, really" interesting. The others who are mild possibilities get the questions. With the "interesting" matches, maybe she seems like a good candidate but I need to do some research on items in her profile to sound engaging... perhaps 20 minutes? And the matches who are "really" interesting don't require as much research because I already know enough about something or things in her profile to engage her. So they might take 10-15 minutes to write a decent email.

I normally keep the initial email to a few paragraphs and invite her to continue the conversation... maybe a thousand words total.

So the question is, how much does doing this increase the chance of a communication? I guess I'll find out!

Any ideas, thoughts, insights, experience is greatly appreciated.

Cheers,
-Sp
 
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beasioux is offline beasioux Post #2  October 17,2010, 11:09am
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I guess they use to have the option to list which you preferred: GC or Straight to Email - maybe they should bring that back.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #3  October 17,2010, 11:10am
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wrote :
The goal with this idea is to stand out from others. Of course, I don't know if that will cause me to stand out in a negative manner
You know this is something I wish e-harmony would bring back. They used to display your communication preference on your profile, so if a match preferred fastrack ( eH-email)....you knew right away..

IMO more people prefer the GC.. but usually its those who came from other sites where spray n pray was the norm




Good luck with your experiment..


ETA: you could also write a small blurb in your profile.
if you prefer to skip GC.. let me know via ice-breaker
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 17,2010 at 11:15am.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #4  October 17,2010, 12:21pm
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When I was subscribed, most women preferred to go through the GC steps. I've had a couple matches that communication stalled with the step 3 questions and I used that time to request to skip to open communication and that seemed to work. But that's just me.
Sparkles56 wrote :
I normally keep the initial email to a few paragraphs and invite her to continue the conversation... maybe a thousand words total.
A thousand words seems almost like an essay and I prefer to keep it a lot shorter than that for a couple e-mails, then meet. But again, that's just me.

YMMV. Let us know how it works. A number of women may get scared off but maybe that type wouldn't work for you anyway.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #5  October 17,2010, 12:22pm
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
ETA: you could also write a small blurb in your profile.
if you prefer to skip GC.. let me know via ice-breaker
Good idea.
 
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Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #6  October 17,2010, 12:34pm
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tweet37 wrote :
A thousand words seems almost like an essay and I prefer to keep it a lot shorter than that for a couple e-mails, then meet. But again, that's just me.
Oh wow I said 1,000 words. I mean 1,000 letters. Not much more than maybe half a printed page? I really thought about how much I should write. I begin with a short paragraph explaining why I jumped to OC and then have a couple of paragraphs "interacting" with a few things I see on her profile.

On one hand, too short of an e-mail doesn't give her anything to be intrigued about... it's just like a long icebreaker. She'd get it and be like so what?

But too long an e-mail is presumptuous and her attention would start to wane. Don't want to bore her right off the bat! But I've got to give her some kind of nugget with which to engage.

A first note might consist of: Hello Megan, I've been on eH for a few weeks now and I've been through guided communication a couple of times. I find it limiting and impersonal, so I thought I'd introduce myself via e-mail. Hopefully you won't mind my direct approach. But the kind of women I'll get along with usually don't mind (or actually prefer) going right to e-mail. The way I figure it is we'll either hit it off or we won't - but either way it'll be fun getting to know each other.

There's one thing on your profile that really caught my eye... {more stuff}

I'm going to keep this one short because I've got a busy day ahead of me. Take a look at my profile, and if it pleases you, I'd enjoy hearing back.

I'm obviously going to have to tailor that if the first few passes don't work. And I am reserving this for the matches that, based on profile, I think would be receptive to it.

Cheers,
-Sp
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #7  October 17,2010, 12:42pm
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I think you will lose their attention with the first paragraph being about you and what other women did...

Also this may work on a newbie, but any experienced e-dater will know this is a canned email, so you lose points there too
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  October 17,2010, 12:44pm
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This won't work. It's short, but it's still an essay.

You are apologizing for the way you are communicating. Thinking out loud. It's very unappealing.

Get to the point. If you are interested in something in the profile, talk about it. And only that. Question what she wrote or ask her to explain what she wrote.

Your closing is a dud too. "If my profile pleases you, I'd enjoy hearing back." ??? You are planting the idea that it won't. An effective close is a simple call to action like "Write back soon."

These concepts apply to GC as well as to OC/email. Less is almost always better.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #9  October 17,2010, 12:54pm
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Yep.. I agree with melman..

Your email is basically an invitation and explanation, not a call to action...
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #10  October 17,2010, 12:56pm
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Sparkles56 wrote :
Oh wow I said 1,000 words. I mean 1,000 letters. Not much more than maybe half a printed page? I really thought about how much I should write. I begin with a short paragraph explaining why I jumped to OC and then have a couple of paragraphs "interacting" with a few things I see on her profile.

On one hand, too short of an e-mail doesn't give her anything to be intrigued about... it's just like a long icebreaker. She'd get it and be like so what?

But too long an e-mail is presumptuous and her attention would start to wane. Don't want to bore her right off the bat! But I've got to give her some kind of nugget with which to engage.

A first note might consist of: Hello Megan, I've been on eH for a few weeks now and I've been through guided communication a couple of times. I find it limiting and impersonal, so I thought I'd introduce myself via e-mail. Hopefully you won't mind my direct approach. But the kind of women I'll get along with usually don't mind (or actually prefer) going right to e-mail. The way I figure it is we'll either hit it off or we won't - but either way it'll be fun getting to know each other.

There's one thing on your profile that really caught my eye... {more stuff}

I'm going to keep this one short because I've got a busy day ahead of me. Take a look at my profile, and if it pleases you, I'd enjoy hearing back.

I'm obviously going to have to tailor that if the first few passes don't work. And I am reserving this for the matches that, based on profile, I think would be receptive to it.

Cheers,
-Sp
If I received the above message I would immediately assume it was a copy-and-paste canned response, or most likely a spa mmer, writing form the wilds of Nigeria, and the next email would offer me his love if only I would send him $65,000.
I don't think the email plan is a bad idea at all, to me it says "Wow, this guy is really interested!" Just consider losing the artificial form letter and be genuine.
 
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