Mythical is offline Mythical Post #1  October 17,2010, 9:14am
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I understand the security behind using first names on eHarmony and it's nice that we aren't using some random user name (like 'Mythical' lol).

But my question is when does everyone usually swap last names?

I've talked with several people in OC and been on 1st,2nd dates with matches and It's funny to admit that I still don't know any of my matches last names. It just never really came up.

So, what's normal?
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  October 17,2010, 9:36am
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I don't know if there is a norm...

For me, any match that I give my personal addy to will then know last name.. I will usually ask on the first phone call..


Not so much for the guys, but the women should know their matches last name prior to the first meet..
 
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melman is offline melman Post #3  October 17,2010, 9:37am
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I don't think there is a universal "normal".

Some people insist on knowing full names and phone numbers before meeting.

My experience is like yours. Until you've met a couple times and decided to go into more serious dating, I see no need for exchanging full name, phone numbers, home address, etc. It doesn't give me any additional comfort to know these things. In fact, it makes me a bit uncomfortable to give personal info to a total stranger.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  October 17,2010, 9:42am
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A stranger on the internet has no justification for knowing my name, where I live, or where I work.

There are too many fraunds online - and dating sites is one place frauds look for victims.

Until I have met in person, and established there is a real person, who is faithful to their pictures and commuication history, any personally-identifying detail is innapropriate.

From time to time, on a case-by-case basis I have shared pieces of the above information, as necessary to make the logistics necessary to meet.

Being asked is close to a deal-breaker (I have closed for invasive and unnecessary questions.)

Any person who requests information which they are unwilling to provide of themselves, is a close, always.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #5  October 17,2010, 10:09am
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I will not agree to meet someone in person without a last name. This being the case, I do not ask for this until plans are firm for a meeting. And I can't recall actually having to ask, I find it has always been shared when meetings are planned.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  October 17,2010, 10:09am
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If I'm going to meet someone who lives out of the area, then yes, last names are required. If I'm just meeting a date at the local coffee shop, I really don't care. I know enough people around here that I could find out quickly enough.

If someone has "issues" with telling me their last name I would most likely stop contact with them. I feel I ask far enough along in communication that it shouldn't be a big deal.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #7  October 17,2010, 10:17am
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Dropdeadredtx wrote :
I will not agree to meet someone in person without a last name. This being the case, I do not ask for this until plans are firm for a meeting. And I can't recall actually having to ask, I find it has always been shared when meetings are planned.
I have never had a first meeting where I knew the match's last name.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  October 17,2010, 10:28am
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Dropdeadredtx wrote :
I will not agree to meet someone in person without a last name. This being the case, I do not ask for this until plans are firm for a meeting. And I can't recall actually having to ask, I find it has always been shared when meetings are planned.

I closed a woman a few months ago for asking early in OC.

Once I communiate, I am already prepared to meet. A match putting up hoops to jump through is the wrong attitude, when they should be grateful for having received an invitation, and enthusiastic for meeting.

Now, I have no idea how you ask, but my recommendation is to ask in the same message as your provide yours - this is generally how I ask any question, so I am always providing any piece of information which I am seeking.

I understand your point, since you intend to meet, but there are too many flaky people, deceiptful people, etc.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #9  October 17,2010, 11:01am
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D_Lion wrote :
I closed a woman a few months ago for asking early in OC.

Once I communiate, I am already prepared to meet. A match putting up hoops to jump through is the wrong attitude, when they should be grateful for having received an invitation, and enthusiastic for meeting.

Now, I have no idea how you ask, but my recommendation is to ask in the same message as your provide yours - this is generally how I ask any question, so I am always providing any piece of information which I am seeking.

I understand your point, since you intend to meet, but there are too many flaky people, deceiptful people, etc.
DL, I was not saying I ask early in OC; I usually exchange this information in the phone call that is confirming meeting plans and making final arrangements. I will say something like "I look forward to seeing you Saturday at the Bistro; let me give you my cell number just in case someone is running late. I am Dropdeadred Texas, by the way."
I have never had anyone not offer their full name in return.
 
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gothustartus is offline gothustartus Post #10  October 17,2010, 11:21am
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You don't have to swap full names in the first email by any means, but by the time you get to an actual date you should know who you're talking to and agreeing to meet. If you can't give a dates full name to a friend before you go out with them, then don't go out with them. They have their right to privacy but you have your right to safety, and in my book safety holds the trump card.
 
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