Initiating communication with all of your matches?


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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #1  October 17,2010, 8:19am
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eHarmony encourages members to initiate communication with all of their matches. The article says that even if you don’t find someone physically attractive in the conventional sense that there will be many other things which you will find very attractive. As a paying member here exclusively for marriage, I completely agree with this philosophy. The problem I have, however, is that some matches seem to be offended when they discover that you have contacted them and are communicating with other matches at the same time.

What are your feelings on this? Does it offend you if someone initiates communication with you and is communicating with others too? Would it help if I put this fact somewhere on my profile or is it just the idea that the communication is not exclusive?

I can understand why someone might have a problem if I was dating multiple matches (a topic for another post), but I don’t get why people have issues with communicating with multiple matches. Please share your thoughts on this.
 
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jms974 is offline jms974 Post #2  October 17,2010, 8:29am
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I personally don't see anything wrong with communicating with more than one of your matches. It's not like you're in an exclusive relationship with any of them. To me one of the reasons for dating around is to find out what you want (if you don't know already) and find someone who many fit many of the things you're looking for in a mate. Just have fun with it and see what happens!
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  October 17,2010, 8:38am
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Diana_P wrote :

What are your feelings on this? Does it offend you if someone initiates communication with you and is communicating with others too? Would it help if I put this fact somewhere on my profile or is it just the idea that the communication is not exclusive?

I can understand why someone might have a problem if I was dating multiple matches (a topic for another post), but I don’t get why people have issues with communicating with multiple matches. Please share your thoughts on this.
I never ask if they are communicating with others because, well...it's none of my business.
I also never assume others I am seeing/dating are NOT seeing others, until we have the "talk"..
I don't assume anything, really.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #4  October 17,2010, 8:52am
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Here are my thoughts.. take whatever e-harmony suggests and do the exact opposite..

If I don't find someone physically attractive then why waste their time and mine. No amount of getting to know them better or number of dates is going to change that. Unfornutely we are matched with absolute no-ways..

This works in ones social-circle, but has no place in e-dating.

To me if someone is offended that I am communicating with other matches prior to even meeting, then that would be a flag, either they are extremely insecure or delusional.

Considering the average length of time it takes to get through GC, then into OC..and schedule a date. This would not be good time managment. As much as I dislike the phrase, e-dating is a numbers game, but that doesn't meanI should be communicating with everyone..

I wouldn't put a blurb in your profile about communicating with mulitple-matches..This is a unwritten rule in the e-dating world.

and I agree multi-dating is a whole other topic..fwiw I don't consider meeting multiple matches "dating"..

 
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CreativeNan is offline CreativeNan Post #5  October 17,2010, 8:57am
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TheThinker wrote :
I never ask if they are communicating with others because, well...it's none of my business.
I also never assume others I am seeing/dating are NOT seeing others, until we have the "talk"..
I don't assume anything, really.
I feel the same way...

I have been questioned aabout th very same thing. It seems some of the men I have communicated with expected me to be exclusively communicationg with them, but I know darn well they are communicating/dating multiple women. One even boasted about it. Silly boys, lol
 
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Mythical is offline Mythical Post #6  October 17,2010, 9:49am
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It's pretty standard that people are communicating with other matches. Once I get to the dating stage, I like to focus on that one person, but that's my preference and I don't assume that they do the same.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  October 17,2010, 10:17am
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It does not make sense to me to expect someone I've never met to stop talking to all other women. I would guess people who get upset about it are over-investing in what is an online-only "relationship".
 
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