alw7891 is offline alw7891 Post #1  October 16,2010, 8:06pm
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Okay, so I'm pretty new to eH and I'm just wondering how long should you wait to meet someone once you've reached the email phase? For instance, I've been emailing with one match for almost a month...probably 12 emails total. Is there a certain amount of time you should wait to actually meet? And to all you guys out there...if you're really interested in someone, will you be the one to ask to meet or are you really waiting for the girl to do it?
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  October 16,2010, 8:21pm
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Hi alw7891.. Welcome to the boards..

I would have asked to meet 10 emails ago.. IMO a month is way too long, unless this is a long-distance match, what you have is a pen-pal not a romantic interest. Spending too much in email builds a false perception of that person, and you could be setting yourself up for dissappointment(time wasted) You really have to meet your match in person to truly know if you'll click.. Everyone has a different idea on when to meet. You need to do what best for you and what you are comfortable with..


My opinion is- the sooner the better, which is usually within a week of reaching OC (open communication)


In this situation, I would suggest you bring it up to your match.. sometimes people need a swift kick!
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 16,2010 at 8:37pm.
 
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Mythical is offline Mythical Post #3  October 17,2010, 6:51am
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Yeah, meet asap after you get to OC. Remember, eHarmony is an introduction service. If a friend sets you up with someone to date, do you email for a month, or do you call them and get together?
 
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chawks64 is offline chawks64 Post #4  October 17,2010, 6:56am
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
Hi alw7891.. Welcome to the boards..

I would have asked to meet 10 emails ago.. IMO a month is way too long, unless this is a long-distance match, what you have is a pen-pal not a romantic interest. Spending too much in email builds a false perception of that person, and you could be setting yourself up for dissappointment(time wasted) You really have to meet your match in person to truly know if you'll click.. Everyone has a different idea on when to meet. You need to do what best for you and what you are comfortable with..


My opinion is- the sooner the better, which is usually within a week of reaching OC (open communication)


In this situation, I would suggest you bring it up to your match.. sometimes people need a swift kick!
Yup. Exactly.

I have found what has worked best (for me) is an email or two, followed by a phone call, during which you set up a first in-person meeting. Putting off that meeting just makes for wasted time that you could be spending either with that person or focusing on someone else more suitable.

If it's not long distance, I would suggest meeting if I were you. It's okay for the woman to do that - some of the guys are waiting because they don't know if the woman is comfortable and worried about safety issues, so if the woman isn't the type to bring up meeting, it can stretch out forever. Just say something like "I'd really like to meet you in person. How's your schedule?"
 
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alw7891 is offline alw7891 Post #5  October 17,2010, 9:07am
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Thanks for all the advice !
I think I was a little unsure if it was okay for me to be the one to express the want to meet in person. Thanks much!
 
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annother is offline annother Post #6  October 17,2010, 10:20am
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alw7891 wrote :
Thanks for all the advice !
I think I was a little unsure if it was okay for me to be the one to express the want to meet in person. Thanks much!
Yes, absolutely, you can be the one to ask to meet. In fact, I would have done this much sooner.

I have found that sometimes I may get along really well with someone through email, but that it really doesn't work out well in person. The earlier you find this out, the better.
 
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boschimsp is online now boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  October 17,2010, 6:49pm
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Agreed with all the above points. I will also add that I have been the girl who has been the person who has finally broken that long stream of communications and said, "Let's meet." I should also add that being the woman and doing this does not necessarily mean that they are less interested in you. I've been the one to do this in many cases and have gone on to be pursued by the guys, i.e. getting clear signs that they are very interested in me. As a result, I have NO problem doing it.
 
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CreativeNan is offline CreativeNan Post #8  October 18,2010, 7:12am
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
Hi alw7891.. Welcome to the boards..

I would have asked to meet 10 emails ago.. IMO a month is way too long, unless this is a long-distance match, what you have is a pen-pal not a romantic interest. Spending too much in email builds a false perception of that person, and you could be setting yourself up for dissappointment(time wasted) You really have to meet your match in person to truly know if you'll click.. Everyone has a different idea on when to meet. You need to do what best for you and what you are comfortable with..


My opinion is- the sooner the better, which is usually within a week of reaching OC (open communication)


In this situation, I would suggest you bring it up to your match.. sometimes people need a swift kick!
While I tend to agree with Trek, I have a different perspective...
I know 5 couples who have met and married through EH. Two of the couples emailed for months before they met...
My one friend stated she really just wanted to know he was serious about a relationship. She does admit she grilled her now husband mercilessly. My other friend just took the whole thing very casually. She just decided to wait until he was ready to meet.
I suppose it depends on the individuals involved...
 
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