Should you communicate with every match that tries to communicate with you?

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ELAINEMARIE Post #1 October 16,2010, 1:11pm

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I'm new to Eharmony, I just joined in 0910, some of my matches have been trying to communicate with me, by sending me the first five questions. My question is if you don't think you would be interested in meeting them, because of their looks or profile. do you still go ahead and communicate with them just to be nice?

I had one man that I didn't answer his questions, because I was waiting for the another man that I have been emailing back and forth to reply to me, then the man that sent me the questions eventually closed me out, which later I regretted, but I thought he would had been interesting to communicate with. Now Im have another man that sent me five questions, I dont think I would be interested in him due to his looks, do you just normally close someone out that you don't want to communicate with? thanks

TrekRyder10 Post #2 October 16,2010, 1:17pm

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No... if you are not interested in a match for whatever reason, the proper thing to do is close them out... don't ignore or archive.. you need to close!

Also it's perfectly acceptable to be communicating with more than one match at a time, don't play favorites or put your eggs into one basket.

Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 16,2010 at 8:28pm.

Co6aka Post #3 October 16,2010, 3:32pm

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ELAINEMARIE wrote :

...if you don't think you would be interested in meeting them, because of their looks or profile. do you still go ahead and communicate with them just to be nice?

Well, I consider doing that to be inconsiderate and selfish: I'm spending my money and time on eH, which is a relationship-site not a penpal-site, because I'm serious about finding the woman of my 29 dimensions, so I don't appreciate all the gameswomanship I've experienced; I have a life, work, play, etcetera, and my time is valuable to me, and limited to 24-hours/day, and with every passing day I'm not getting any younger; and teenage games are for teenagers.

ELAINEMARIE wrote :

I had one man that I didn't answer his questions...

If you asked someone a question and they ignored you, how would you feel? Either answer them or close; anything else is just plain rude. (Think: Close = "No thanks, good luck!")

ELAINEMARIE wrote :

...then the man...eventually closed me out, which later I regretted, but I thought he would had been interesting to communicate with.

As my family used to tell me when I was a little kid, "Now let that be a lesson to you." Anyway, interesting to communicate with, or interesting as in you thought the two of you might be a possibility? Again, are you looking for penpals or the man of your 29 dimensions? It seems you're not sure what you're looking for, and if that's the case maybe you should suspend matching and reflect for a while.

ELAINEMARIE wrote :

Now I have another man that sent me five questions, I don't think I would be interested in him due to his looks...

Simple: You CLOSE.

Here's my new-match rule-of-thumb:
No-way: CLOSE.
Not sure: Archive for a day or two, then reconsider.
Maybe: Send first questions.

YES!

: Send first questions.

Here's my questions-received rule-of-thumb:
No-way: CLOSE.
Not sure: Answer.
Maybe: Answer.

YES!

: Answer.

pammersw Post #4 October 16,2010, 4:04pm

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Co6aka wrote :

Here's my new-match rule-of-thumb:
No-way: CLOSE.
Not sure: Archive for a day or two, then reconsider.
Maybe: Send first questions.

YES!

: Send first questions.

Here's my questions-received rule-of-thumb:
No-way: CLOSE.
Not sure: Answer.
Maybe: Answer.

YES!

: Answer.

I handle things similarly, except on the "not sure" new matches, I leave them on my new tab for a day or two. I rarely close someone without at least sending first questions. If I was ambivalent AND they don't answer those, I close.

Usually they fall back to the second or third communicating tab, and I've given them months and months to answer, before I get around to closing. That gives them a free communication weekend or two to get around to me. If they haven't -- they are either old, abandoned profiles, or they totally were not at all interested in me.

pammersw Post #5 October 16,2010, 4:07pm

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TrekRyder10 wrote :

Also it's perfectly acceptable to be communicating with more than one match at a time, don't play favorites or put your eggs into one basket.

So, so, so true!!!! You don't pay any more to send out questions (or respond to questions) and otherwise communicate with more than one match at a time. Chances are, one or both of them will drop out of communication before the end of the guided communication process. Increase the chances you'll get to open communication by communicating with (almost) every one of your matches!

minusthedrifter Post #6 October 16,2010, 8:22pm

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Co6aka wrote :

Here's my new-match rule-of-thumb:
No-way: CLOSE.
Not sure: Archive for a day or two, then reconsider.
Maybe: Send first questions.

YES!

: Send first questions.

Here's my questions-received rule-of-thumb:
No-way: CLOSE.
Not sure: Answer.
Maybe: Answer.

YES!

: Answer.

Good rules there, that's what I go by as well.

If you're not interested in someone for whatever reason close them. They might "be interesting to talk to" but nobody here is looking for a new friend. If you just can't see yourself seriously dating somebody, and possibly ending up with said person, you're doing them a favor in closing them.

Might not seem like it but you're being far more considerate and nice when you close them than when you leave them in perpetual limbo that is archived or "waiting for response."

JFo Post #7 October 16,2010, 8:41pm

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