Frustrating situation with early communication stages


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
kittylevina is offline kittylevina Post #1  October 15,2010, 8:16pm
kittylevina's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Norman, OK

Posts: 5

See profile

Okay, so I hope I'm not the only one experiencing this...

Lately, I've received communications from a few different men, all of whom asked me the initial set of five questions, which I answered and sent back five questions of my own.

Once we moved to the open ended questions, instead of using the space to answer the question I asked in a reasonably detailed way, they both said something along the lines of, "I like your profile! Find me on FB: John Smith from Tulsa!" or included their e-mail address/phone number.

Maybe it's just me, but I found this vastly annoying. I'm paying for the eHarmony service and I kind of want to go through the steps of guided communication that come along with that service. I'm actually looking for someone I could connect with for a very serious long-term relationship. Am I alone here?
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  October 15,2010, 8:32pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,698

See profile

Odds are these matches are not paying for eHarmony.

Feel free to dump them if you wish.

Or, keep at the communication.
 
  Reply With Quote
kittylevina is offline kittylevina Post #3  October 15,2010, 8:33pm
kittylevina's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Norman, OK

Posts: 5

See profile

Can you reply to eHarmony communication without paying? I didn't know that! Yeah, I've closed them.
 
  Reply With Quote
peacefulharp is offline peacefulharp Post #4  October 15,2010, 8:33pm
peacefulharp's Avatar

's life story isn't written yet...

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2010

Posts: 655

See profile

No, you're not alone. I used to get that too.

I think this could mean a couple of things: they are not currently paying members and are communicating on a free communication weekend (therefore they are giving out their contact info outside of eH in order to be able to continue to communicate with you after the FCW) or their subscription is about to run out.

I guess you have two choices. Overlook it and communicate if they're interesting or ignore them and move on to someone else.

On a side note, I did communicate with one match who requested communication with me during a FCW even though he wasn't a paying member and I had a decent first date.

Good luck!
Last edited by peacefulharp; October 15,2010 at 8:34pm. Reason: silly typo
 
  Reply With Quote
kittylevina is offline kittylevina Post #5  October 15,2010, 8:35pm
kittylevina's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Norman, OK

Posts: 5

See profile

Thank you for the advice!

It can be so frustrating. I'm hanging in there, though. I keep reading the success stories and reminding myself that statistically speaking, I've got to get lucky eventually
 
  Reply With Quote
peacefulharp is offline peacefulharp Post #6  October 15,2010, 8:36pm
peacefulharp's Avatar

's life story isn't written yet...

Enthusiast

Joined: Aug 2010

Posts: 655

See profile

kittylevina wrote :
Can you reply to eHarmony communication without paying? I didn't know that! Yeah, I've closed them.
Yes, non-paying members can reply during a free communication weekend but cannot see photos. Some people habitually log in and communicate only during FCW's so they don't have to pay for the service. Against the terms of service but it happens.
 
  Reply With Quote
Sparkles56 is offline Sparkles56 Post #7  October 15,2010, 8:51pm
Sparkles56's Avatar

Contemplation must bring forth right action to permit further growth.

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2010

Ohio

Posts: 1,679

See profile

kittylevina wrote :
Maybe it's just me, but I found this vastly annoying. I'm paying for the eHarmony service and I kind of want to go through the steps of guided communication that come along with that service. I'm actually looking for someone I could connect with for a very serious long-term relationship. Am I alone here?
Hi Kittylevina,

There's also a different way to look at this. The guided communication is great, but some people really just don't like it.

I had a match early last week. We went through the whole process and eventually to eH email. The first thing I told her was that I was glad that we finally had some freedom to actually communicate with each other... she said that she normally does not like the guided communication, but when she'd shortcut right to email the men she'd contact would run away because it was seen as too aggressive.

But I would have welcomed it. I guess it takes a special kind of personality to want to do that. My view is, you're either going to hit it off with someone or not, and the guided communication won't change that.

The only problem is, once you move communication to phone, regular email, or Facebook - it becomes far easier for someone to find you (in a stalker kind of way). So a compromise might be to go right to e-mail but keep it in eH email, so that way you can close the match if they turn out to be a creep.

Good luck!
-Sp
 
  Reply With Quote
Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  October 15,2010, 9:42pm
Sassafras54's Avatar

Your Community Coordinator

Moderator

Joined: Oct 2009

San Pedro, CA

Posts: 9,085

See profile

Hi kittylevina and welcome to EHA!

What those matches are doing is against the TOS:

No Contact Information. You agree that you will not post any e-mail addresses, personal website address or profile page you may have on a third party website, or other contact information in the “About Me” section of the Singles Service or in any other communications you may have with other users. You may, at your discretion, exchange such information after you reach the “Open Communication” phase with your match.

The TOS also requires members to report this:

Reporting of Violations. You will promptly report to eHarmony any violation of the Agreement by others, including but not limited to, Registered Users.

Paid members can request that you skip GC and go straight to OC. You can accept or decline. So rather than send personal info, they should ask you to do that.

Unpaid members will solicit contact info to avoid having to pay for a subscription.

My personal POV on it is: if I didn't want to do EH's process, I wouldn't be a member. And I don't like it when people break rules to avoid having to pay for a service they're using; it's just dishonest.

FYI! You have to figure out how to want to handle this, because it does happen. Not that often though, in my experience.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  October 16,2010, 7:48am
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,698

See profile

Sassafras54 wrote :
My personal POV on it is: if I didn't want to do EH's process, I wouldn't be a member. And I don't like it when people break rules to avoid having to pay for a service they're using; it's just dishonest.

Although I have to admit the accuracy of this, my "TOS" is that any merchants with whom I transact business must correctly present the value proposition offered in the product or service they are attempting to sell me.

In the case of online content, that means the content presented prior to a purchase must be faithfully representative of the true content which will be delivered upon payment.

In the event that the merchant failed in the above, I reserve my right to attain the value proposition I accepted, such as by receiving a refund of my payment(s), and / or, altering such payments past or future, and / or, using the service in a manner as necessary to restore the value I agreed to.

This is known as a "battle of the forms," or, absent that, a "contract of adhesion" in which no rights are provided the customer.

***

While eHarmony claims not not to do so, the fact is that online dating sites generally have been caught using fake information and activity to fraudulently induce payments. This is also dishonest, and in fact constitutes fraud.

Presenting abandoned profiles to current or prospective customers is distasteful, and getting close to a murky area of acceptability.

***

I am close to reaching your conclusion myself, though: that I am simply not comfortable with the terms and product of paid dating services, and thus unwilling to do business with them. Even eHarmony, which in some respects provided the best such experience I've had.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« plz review my profile | Using eHarmony | OC approved but no return email »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Is lack of communication a relationship killer? fishoutofwater Relationships 6 June 14,2010 1:18pm
Styles of Communication RoxyRedhead What makes us tick? 6 April 25,2010 4:18pm
Open communication stage ami1uwant Using eHarmony 8 January 3,2010 11:26am
why is it that you get so far in the stages of communication and then they stop talking Eseifert44 Using eHarmony 6 December 29,2009 10:52am
disclosing negatives in early stages? reenz Ask a Dating Expert 6 December 5,2009 3:14pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Where's the other boot?” –  Breezy1

Join the “She stared at my feet. Is this normal?” discussion

“Exit interviews are highly recommended in many dating books and in other life strategy books. They are very effective. I think he would answer honestly to the some point. I know that is horrible and ... ” –  biking_girl

Join the “Exit interview after unsuccessful date” discussion

“And I'd also add that while a successful stable job down the road and a solid income is helpful in attracting a woman, it's no guarantee that finding love will be easy for you. I know plenty of men ... ” –  boschimsp

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“I think if someone says they can't meet you for weeks, they are lukewarm interested. Even if he were truly busy with a project, he'd be able to drop you an email or a text here and there. I took ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Did he poof?” discussion

“ Yes, illegal aliens aren't treated as illegals. lol OP, trust your gut. A few months ago, I met a guy on match, who said his membership was expiring, and gave me his IM so we could chat. I ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“Stop humping my leg.” –  Breezy1

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion

“I thought this thread was about exercise. Positive OP though...nice to see.” –  Breezy1

Join the “It's a matter of fit” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:03pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0