beebee111 is offline beebee111 Post #1  October 15,2010, 4:26am
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Hi, I am a newbie. Over 50 men have viewed my profile. Only 1 has initiated contact. I have a lot of detail on my profile and I tend to dismiss people with scant detail on theirs. I worry that my descriptions may be too specific and off-putting. Can I have some feedback on the following?
Last edited by beebee111; October 15,2010 at 3:23pm.
 
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leegleze is offline leegleze Post #2  October 15,2010, 4:51am
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I just think you need some serious editing here because it seems you're indecisive. For example, in your first lines, you tell us you're passionate about many things (in a long, drawn-out way) and then hunker down and actually get to the point. I hope the following will help (get rid of all the red bits and prioritize the rest; get to the point.):

Passionate about:

This is a difficult question to answer. I am passionate about lots of things from certain issues related to social justice to food preparation . I have varied, shifting interests depending on where I am in life at the time. I do love to cook and try out new recipes. I'm crazy about boardgames (and that is not an overstatement). I also enjoy yoga and cycling over the summer, among other things.

Most important thing I'm looking for:

I highly value empathy, integrity, and intellect/curiosity about the world. I enjoy playful 'souls' and good conversationalists who enjoy meaningful conversation about everything from abstract ideas and social issues to the kinds of inwardly felt topics that break through social surfaces and connect people on a deeper level.
(this sounds like you're writing a graduate paper)
In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:

I find inspiration and insight for personal growth in many places.It can be from friends or writers. It changes from time to place and across situations. I don't have any single person on a pedestal. I am however, most often inspired by those who make efforts to address social injustices and/or tackle causes they believe in.

I think you get the picture now. (Being a graduate student is mentioned more than necessary. Presumably intelligent guys will pick up on it the first time.) Continue with the rest of your profile in the same way, and you should have a winner! You sound like a really great lady ... good luck!
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #3  October 15,2010, 4:59am
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Hi beebee. Overall your profile sounds great I've made a few comments in red and a few things to consider editing / rewording in blue

In general fill out all the sections/ questions with brief lively info about yourself. Keep in mind, the intent to attract someone, not make a political / social "statement"

Also, it is best to mention something only once. Repetition sounds one dimensional or obsessive .
Social issues, social issues , social issues......
beebee111 wrote :
Hi, I am a newbie. Over 50 men have viewed my profile. Only 1 has initiated contact. I have a lot of detail on my profile and I tend to dismiss people with scant detail on theirs. I worry that my descriptions may be too specific and off-putting. Can I have some feedback on the following?

Basics: Height: 175cm. Occupation: Doctoral Candidate: State that you work part time as a lecturer, candidate is not an occupation, state later on that you are also a student. Ethnicity: African American (because EH doesn't have an African-Canadian option which would be more accurate); Religion: Spiritual but not religious.

Passionate about:

This is a difficult question to answer. Why bother saying this?

I am passionate about lots of things from certain issues related to social justice to food preparation .
I have varied, shifting interests depending on where I am in life at the time.
Could come off as flaky, and like he will have to join you in the latest trendy cause. I do love to cook and try out new recipes. I'm crazy about boardgames (and that is not an overstatement). I also enjoy yoga and cycling over the summer, among other things. List this under leisure activities


Most important thing I'm looking for:

I highly value empathy, integrity, and intellect/curiosity about the world. I enjoy playful 'souls' and good conversationalists who enjoy meaningful conversation about everything from abstract ideas and social issues to the kinds of inwardly felt topics that break through social surfaces and connect people on a deeper level. It sounds like you like debating issues. Try a more down to earth approach with this. Highly intelligent men do not want to debate / (aka argue) all the time.

In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:
Just answer the question
I find inspiration and insight for personal growth in many places.It can be from friends or writers. It changes from time to place and across situations. Again, sounds flaky, indecisive and trendy I don't have any single person on a pedestal. I am however, most often inspired by those who make efforts to address social injustices and/or tackle causes they believe in. This makes it sound like if you date someone who is not a vegan or whatever, you will work on him until he bends to your "cause"

The three things which I am most thankful for:
There is a heavy-handed "intellectuals" theme here.
If he is not attracted to and comfortable with you, your IQ, and that of your friends is irrelevant. Come down to earth with some of this, it's not very approachable.
  • Great friends - I have the fortune of having some amazing bright, compassionate people in my life
  • My education - It's really been a privilege
  • Family Why?

Three of my best life-skills are:

  • Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness
  • Being a good friend and companion
  • Finding pleasure and contentment in simple things


The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

People often think I'm much more serious than I actually am. Close friends know I'm a big goofball in many ways.
Good much more approachable
The things I can't live without are:

  • Friendship
  • House plants
  • Laughter
  • Quiet time
  • Books


The first thing people notice about me:

My accent - . . . it takes people a while to notice it and then it's interesting to see people try to place it. They could always just ask .


Some additional information I want you to know:

I'm a few (3-6) months away from finishing my doctorate degree. I'm a full time busy student/researcher who also works part time as a lecturer. That being said, I definitely realize the value of work-life balance. I still make time for 'life' and I will have a lot more work-life balance in the near future.
People may see this as no time for them or dating and wonder why you are even on here

My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:

Hanging out with friends, reading, camping during the summer, cooking, playing boardgames, at the gym,etc. I

The last book I read and enjoyed:

I just finished reading The Omnivore's Dilemma . . . (basic summary: it's about food, where it's from and what's in it). I haven't had much time for recreational reading lately but I do enjoy a variety of reading material from books on social issues to Agatha Christie mystery novels.


According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:

  • Funny
  • Caring
  • Passionate
  • Intelligent
 
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OlderButWiser0549 is offline OlderButWiser0549 Post #4  October 15,2010, 5:34am
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beebee,

I see nothing off-putting in your profile, no "red flags" at all. My reaction would be, "Hmmm... interesting person!"
 
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beebee111 is offline beebee111 Post #5  October 15,2010, 6:18am
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Thanks guys! Your feedback has been priceless. When you have been stuck in an academic environment for so long, you can forget how to present yourself in an approachable down-to-earth way (which really does reflect who I am as a person).

I have made lots of edits. My comments are more brief. It's much less "heavy-handed intellectual" and more "looking a nice guy who also happens to be bright."

I hope I have more success now .
 
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