Matched with two friends, what should I do?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Nicole79 is offline Nicole79 Post #1  October 13,2010, 8:52am
Nicole79's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Oct 2010

Posts: 1

See profile

Here's my problem. I was matched with one guy a few weeks ago and now we're in open communication and chances are good that we'll meet soon. Today, I received a communication from someone else and while looking through his photos I noticed one of his friends is the guy I'm in OC with. Should I communicate with the new guy or should I simply close him because I definitely don't want to come between friends. Personally I think it would be a bit weird to find out a friend of mine was communicating with the same guy, but on the other hand if I had already decided that he wasn't the right guy for me I wouldn't have a problem with their communicating. Anyone care to share their opinion?
 
  Reply With Quote
Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #2  October 13,2010, 9:05am
Harryoss's Avatar

chooses his words carefully. (Most of the time!)

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2010

Los Angeles, CA (SF Valley)

Posts: 1,176

See profile

hah! what an interesting situation. I'd say go with the first guy, and don't put too much thought into the second one.

Personally, what I'd do is to take my time in responding to the second guy... It's highly unlikely that they would know about who communicates with which match on eHarmony. So! Take like, 4-5 days to reply to each communication stage with guy #2... He shouldn't put too much thought into it, cause he'd probably thing you're busy and don't check eHarmony or smthn... That should give you roughly 2 weeks or so to see how things go with guy #1, which should be ample time for you to know if you're interested in him or not.

If you find you're even slightly interested, then might I suggest not continuing communication with guy #2. Bottom line: I don't see anything wrong with online communication with 2 friends... It's only when you actually meet them and start dating that it would get weird... so, try to avoid the meets overlapping and you should be fine.
 
  Reply With Quote
cardguy is offline cardguy Post #3  October 13,2010, 9:44am
cardguy's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Aug 2009

Oregon

Posts: 1,226

See profile

I don't think you have to permanently write off guy #2, but definitely don't go for both at the same time....that's a recipe for trouble for all three of you! I'd keep things going with guy #1 and see what you think after a date or two. If you decide the fit isn't right I don't think there's anything wrong with picking things up with guy #2. There's a world of difference between say, dumping someone to date their best friend, and dating someone who's friends with another guy you went on a date or two with.
Last edited by cardguy; October 13,2010 at 12:35pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #4  October 13,2010, 10:37am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,322

See profile

Wow! What I can tell you is that they may know the situation also, from comparing notes etc.

I would not communicate with #2. If # 1 is no good then I guess the best man wins?...LOL

Nicole79 wrote :
Here's my problem. I was matched with one guy a few weeks ago and now we're in open communication and chances are good that we'll meet soon. Today, I received a communication from someone else and while looking through his photos I noticed one of his friends is the guy I'm in OC with.
 
  Reply With Quote
ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #5  October 13,2010, 11:03am
ami1uwant's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Feb 2008

Seattle, WA

Posts: 4,640

See profile

remember you dont know where either of these two will go....just slow response # 2 and se where #1 goes. If #1 goes anywhere then you could close #2.

How sure are you this is the same person...was it the same group photo?
 
  Reply With Quote
neardc is offline neardc Post #6  October 13,2010, 11:06am
neardc's Avatar

Toodles, sayonara, and happy trails! Wishing everyone luck and love...

Power Poster

Joined: Jun 2008

Posts: 8,050

See profile

You know, at this point you didn't even know if Guy 1 or Guy 2 is a better match for you (or whether either of them is!). So, it doesn't make sense to close one out just because the other one happened to be matched with you first. At this point, there is nothing to "come between" since you haven't even met either of these guys.

Don't assume, though, that they aren't comparing notes. If they joined together, they may be sharing information with each other and already know that you've been matched with both of them.

If it were me, I would just leave Guy 2 in your inbox for now. If he initiates contact, then you can decide at that point whether you wish to respond.
 
  Reply With Quote
newgemgirl is offline newgemgirl Post #7  October 13,2010, 9:33pm
newgemgirl's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Sep 2010

Posts: 19

See profile

My friend and I have this 'problem' all the time. lol.

First guy sent us both requests, we both answered thru step 3, and both closed him.

Second guy sent us both requests, I answered, she closed. I ended up going out with him. We only discovered it after.

Third guy began communication with both of us same day. We knew immediately bc we were together when we got emails. We both answered and were going to wing it. He proceeded with me down the steps and left her hanging at step 2. She closed him when I told her we were in OC and he had asked me out.

Fourth guy was viewing both of our pages daily. We would talk about him and how creepy he was. He sent her a request and never sent me one, so I closed him. They are going out this week.

There have been many more, these are just the most notable. We usually both close most of them right away, I guess we are friends for a reason, we are very similar

I think you should stick with guy#1 for now, but don't close guy #2 just in case. It may be awkward if you end up with guy #2, but hey we are all here for one reason, to find a relationship. I am sure everyone will understand and laugh it off.

good luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #8  October 14,2010, 3:38am
ISearch4Love's Avatar

I'd rather love someone I can't have than have someone I can't love.

Sage

Joined: Aug 2010

Ohio

Posts: 12,591

See profile

I wouldn't talk to both at the same time but I wouldn't close #2 until you see how things go with #1.
 
  Reply With Quote
wheel_on_fire is offline wheel_on_fire Post #9  October 14,2010, 10:16am
wheel_on_fire's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Mar 2010

Southeast US

Posts: 31

See profile

Don't close #2! It has been my experience that while in GC with multiple matches that I will develop a 'favorite.' There have been a few occasions where after the initial meet I've found the one that I was leaning towards to be less than ideal. Conversely, I've gotten to a first meet with some women that I wasn't too enthusiastic about during GC that turned out to be great people.

Its all about meeting people on this site. Don't be overly picky just on the basis of a profile. You were matched for a reason, unless there are some major deal-breakers that surface, at least meet them before you discount them.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« paying vs non-paying | Using eHarmony | Posting Better Photos »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Friends for three years, brokeup after an "unofficial" relationship for six weeks, best friends still possible? italianstalion Ask a Dating Expert 18 July 30,2011 5:12pm
letting go of bad friends who are sometimes good people cp30 About You 24 November 14,2010 6:52pm
Friends to you but enemies to your love life? eHA_Admin_Lori Dating 27 August 11,2010 10:05pm
Friendship Question: Ethnocentric Friends justme27 About You 19 March 24,2010 12:05pm
Friends with Benefits -- one-sided benefit? nightling let's talk about sex 30 November 16,2009 6:02am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Where's the other boot?” –  Breezy1

Join the “She stared at my feet. Is this normal?” discussion

“Exit interviews are highly recommended in many dating books and in other life strategy books. They are very effective. I think he would answer honestly to the some point. I know that is horrible and ... ” –  biking_girl

Join the “Exit interview after unsuccessful date” discussion

“And I'd also add that while a successful stable job down the road and a solid income is helpful in attracting a woman, it's no guarantee that finding love will be easy for you. I know plenty of men ... ” –  boschimsp

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“I think if someone says they can't meet you for weeks, they are lukewarm interested. Even if he were truly busy with a project, he'd be able to drop you an email or a text here and there. I took ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Did he poof?” discussion

“ Yes, illegal aliens aren't treated as illegals. lol OP, trust your gut. A few months ago, I met a guy on match, who said his membership was expiring, and gave me his IM so we could chat. I ... ” –  Carole1520

Join the “Match from another country...is he a "fraud"?” discussion

“Stop humping my leg.” –  Breezy1

Join the “Comment to win a FREE month of eHarmony!” discussion

“I thought this thread was about exercise. Positive OP though...nice to see.” –  Breezy1

Join the “It's a matter of fit” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:00pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0