Too many matches on the go!


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bueller604 is offline bueller604 Post #1  October 12,2010, 10:23pm
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I have been on the eharmony for about about 6 weeks now and I have gone on 8 dates and I have about 12 other women who I am in open communication with and another 10 or so with the guided communication. There were some pretty good matches and I am pretty pleased with this site (I met a few extremely good looking women!) however still haven't gone farther than a second date yet.

So realistically I can at go out with 2-3 women a week but 3 is really pushing it because of how busy I am with work. I have turned off my receiving new matches so no new ones are coming in as I would like to deal with the ones already on my table but there are still too many. I am postponing my responses between open communications for 4 - 7 days so I can stretch this out as long as I can even though normally I would rather not do the pen pal thing and would ask the women out sooner rather than later.

Any way I was wondering how many back and forth emails and how long of delays between them can I get away with before asking a woman out without being rude or looking like I'm a weirdo?
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  October 13,2010, 5:27am
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Are you sure you are using e-harmony?.

You did the right thing in turning-off matching. I would suggest keeping it off until you clear the table completely.

IMO delaying your responses is just as bad as pen-pals, so more than likely some of these matches will lose interest in you, some with poof, while others will know that you have them on the back-burner and will close you, this may work itself out.

2-3 emails tops before suggesting to meet, some may not want to meet right away, and prefer a phone call first.

- So meet the 8 your have in OC as soon as you can.(you may need to create a speed date saturday) A few phone calls might help you narrow down the list too.

-The 12 you have in GC, you may need to cut some loose.

Keeping your options open is great in having so many in communication, imo you sabotaged yourself here. You can go forward with a match, but it's hard to go backwards when you soft poof and then reappear.


Set a limit for yourself going forward for matches in OC..

This is one instance that your lucky eH doesn't have a last login or activity status.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 13,2010 at 6:46am.
 
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boschimsp is online now boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  October 13,2010, 6:41am
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I agree with TrekRider. I think he gave you some great advice. I agree that stretching the communication out will likely not work to your advantage. If someone has taken that long to respond I usually assume (and rightly in your case) that I am not a priority and it makes me lose interest in that person. Carrying on as a penpal is one thing but it still leaves open the possibility they are shy or need that extra nudge from me to suggest a date. But long lags in communication suggest definite lack of interest.

If anything I would make sure I prioritize the people I am talking to and asking out since like I Trek and I have said, when the process is stretched out likely many of your matches will lose interest so if there is someone you are truly interested in getting to know I would make them a priority.

And I'm curious why no second dates. I guess in my mind if I don't have interest in seeing someone again I'm not sure I consider it a "great match." If you really are interested and the second dates haven't happened because you're trying to make it through all your first dates first, I'd be careful there too. I had a guy wait to call me until a week after our first date and even if I already wasn't on the fence, it made me not that interested in seeing him again.
 
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boschimsp is online now boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  October 13,2010, 6:44am
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I also have to say, I'm impressed you can keep up the momentum! I have been on eHarmony a couple of months and have been out with something like six different people (and of course talking on the phone with a few more) and after awhile I find it TOO exhausting to do that AND keep up my normal social life.

I should also say I like Trek's idea of talking to some people on the phone because I think it can be hard to get a sense of how much you click with someone over OC but usually phone gets you much closer and that's helped me to weed out a few people.
 
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charmed59 is offline charmed59 Post #5  October 13,2010, 8:28am
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I'd go with the stretching it out thing just because you really don't have a better choice. I might be biased. The guy I'm currently with (4 months...) we emailed back and forth for a MONTH before we finally met.(So that would be five months if I count emailing...) I was stringing him along because I was clearing out my dating cue, and he was one that seemed happy to email for awhile. He was stringing me along because he was clearing out his dating cue, and I wasn't pushing for a meeting. We both had other dates after our first meeting because we had set them up previously. That's just how it works. (And yes, after our second or third meeting I closed out all remaining ones I was communicating with, as did he.)
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #6  October 13,2010, 8:46am
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bueller604 wrote :
I have been on the eharmony for about about 6 weeks now and I have gone on 8 dates and I have about 12 other women who I am in open communication with and another 10 or so with the guided communication. There were some pretty good matches and I am pretty pleased with this site (I met a few extremely good looking women!) however still haven't gone farther than a second date yet.

So realistically I can at go out with 2-3 women a week but 3 is really pushing it because of how busy I am with work. I have turned off my receiving new matches so no new ones are coming in as I would like to deal with the ones already on my table but there are still too many. I am postponing my responses between open communications for 4 - 7 days so I can stretch this out as long as I can even though normally I would rather not do the pen pal thing and would ask the women out sooner rather than later.

Any way I was wondering how many back and forth emails and how long of delays between them can I get away with before asking a woman out without being rude or looking like I'm a weirdo?
I had this same issue when I first joined, and was sometimes having 4 or 5 first meetings in a week. Now I barely get 4 or 5 matches in a week! At that time I would turn off matching, meet everyone I was interested in meeting, clear my slate, then turn it on and start over.
Not a problem anymore! I have been through my available dating pool, I guess.
 
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Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #7  October 13,2010, 9:21am
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Can I have the pictures you're using for your profile, OP? Or you can just tell me which celebrity's headshots you used. Also message me your profile text too!

I've been on eHarmony almost 6 weeks too... Haven't had the success you have. Not even close!

I have nothing to add to this topic, I just felt like expressing (on behalf of 95% of the people on eHarmony) how envious I am of your success.

That is all.
 
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boschimsp is online now boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  October 13,2010, 9:30am
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charmed59 wrote :
I'd go with the stretching it out thing just because you really don't have a better choice. I might be biased. The guy I'm currently with (4 months...) we emailed back and forth for a MONTH before we finally met.(So that would be five months if I count emailing...) I was stringing him along because I was clearing out my dating cue, and he was one that seemed happy to email for awhile. He was stringing me along because he was clearing out his dating cue, and I wasn't pushing for a meeting. We both had other dates after our first meeting because we had set them up previously. That's just how it works. (And yes, after our second or third meeting I closed out all remaining ones I was communicating with, as did he.)
I think this works well if you're in the same position but may not work well if you're not (i.e. if the other person isn't also making their way through a long dating cue). Usually my approach is to meet people as quickly as possible to keep up the momentum and see if we click, even if that means squeezing in a short date.
 
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boschimsp is online now boschimsp — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  October 13,2010, 9:34am
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Harryoss wrote :
Can I have the pictures you're using for your profile, OP? Or you can just tell me which celebrity's headshots you used. Also message me your profile text too!

I've been on eHarmony almost 6 weeks too... Haven't had the success you have. Not even close!

I have nothing to add to this topic, I just felt like expressing (on behalf of 95% of the people on eHarmony) how envious I am of your success.

That is all.
I'm not sure there's an exact science as to why some people are more successful than others. I feel like I've been doing okay (in the sense that I'm getting first dates and almost everyone has asked for a second) in one sense although having been on other dating sites I'm not convinced that the "28 dimensions" are matching me up with people who are any more compatible than those I would have chosen on my own.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #10  October 13,2010, 12:53pm
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boschimsp wrote :
I'm not sure there's an exact science as to why some people are more successful than others.
No there is not. A friend of mine had one word answers for most of the questions and he received communication requests from 95% of his matches.


wrote :
I'm not convinced that the "28 dimensions" are matching me up with people who are any more compatible than those I would have chosen on my own.
We hear this all the time, the 29 dimensions don't work. The problem with comparing them to what you, me or most people normally look for is they aren't the same.. Most people think compatibility means common interest, hobbies and the usually filters( edu-height-etc) unless we go into dates looking at the exact same things as the list http://eharmony-blog.com/29-dimensions then we can't compare.

Bottom line, no matching algorithm can match us for chemistry.
 
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