Sense of Urgency with Guided Communication

Honestly, I think you made the same mistake that you're accusing her of making: You misinterpreted her.

You guys were talking about 2 very different things... You wanted to rush through online communication because you feel a face to face communication would be much more productive...

She, on the other hand, misinterpreted your comment as you wanting to rush the relationship, as opposed to simply the communication process.

You have to understand something... The biggest concern for ANY woman in dating, is a man who wants to rush things because he's looking for you know what. It's just how it goes, and the only reasonable way a woman can tell if you're looking for a quick "night in" or not, is by checking how much focus you put on taking things faster than normal.

I'm sorry, but I don't think you were right to have acted the way you did... But then again, it seems you weren't interested in her in the first place, so you should have closed her on account of that, instead of using this as an excuse.

Next time, might I suggest putting a little more emphasis on your desire to rush through the online communication, instead of communication as a whole. That MIGHT work out better for you. (or not, you never know)

Speak your mind, ask for clarifications, and NEVER assume anything. That's my motto.

With all that said and done, I don't like a woman who drags on the online communication part either... But I at least explain to them why before I lose interest.

Honestly, I think you made the same mistake that you're accusing her of making: You misinterpreted her.

You guys were talking about 2 very different things... You wanted to rush through online communication because you feel a face to face communication would be much more productive... She, on the other hand, misinterpreted your comment as you wanting to rush the relationship, as opposed to simply the communication process.

You have to understand something... The biggest concern for ANY woman in dating, is a man who wants to rush things because he's looking for you know what. It's just how it goes, and the only reasonable way a woman can tell if you're looking for a quick "night in" or not, is by checking how much focus you put on taking things faster than normal.

I'm sorry, but I don't think you were right to have acted the way you did... But then again, it seems you weren't interested in her in the first place, so you should have closed her on account of that, instead of using this as an excuse.

Next time, might I suggest putting a little more emphasis on your desire to rush through the online communication, instead of communication as a whole. That MIGHT work out better for you. (or not, you never know)

Speak your mind, ask for clarifications, and NEVER assume anything. That's my motto.

With all that said and done, I don't like a woman who drags on the online communication part either... But I at least explain to them why before I lose interest.

Five gold stars.

BY, it's funny how much bellyaching you do on these boards about women being quick to judge, not giving you a chance, blah blah blah.... However in this case you knee jerked faster than she did. Sure she misinterpreted what you said much along the lines of the post above, but you closed her out for it because how dare she not read your mind properly. She was at least giving you a chance and a benefit of the doubt. Very ironic.

What I have learned is that any phrase can be read in two very different ways....so you shouldnt be so quick to judge or draw conclusions without clarification

I closed out a match yesterday with a woman who misinterpreted my statement about having a sense of urgency.

Basically, we went through the guided communication process at a decent pace and she commented during the first email exchange that I respond fast. I said that I believe in having a sense of urgency and something else benign.

She responded by saying that my commented scared her and went on talking about how she like to take things slow and doing her own thing, blah, blah, blah.

Personally, her response caused me to lose interest in her and I actually attempted to respond back explaining that she misinterpreted what I meant, then closed her out.

Here is my position when it comes to going through the guided communication process.

I like to get through it at a decent pace. I don't like waiting weeks to get through a process that should take no longer than a week, max. It is about interest IMO. Has nothing to do with me wanting to rush into a relationship or rush into meeting someone. I have no problems taking my time getting to know someone. But, with that being said, dragging out the GC process isn't showing interest nor is it helping getting to know someone.

I really wish people would ask for clarification before rendering a judgement upon a comment. This is is one of the many reasons why I don't like staying on emails for a long time. It is very easy to misinterpret what someone is trying to convey in an email. Besides, with this particular woman, there was some answers that she have given as well as comments on her profile that she has stated which did not sit well with me, but I proceeded to continue on with the GC to see what happens.

Yeah, I could have explained myself more to her, but thinking about everything, I decided that I was not as interested as she may have thought and I pretty much contacted her to see if she would respond back not to mention she seemed fairly open minded. I think for me, our dating philosophies and approaches is too different to pursue further.

B.Y.

Honestly, I think you made the same mistake that you're accusing her of making: You misinterpreted her.

You guys were talking about 2 very different things... You wanted to rush through online communication because you feel a face to face communication would be much more productive... She, on the other hand, misinterpreted your comment as you wanting to rush the relationship, as opposed to simply the communication process.

You have to understand something... The biggest concern for ANY woman in dating, is a man who wants to rush things because he's looking for you know what. It's just how it goes, and the only reasonable way a woman can tell if you're looking for a quick "night in" or not, is by checking how much focus you put on taking things faster than normal.

I'm sorry, but I don't think you were right to have acted the way you did... But then again, it seems you weren't interested in her in the first place, so you should have closed her on account of that, instead of using this as an excuse.

Next time, might I suggest putting a little more emphasis on your desire to rush through the online communication, instead of communication as a whole. That MIGHT work out better for you. (or not, you never know)

Speak your mind, ask for clarifications, and NEVER assume anything. That's my motto.

With all that said and done, I don't like a woman who drags on the online communication part either... But I at least explain to them why before I lose interest.

I did not misinterpret her. I understood exactly what she said and I agree with her about taking time to get to know someone and having autonomy. As a matter of fact, autonomy is one of my MH's. What I disagreed upon is her making the assumption that "sense of urgency" meant rushing into a relationship when that is not what I meant. I meant I respond to questions fairly fast. Nothing more, nothing less. So, I conclude that you misinterpreted my post, which is understandable. lol



I do not want to rush through anything. I do want to get through the GC process within a reasonable amount of time. I don't like waiting three days to click on three answers or four days to click on my MH'/CS's when I have already have my list ready to be sent. It only takes one click which takes a second or two do to. To be quite frank, I take much more time between open communication and actually meeting someone. Reason being is that I may not be certain that I want to meet someone that I am exchanging emails with or talking to over the phone. Most of the time, If I get to the OC stage, I am more likely to meet someone, but I like to talk to them for a lil bit before making arrangements to meet. This is to ensure that me and my match is on the same page and we are both enthusiastic not to mention equally comfortable meeting each other face-to-face.




Yes, this is correct.



I already know this, this is why I don't mind meeting someone in public. But, you have to understand that men also have concerns. It is a two way street, at least with me. I am not looking just for sex and if I was, I would either tell a woman or play games to get sex. Neither of which are my intentions. I just like for someone to get through the GC process at a decent amount of time.



To be honest, I could have explained myself and I actually started to do so, but I changed my mind and closed her out. There are other reasons why I closed her out such as her "instant" click answer, plus her stressing having to be physically attracted to someone before getting to know the person not to mention wanting dinner(all of which I have conflicting views on). To me, it was the aura of the emails and her answers that caused my change of heart. I concluded(since people want to judge) that it would be best to move along and allow some other man to cater to her needs, wants and desires.



What I should have done is explained myself in more detail to start. I said the same thing to another woman that I am talking to and she interpreted what I said correctly, thus the reason why we are still communicating(and we are communicating via phone/text a lot).



Good motto. I try to live by the same motto.



Yeah, and the woman in question did not drag the GC process. She just misinterpreted what I meant and as a result got closed out. lol

Thanks for sharing your perspective.


B.Y.