Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #1  October 11,2010, 9:00pm
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Every match in your inbox has also received your profile as a match, right? So what goes through your mind when you receive a match that you are really interested in who hasn’t initiated any communication with you?

If they haven’t initiated communication does that really mean that they are not interested or does it mean that they are waiting on you?

I immediately initiate communication with any match that I have an interest in so I have to assume the other matches aren’t interested if I don’t receive any communication.

Why do you think more matches don’t initiate communication? Are they just shy, waiting on you to initiate, or do you think they just aren’t interested?

What are your thoughts on this?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  October 12,2010, 5:26am
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If a match really catches my attention that much I simply initiate. After that I pretty much forget them unless they actually respond.

People don't respond for many reasons - busy, seeing someone, not active members, long gone members, too busy talking to too many other matches at the moment, etc. Ultimately, who cares? The only matches worth paying attention to are the ones who responded today.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #3  October 12,2010, 5:57am
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If I'm interested in a match, I go ahead and send the first questions and see if they respond. With online dating, and particularly eHa, there are just too many variables to get all caught up in worrying about who contacts who first. As the previous poster pointed out, they may be non-subscribers, dating someone else, bogged down with matches, busy or just somehow overlooked your profile.

The benefit of the guided communication is it gives you a low-risk, minimal effort way to reach out to those you're interested in. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #4  October 12,2010, 6:57am
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You're really thinking too much into this. If you are relying on their interest to start any communication, let me give you my impression on the other side.

I get about 7 matches a day consistently. If for whatever reason, I go away for a long weekend like Columbus day. 3 days taken off from email. Combined with probably me not checking email from the day before because i was getting ready to go away, lets say 4 days with no email.

That's 28 matches I have received. Most people will not initiated communication with 28 people at once. They would take their time, look at the profile and see. But because they take their time, more matches come in. These profiles start looking all the same, and those that do get communication initiated, are were cherry picked.

With all the profiles that you look at, how often does a profile just go "bam". Personally with me, never.

So, you are essentially throwing yourself into a lottery of hoping some guy will initiate communication with you. what are your odds. Who knows. 1 out of 28? 5 out of 28? 10 out of 28?. Lets throw in the additional factor of whether or not you find the initiator someone you want to date, which narrows the pool even more.

What are the odds of him responding to you if you communicate first? In essence, 1 out of 2. 50%. Yes he will, or no he won't. Yes, there are other factors you cannot control. Interest, timing, paying member..but what you CAN control, is that 50%. You gave him the option, he can say yes or no.
 
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StPaulGirl is offline StPaulGirl Post #5  October 12,2010, 7:21am
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Diana_P wrote :
So what goes through your mind when you receive a match that you are really interested in who hasn’t initiated any communication with you?

"I hope he responds!"

Diana_P wrote :
If they haven’t initiated communication does that really mean that they are not interested or does it mean that they are waiting on you?

Usually, it means they're not a subscriber.

Don't waste emotional energy on people who haven't yet responded to inital questions - send 1st questions and then pretend they don't exist until/unless you get a response.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  October 12,2010, 7:57am
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Diana_P wrote :
Every match in your inbox has also received your profile as a match, right? So what goes through your mind when you receive a match that you are really interested in who hasn’t initiated any communication with you?

They are missing out on a great guy.

If they haven’t initiated communication does that really mean that they are not interested or does it mean that they are waiting on you?

I honestly don't know what women think.

I immediately initiate communication with any match that I have an interest in so I have to assume the other matches aren’t interested if I don’t receive any communication.

Well, either your photo or profile isn't attractive to them or they are non-paying members and can't communicate.

Why do you think more matches don’t initiate communication? Are they just shy, waiting on you to initiate, or do you think they just aren’t interested?

Same as above, or they are afraid of rejection, or are too busy with other matches who initiate communication.

What are your thoughts on this?
If you are interested and waiting for them to initiate communication, you're going to lose out to other women who aren't afraid to get things started
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #7  October 12,2010, 9:15am
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StPaulGirl wrote :
Usually, it means they're not a subscriber.

Don't waste emotional energy on people who haven't yet responded to inital questions - send 1st questions and then pretend they don't exist until/unless you get a response.
Same thing I was going to say. This poster saved me from having to type it out!
 
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SoilderLover is offline SoilderLover Post #8  October 12,2010, 10:25am
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I agree with StPaulGirl also. I always start the communication if they don't answer back their lost not mine, time to move on. Online dating taught me one thing quickly how to take rejection without taking it personally.

If you like them and are a paying member sent them the first questions. You have nothing to lose because they aren't responding anyway right now only something to gain a RESPONSE!
 
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MicMan is offline MicMan Post #9  October 13,2010, 4:23pm
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DancingFool wrote :
If a match really catches my attention that much I simply initiate. After that I pretty much forget them unless they actually respond.
Exactly. I'll never understand the people that sit around and wait hoping to get picked like a melon at the market.

Once I initiate, that match is dead to me until she responds.

DancingFool wrote :
People don't respond for many reasons - busy, seeing someone, not active members, long gone members, too busy talking to too many other matches at the moment, etc. Ultimately, who cares? The only matches worth paying attention to are the ones who responded today.
Exactly on this too. Why should I invest a second of thought into someone that simply isn't there?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  October 13,2010, 4:33pm
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Yep. Good advice here.
 
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