Should I post my picture on eharmony, Im overweight?


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ELAINEMARIE is offline ELAINEMARIE Post #1  October 10,2010, 11:53am
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I have only been on eharmony for about a month now, and Im overweight probably about 60-70 ILBS, I think I maybe should had weighted to join after I got my weight off, and Im in the process of dieting. but several of my matches are requesting a photo. I thought about submitting a photo, but I don't want to turn anyone off. I really dont think I'm ugly, and I think I would be average looking, if I could get all my weight off. And one of my matches put down on cant stands, excessive overweight, I cant stand someone who is overweight. fortunately he is not the one that I have been emailing, so I don't want to turn off current match that I'm interested in. So do you think I should submit a photo anyway, thanks for your advice.
 
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srtaw is offline srtaw Post #2  October 10,2010, 12:12pm

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A million times YES!! From one chubby girl to another, post photos! There's nothing worse than investing the time communicating with someone, meeting them, and finding out they're not what you expected or what they represented themselves to be (whether it be weight, age, height, anything really...). If your goal is to actually meet guys and not just play pen pal, then post away! And make sure your photos are of good variety and include full-body shots, not just head shots. Why not have it all out on the table from the get-go?
 
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KISS_keepitsimplesam is offline KISS_keepitsimplesam Post #3  October 10,2010, 12:20pm
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Yes, you should post your photo on EH. Listen, if you're overweight you're overweight. That's who you are and it's what you are. No harm no foul. Don't think for one minute it's going to be any easier once you meet. He's either okay with it or he's not okay with it. You trying to hide it is a dis-service to both of you. It's like this...........men are visual creatures. They need to be able to see/imagine women as a complete package. They may care less about our body type than you think. Seeing a photo of us helps them to imagine themselves with us. So........Post the photo and let the rest be whatever it's gonna be
Last edited by KISS_keepitsimplesam; October 10,2010 at 12:24pm.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #4  October 10,2010, 12:30pm
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Yes... you should have pictures posted.. at least two.. 1. head shot 2. full body..

You can't control what your matches find attractive, whether your overweight or not, what you can do is not waste your time and theirs by hiding it. Posting a photo will eliminate some of the disappointment you're setting yourself up for.

I'm glad you're working on losing weight, This is something you should consider putting in your profile, there might be someone who is also on that path, two people supporting and pushing each other to archive a goal, could have the makings for an sucessful relationship.
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 10,2010 at 12:33pm.
 
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Diana_P is offline Diana_P Post #5  October 10,2010, 12:36pm
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ELAINEMARIE wrote :
I have only been on eharmony for about a month now, and Im overweight probably about 60-70 ILBS, I think I maybe should had weighted to join after I got my weight off, and Im in the process of dieting. but several of my matches are requesting a photo. I thought about submitting a photo, but I don't want to turn anyone off. I really dont think I'm ugly, and I think I would be average looking, if I could get all my weight off. And one of my matches put down on cant stands, excessive overweight, I cant stand someone who is overweight. fortunately he is not the one that I have been emailing, so I don't want to turn off current match that I'm interested in. So do you think I should submit a photo anyway, thanks for your advice.
Yes post the picture! Most people automatically archive if you don’t have one!

Some men actually prefer women with a few extra pounds. Other men are more interested in finding someone they can cohabitate with peacefully than looks.

It’s great that you are trying to lose the weight, but only if it is because that is what YOU want to do for yourself or if there are health reasons. If you are losing the weight simply to appear more attractive the change won’t be permanent and you are likely to be disappointed with the results. Bottom line: is this something YOU really want to do for yourself or are you doing it to get a man?

There are plenty of guys out there that will love you just as you are. Whether you choose to lose the weight or not, you should still play on your strengths. There are tons of men out there that love food and really appreciate a woman who can cook! If you’ve got a great personality and a killer sense of humor play it for all it is worth. I consider myself attractive, but my strength is my intellect and that only appeals to a very narrow margin of men. A great personality and a good sense of humor is a priceless gem regardless of what you look like because there can’t be romance without laughter!

Good luck!
 
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SoilderLover is offline SoilderLover Post #6  October 10,2010, 1:48pm
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I agree with the other posters and I am one of those that automatically close a match if they don't post a picture.

I'm no supermodel and I don't really think that I am overweight but I know if I post a picture and they like what they see they are into me. If I don't and the first date goes bad after I thought we had a connection I am going to wonder if they chose not to date me anymore based off my looks.

Its hard to take rejection I've been there but you know if you post a picture its easier to deal with them closing you out now then finding out during or after the date they don't find you attractive. If someone truly loves you they will love you for who you are even if you are overweight.

I have seen some very pretty overweight women who feel good about being themselves and maybe that is why they find men is because they love being them no matter how much they weigh.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #7  October 10,2010, 2:01pm
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Yes, you should post pictures of yourself.

There have been many, many threads in these forums ... it's clear people think you have something to hide if you don't post pictures in your profile.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  October 10,2010, 3:21pm

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Hi Elainemarie,

Well, it’s unanimous. Go for it! I did want to encourage you, because I know countless people who are not cookie-cutter super models and are in happy long term relationships. Many people I know personally, in fact, are overweight and did post photos while on eHarmony and found someone (including one of my relatives who was matched with her now-husband the first week she joined).

You said you feel you’re not ugly, and it’s very good that you know that. But one thing I noticed with people (particularly those I mentioned who are overweight) who end up finding someone – they realize that they are a catch, and they post photos that show that they know they’re attractive people. This goes beyond the weight. It’s truly about confidence. And you have every reason to be confident if you are taking care of yourself as much as you’re able. You also have a unique set of qualities to offer someone special that no one else has.

Make it fun! Have a friend take a photo shoot of you in different settings and doing different activities. Enjoy yourself and know that while you may not end up being everyone’s cup of tea, the most important thing is that it only takes one (that goes for everyone on eHarmony). You may have read this article, but it’s an excellent reference:

dating advice, profile photos

Good luck!

~Kate
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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #9  October 10,2010, 4:08pm
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I'll agree with others and just add that in my group of friends, any female body type has its fans So having pictures up will bring such fans out to communicate. And attractiveness is only one "dimension of compatibility". On the other hand, having no photos could mean one is not serious enough, not a member or is potentially already in a relationship and is afraid of being discovered.
 
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NYCguy is offline NYCguy Post #10  October 11,2010, 6:06am
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ELAINEMARIE wrote :
I have only been on eharmony for about a month now, and Im overweight probably about 60-70 ILBS, I think I maybe should had weighted to join after I got my weight off, I thought about submitting a photo, but I don't want to turn anyone off. I really dont think I'm ugly, and I think I would be average looking, if I could get all my weight off. ... I don't want to turn off current match that I'm interested in. So do you think I should submit a photo anyway, thanks for your advice.
No! Don't post a pic. Wait until you meet the match so he/she can be disappointed in person!

Do you really want that scenario? As a man, there have been times when I wasted time, money and enthusiasm waiting for a cute chic to arrive, to only see that the head shot was untelling of the rest of her. And believe me, the disappointment was VERY evident on my face.

Either post the full picture and take your chances, or halt matches until you reach the body type you hope to attain. Don't risk the on-your-face embarrassment that comes with a match being disappointed on the first meet.
 
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