pinkISmyFAV is offline pinkISmyFAV Post #1  October 9,2010, 7:09pm
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Okay so Ive been on eharmony off and on for few months and I have been getting mixed responses. So I would love a little constructive criticisms on my profile. thanks


Basic Information

Occupation: Child Care/ Student Age 28 Height 5' 2" Wants Kids: Yes Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity African-American Religion: Christian Drinks: Never Smokes: Never

In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:

My older brother. He was always there for me and was like the father to me. Every time I think of him I smile.


The three things which I am most thankful for:

  • My health
  • My mother
  • Forgiveness

Three of my best life-skills are:

  • Helping those who are less fortunate or in need
  • Maintaining an organized life
  • Raising and/or caring for children


The things I can't live without are:

  • God
  • My mother( she's my rock)
  • cell phone
  • Law & Order SVU
  • Shoes/Purses (im a girly a girl)


The first thing people notice about me:

My personality. Im always laughing, life's to short to waste it being unhappy.


Some additional information I want you to know:

I seem shy and quiet at first... but I have a lil bit of a wild side once you get to know me


My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:

shhh... its a secret

The last book I read and enjoyed:

The only books I've read recently have been text books and childrens books, lol.... Human development, Goodnight moon and Green eggs and Ham to name a few.


According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:

  • Dependable
  • Genuine
  • Affectionate
  • Generous
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  October 9,2010, 10:57pm
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Hi Pink!
Usually I would read a profile like yours and say it's too terse, you need to say more. But yours ... ?? Maybe it's just my mood, but it does seem to convey your personality well, as is.

Oh wait, I think it's the pink type! You can't do your actual profile in pink, right? So you are going to have to find a way to convey the "pinkness" of you in black and white. (Fun, quirky, cute ... whatever it is.)

Oh and you forgot the 2 most important sections: "most passionate about" and "who I'm looking for" ... you should include those here.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #3  October 10,2010, 5:35am
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Your most passionate and what you're looking for sections are missing. These are the most important as its the first thing your matches look at.

As your profile is right now, I would probably close, there is nothing that grabs my attention and makes me say I need to hear more!!
pinkISmyFAV wrote :

The most influential person in my life has been:

My older brother. He was always there for me and was like the father to me. Every time I think of him I smile.
This is okay

The three things which I am most thankful for:

  • My health
  • My mother
  • Forgiveness
the first two are good, you can always expand on them too. Forgiveness.. makes me think you did something wrong.

example:My health.. I buy organic fruit and veggies whenever possible.
Three of my best life-skills are:

  • Helping those who are less fortunate or in need
  • Maintaining an organized life
  • Raising and/or caring for children
All good..
The things I can't live without are:


God
  • My mother( she's my rock)
  • cell phone
  • Law & Order SVU
  • Shoes/Purses (im a girly a girl)
Already mentioned mom, get rid of the cell phone and put something that might grab someone attentions.. cell phone is cliche and in 99.9% of the profiles
The first thing pAeople notice about me:
My personality. Im always laughing, life's to short to waste it being unhappy.
I would re-word this, it a good answer just doesn't flow, the last.Besides if I walk up to you.. are you laughing? also contradicts your answer below.
Some additional information I want you to know:

I seem shy and quiet at first... but I have a lil bit of a wild side once you get to know me
Horrible answer... rethink this one..
Could be something serious or something funny...

I secretly love marshmellow fluff..
or on holidays I help out a local soup kitchen..

Most guys don't want a shy girl - so this answer is only going to attract shy guys..

A bit of a wild side.. What does that mean??
are you going to blindfold me and tie me to the bed post
after a few drinks do you run around and screaming woo!!!

A phrase like that can be misinterpreted a bunch of ways.. people like to read too much into them.. just like I did..
My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:

shhh... its a secret

Really!! too bad I've never find out, because I closed your profile.. Give some hobbies or interest you enjoy. or what you do in your spare time.. don't just list them either, pick a few and expand a bit on them.

The last book I read and enjoyed:

The only books I've read recently have been text books and childrens books, lol.... Human development, Goodnight moon and Green eggs and Ham to name a few.
Okay..
According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:

  • Dependable
  • Genuine
  • Affectionate
  • Generous
Okay
bottom line most men will skim through a profile looking for deal-breakers and pet-peeves.

The pictures you upload are just as important if not more.. make sure you have atleast 3.. 1. head shot 2. full body(very important) 3. whatever.. and if you have a group photo.. add a caption and say which one is you..
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 10,2010 at 5:53am.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  October 10,2010, 2:57pm

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pinkISmyFAV wrote :
Okay so Ive been on eharmony off and on for few months and I have been getting mixed responses. So I would love a little constructive criticisms on my profile. thanks
pinkISmyFAV wrote :


Basic Information

Occupation:Child Care/ Student Age28Height5' 2" Wants Kids:YesKids at Home:No
EthnicityAfrican-AmericanReligion:Christian Drinks:NeverSmokes:Never

In my own words

The most influential person in my life has been:

My older brother. He was always there for me and was like the father to me. Every time I think of him I smile. This is sweet as-is. You may want to just include how he influenced you -- what exactly did he do for you growing up? How are you now because of what he did for you?


The three things which I am most thankful for:

· My health
· My mother
· Forgiveness
I think these are great, but TrekRyder10 has a good point about getting more "unique". And does forgiveness refer to a faith-related forgivness? That might be helpful to include if you are a person of faith and want to convey that.

Three of my best life-skills are:

· Helping those who are less fortunate or in need
· Maintaining an organized life
· Raising and/or caring for children

The things I can't live without are:

· God
· My mother( she's my rock)
· cell phone
· Law & Order SVU
· Shoes/Purses (im a girly a girl)
I especially like the last two; it's fine as-is, but as mentioned, you can make it stand out a little by going more specific on any of these.

The first thing people notice about me:

My personality. Im always laughing, life's to short to waste it being unhappy.

You probably don't have to say "my personality" since that's a given. The second part works, in my opinion (you may just want to watch spelling and punctuation -- do a spelling/grammar check in a Word document first, for example).

Some additional information I want you to know:

I seem shy and quiet at first... but I have a lil bit of a wild side once you get to know me

This is a type of answer that a lot of people put (shy at first). You may focus on something specific that isn't obvious right away. I think it would be a good idea to be specific about what you mean by "wild side". Do you sing loud at Karaoke, or are you ready to go parachuting at the drop of a hat? That kind of thing is helpful to avoid your matches' imaginations going where you don't want them to go.

My interests

I typically spend my leisure time:

shhh... its a secret

This is cute, but might be counter-productive. You could find more connections by actually saying what you like to do in your spare time.

The last book I read and enjoyed:

The only books I've read recently have been text books and childrens books, lol.... Human development, Goodnight moon and Green eggs and Ham to name a few.

This is a good idea since you're in school. I think it would be fun if you added why you enjoyed those books. That's party of the question.

According to my friends:

My friends describe me as:

· Dependable
· Genuine
· Affectionate
· Generous
Hi PinkISmyFAV,

Thanks for submitting your profile for review. And welcome to eHarmony Advice!

Yes, too bad eHarmony doesn’t have pink font! I think that Sassafras54 has a point – your brevity may actually convey your personality. All the same, you might want to get more specific and make sure you choose answers (as TrekRyder10 pointed out on some of your answers) that aren’t used by many other members. I think it helps to put unique answers that stand out from the crowd and reach the “audience” you’re targeting.

My specific suggestions are posted in purple in the quote. I think it would be good to include your “What you’re most passionate about” and “the quality you’re looking for in a partner” too, because they are the first sections (sometimes the only) that you’re matches see, so you want to grab their attention right off the bat.

All the best,

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #5  October 10,2010, 4:36pm
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pinkISmyFAV wrote :
Okay so Ive been on eharmony off and on for few months and I have been getting mixed responses. So I would love a little constructive criticisms on my profile. thanks
I am definitely not a pink girly-girl type of woman, but I did enjoy the light-hearted tone throughout your profile.

pinkISmyFAV wrote :
The most influential person in my life has been:

My older brother. He was always there for me and was like the father to me. Every time I think of him I smile.
Nice. Does your brother know this? Be nice to show him if not.

pinkISmyFAV wrote :
The three things which I am most thankful for:
* Forgiveness
The forgiveness quality needs expansion - I read it the same way Trek did.

pinkISmyFAV wrote :
The things I can't live without are:
  • God
  • My mother( she's my rock)
  • cell phone
  • Law & Order SVU
  • Shoes/Purses (im a girly a girl)
The last three answers may give the impression of you being of a frivolous or materialistic nature unfairly. I work for a Telco, the cell phone answer in a profile would be an instant close for me, as would the listing of a TV show. Each to their own though!

pinkISmyFAV wrote :
The first thing people notice about me:
My personality. Im always laughing, life's to short to waste it being unhappy.
Okay, you have a positive outlook - would people say that you are positive, that you usually look for the good in others, rather than focusing on their flaws? If yes, I'd suggest re-wording to focus on that rather than what you have above.

pinkISmyFAV wrote :
Some additional information I want you to know:
I seem shy and quiet at first... but I have a lil bit of a wild side once you get to know me
Deadset, this will be a turn-off. Shy/quiet and wild are opposites. I am highly introverted and it is a turn-off for men in person, you don't want to be writing something in your profile which is a turn-off before they even get to meeting you in person!

pinkISmyFAV wrote :
I typically spend my leisure time:
shhh... its a secret
Re-write, you need to include here things that you do like to do during leisure time. Nothing you write is going to be wrong, because it is you. But you need to give your matches the opportunity to find out if your hobbies and interests overlap. They can't tell this with your current answer.
 
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pinkISmyFAV is offline pinkISmyFAV Post #6  October 12,2010, 11:17am
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I didn't notice I left these two out until it was pointed out. Thanks for the feedback already given. Would love your take on these

What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
I'm looking for someone who is honest. Honesty is always the best policy with me.

What are you most passionate about?
Working with children. Who can have a bad day after you hear a little kid giggle?
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #7  October 12,2010, 11:25am

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pinkISmyFAV wrote :
Okay so Ive been on eharmony off and on for few months and I have been getting mixed responses. So I would love a little constructive criticisms on my profile. thanks


The things I can't live without are:
  • God
  • My mother( she's my rock)
  • cell phone
  • Law & Order SVU
  • Shoes/Purses (im a girly a girl)
  • The color pink
Added that for ya
 
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