Wien_Sean is offline Wien_Sean Post #1  October 9,2010, 12:51am
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I am of the philosophy that I use eHarmony to meet people. When I reach the OC stage I feel that I am ready to meet that person. My first email usually thanks the person for completing guided communications, say that I enjoyed reading their responses and mention something in particular that I liked from their profile or responses. I end by saying that I'd like to meet them and “looking forward to hearing from you.”


I used to write that I'd like to meet the woman soon and ask if she had any further questions, but I found that we would exchange emails and it got boring quick. I think it's much more interesting to find out about the person in person. The spark is lost by emailing back and forth too much. Plus I don't really know anything about the person until I meet them.



I've run into a problem though. One match said that she's like to take things slow (I consider eH guided communications pretty slow already) and would like to more emails. She asked a question, which I have no problem answering, and my answer is a positive one, but I want to avoid falling into the pen pal trap. Do I answer her question and then somehow suggest that we meet, not a date, but meet for coffee or something like that? Do I disregard the question and press on meeting? At what point do I broach the subject again? I normally wouldn't post because of just one match, but I have a feeling I am going to get more of these kind of responses.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #2  October 9,2010, 5:03pm
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Some people won't agree to meet until you talk for awhile. Suggest talking on the phone maybe. Better than email but not as fast as meeting.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #3  October 9,2010, 5:20pm
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I agree that it is best to meet as soon as you can. Judging from many of the posts on these boards, though, it seems as though many people feel more secure after they have exchanged an email or two.

Don't let it go too long, but a few emails don't hurt and they may be a big help in terms of comfort level.
 
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YellowUmbrella is offline YellowUmbrella Post #4  October 9,2010, 7:51pm
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I find after about 4 emails I get bored of the email thing and think it is time to meet. But I do like those 4 emails. It makes me feel a bit more comfortable about the actual meeting later.
 
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meri75 is offline meri75 Post #5  October 9,2010, 10:40pm
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Wien_Sean wrote :
I've run into a problem though. One match said that she's like to take things slow (I consider eH guided communications pretty slow already) and would like to more emails. She asked a question, which I have no problem answering, and my answer is a positive one, but I want to avoid falling into the pen pal trap. Do I answer her question and then somehow suggest that we meet, not a date, but meet for coffee or something like that? Do I disregard the question and press on meeting? At what point do I broach the subject again? I normally wouldn't post because of just one match, but I have a feeling I am going to get more of these kind of responses.
If your preference is to meet as soon as practical, then I think you should answer her question and then wrap up by stating that your preference to meet. Going slow doesn't mean stopping or making no progress at all.
 
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Wien_Sean is offline Wien_Sean Post #6  October 9,2010, 11:10pm
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Well I said that I can take things slow, but that there are something you can't find out about a person until you meet them. Then I didn't revisit the subject so it didn't seem like I was harping on it. I added a detail to a comment she made in her first email but then told her that I might tell her the full story sometime. Her question was about the fact that she has not traveled much, while I have (went to University in Austria), and she was wondering if that was an issue that she wasn't as worldly (her words, not mine). I said that it's absolutely not an issue. I felt the need to ask a question, just because it seems like I am not interested if I just write about myself. This may have been a mistake given that I want to get to the meeting part ASAP. Thoughts?

I think I might let this go one more round, but after that it's going to be meet or no deal. I've done the graduated approach (email>AIM/ICQ/MSN>phone>date) and it's sucked every time. Also, I am on the phone at work about five hours total in a work day, so I am not thrilled with the idea of calling her. Plus I don't think it adds to getting to know someone, especially since she's local.
 
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Wien_Sean is offline Wien_Sean Post #7  October 9,2010, 11:13pm
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meri75 wrote :
If your preference is to meet as soon as practical, then I think you should answer her question and then wrap up by stating that your preference to meet. Going slow doesn't mean stopping or making no progress at all.
If only I had seen this before...

I think what I wrote got the point across. If not, I will state it again, very clearly, and see what I get.
 
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