Is his eHarmony answer a deal breaker?


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eGrlCutey is offline eGrlCutey Post #1  October 7,2010, 5:04pm
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Ok so I sent a match the question: " Looking back at your life, describe one particular event that you wish you had handled differently?" If I'm at that stage where we're asking each other questions past the multiple choice ones, I take it we're interested to know the other more seriously and I expect a decent answer. The response I got was that he regrets in freshman year in college not asking out this really pretty girl he worked with. That was 24 years ago based on his age. Do you think he's too shallow to take things further because he sent me his set of questions and I'm on the fence if I should even bother answering them or not. Parts of his profile sound good such as his friends would describe him as funny, quiet, loyal and intelligent so I'm not sure what to do.

While I'm at it - another match answered the question about how romantic he considers himself by stating he doesn't consider himself a romantic person. I mean what woman doesn't want romance? I went ahead and still sent him my must haves/have-nots but I'm on the fence on this one too even though the rest of his profile looks good.
Last edited by eGrlCutey; October 7,2010 at 5:11pm.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #2  October 7,2010, 5:17pm
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eGrlCutey wrote :
Ok so I sent a match the question: " Looking back at your life, describe one particular event that you wish you had handled differently?"

The response I got was that he regrets in freshman year in college not asking out this really pretty girl he worked with. That was 24 years ago based on his age. Do you think he's too shallow to take things further
well, I don't think he's ever going to be confused with Plato...if that's the question you're asking.
 
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BlueEyedLizzie is offline BlueEyedLizzie Post #3  October 7,2010, 5:18pm
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I pay no attention to how they answer those questions unless it reveals a serious conflict. The questions are so canned and can be interpreted any number of ways. I really wouldn't let either of their answers deter you.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  October 7,2010, 5:20pm
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Personally I ignore these sort of non-quantifiable answers (to what are, in any case, silly, unnecessary questions), and meet.

In my experience, women who flew through the process, who gave quick, funny, or flippant answers turned out to be much more appealing people.

(This is logical, since good people have no reason to agonize over a question from a stranger.)

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Now, if you get a quantifiable answer which is incompatible, then I'd be concerned about it.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #5  October 7,2010, 5:20pm
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Mmm...I'm more pragmatic than romantic. But I wouldn't admit that to a potential date. Maybe ask him a little more in the second set of questions? He may be able to explain himself in a way that would not be a negative.

As far as asking the girl out goes...did he say anything else? Since he's in the process of dating, maybe it's been on his mind and he's trying to be more bold this time around.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #6  October 7,2010, 5:21pm
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Not sure how you get he is shallow out of that response. If that is your only flag, then let this one slide and continue on.

#2 I would continue on with this one too..



I wouldn't read too much into either of those responses and close an otherwise good match, if I was confused by their responses, then I would ask for them to clarify once in OC..
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  October 7,2010, 5:27pm
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On another note, I think those are bad questions to ask:

"Looking back at your life, describe one particular event that you wish you had handled differently?"

This is like a bad job interview question. It is not conducive to encouraging a match to want to meet you. It needs care, thought, and time to answer well - more than is appropriate for a stranger.

"While I'm at it - another match answered the question about how romantic he considers himself by stating he doesn't consider himself a romantic person."

This question is about what you can get from someone. This is a theme that I close for.

I might give the same answer; it's basically an alternative to closing the match, while giving her a chance to still meet, where she has a chance to convince me to continue.

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Personally, I pick the easier questions, those which convey no baggage, and those which are not about getting.
 
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eGrlCutey is offline eGrlCutey Post #8  October 7,2010, 5:27pm
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hmmm Maybe I've been too tough. I've closed so many matches because of similar type answers that didn't flow with me so well even though I had really liked their profile. Interesting to get another's take on it, to not put so much weight on these questions.

lunabeach wrote :
Mmm...I'm more pragmatic than romantic. But I wouldn't admit that to a potential date. Maybe ask him a little more in the second set of questions? He may be able to explain himself in a way that would not be a negative.

As far as asking the girl out goes...did he say anything else? Since he's in the process of dating, maybe it's been on his mind and he's trying to be more bold this time around.

That's a really good idea, maybe I'll let it go to second set of questions first and at least ask him further about his lack of being romantic and allow him to elaborate. Thanks.
 
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eGrlCutey is offline eGrlCutey Post #9  October 7,2010, 5:37pm
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D_Lion wrote :
On another note, I think those are bad questions to ask:

"Looking back at your life, describe one particular event that you wish you had handled differently?"

This is like a bad job interview question. It is not conducive to encouraging a match to want to meet you. It needs care, thought, and time to answer well - more than is appropriate for a stranger.

"While I'm at it - another match answered the question about how romantic he considers himself by stating he doesn't consider himself a romantic person."

This question is about what you can get from someone. This is a theme that I close for.

I might give the same answer; it's basically an alternative to closing the match, while giving her a chance to still meet, where she has a chance to convince me to continue.

***

Personally, I pick the easier questions, those which convey no baggage, and those which are not about getting.
Wow I'm blown away at your perspective. I've been a member for about 10 months and you can imagine the majority I close due to these types of responses. But I do think these are good questions to gauge what someone is like. You can learn a lot about someone if they take the questions seriously, if they open up and list something really bad that happened and how looking back they could have handled it differently. It could show if they're honest and open and admit to something they messed up on maybe no fault of their own or maybe their fault that in hindsight they have learned a lesson from. You can't just save these things for when you meet in person.

As for asking if they're romantic, it's not fishing for what you can get from someone lol. Being romantic is like being loyal or honest - it's a trait that can make a big difference in a relationship. I can't believe you'd consider closing a match based on them having asked that!!
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #10  October 7,2010, 5:39pm
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eGrlCutey wrote :
That's a really good idea, maybe I'll let it go to second set of questions first and at least ask him further about his lack of being romantic and allow him to elaborate. Thanks.
The way I would approach it wouldn't be to refer back to his not romantic response, but consider what romance means to you - is it time together? shared interests? looking out for each other? And then ask a question to gauge his stance on that (the what is an interest you hope to share question, a specific question about something in his profile relating to what he's looking for in a partner, or what's something a friend would say about you? would tell you something about how he relates to people).
 
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