Are you afraid to communicate?


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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #1  October 7,2010, 3:49pm
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This question is specifically for those of you who are reluctant and/or afraid of exchanging phone numbers with a match. I would like to know why are you afraid to exchange numbers?

Do you feel that the person who receives your number will abuse it and blow your phone up?

Do you believe that your personal safety is at risk my doing so?

For those of you who prefer to go from eH OC(email) to personal meet/greet, why haven't you talked to your match over the phone before agreeing to meet? Why would you not want to leave paper trails if your safety is that much of a concern for you?

Lastly, how does being afraid help you to get the results that you are seeking?


B.Y.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #2  October 7,2010, 5:40pm
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Well Yoda, it seems like everybody here is afraid to talk about being afraid to communicate.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #3  October 7,2010, 6:12pm

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I think a lot of the times the hesitation comes from people being new to online dating. Once they have met a few people, this tends to go away.

At least I know that is how it worked for me.

And too funny, Tweet.
 
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peacefulharp is offline peacefulharp Post #4  October 7,2010, 6:48pm
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Hey BY,

I am one of those people who prefers to go from e-mailing directly to a first meet.

I know many here will not agree with me but giving out my number to someone I know nothing about is a safety concern for me. I am happy to meet in person in a public place but I do not want people showing up unexpectedly at my home.

The phone number is more sensitive to me than e-mailing through a dating site because it can be used to gather other information (i.e. address).

This is not an issue for people that I meet first in person because it is much easier to get an accurate read on a person when you are face-to-face than through a computer screen. Call me paranoidharp if you prefer!
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #5  October 7,2010, 9:38pm
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tweet37 wrote :
Well Yoda, it seems like everybody here is afraid to talk about being afraid to communicate.
Lol. Nah, I think there are other reasons, but I will not get into it. Haha.

B.Y.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #6  October 7,2010, 9:43pm
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LizziePooh wrote :
I think a lot of the times the hesitation comes from people being new to online dating. Once they have met a few people, this tends to go away.

At least I know that is how it worked for me.

And too funny, Tweet.
I guess. Personally, I believe that we are in danger whenever we leave the house. We are in danger even when we are at home. Point is, we can't allow our fears to prevent us from living. There is an element of risk that must be taken otherwise we might as well lock ourselves in the closet and only come out when we need use the toilet. Lol

B.Y.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #7  October 7,2010, 10:04pm
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peacefulharp wrote :
Hey BY,

I am one of those people who prefers to go from e-mailing directly to a first meet.

I know many here will not agree with me but giving out my number to someone I know nothing about is a safety concern for me. I am happy to meet in person in a public place but I do not want people showing up unexpectedly at my home.

The phone number is more sensitive to me than e-mailing through a dating site because it can be used to gather other information (i.e. address).

This is not an issue for people that I meet first in person because it is much easier to get an accurate read on a person when you are face-to-face than through a computer screen. Call me paranoidharp if you prefer!
I would like to discuss this topic with you, but I don't want to offend you nor do I want you to take my opinion personally, ok?

I am curious in knowing how much safer you will be meeting someone without giving a number that you can always change? Can't a person harm you in public? Secondly, someone who is smart can still get your personal information without a phone number.

I would not agree to meet someone without talking on the phone first. One reason is if I agree to meet someone without access to calling her, then I can't contact said person on moments notice in case I have to change/cancel plans. Another reason is that it makes it easy for someone to poof/disappear after the meet. Third, a person who doesn't exchange numbers have trust issues and is too paranoid for my nerves.

I don't want a landline number. Only a cell number to call or text. I may not want to meet everyone I talk to on the phone and I believe that some encounters should end at the phone level. I am not one of those people who needs to meet someone right away nor am I one of those people who like to make character assessments off of written texts which can be easily misinterpreted/misconstrued. I need emotion behind words and voice inflection.

I do understand your safety concerns and there are weirdos out there, but I also believe that most people will not abuse the phone and harrass you. A person who is a predator can and will harm you if he wants to whether he has your number or not.

I am not trying to tell you to change your mind for you have to do what you feel is best for you, but not giving a number out is a lil over the top IMO.

No disrespect intended.

B.Y.
Last edited by BabyYoda; October 7,2010 at 10:07pm.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #8  October 8,2010, 3:41am
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I've actually seen this happen !
A friend of mine gave out her cell number and the guy called / texted incessantly.

Also to "surprise" and "impress" her, he left flowers at her door. She never gave him her address, he bragged about clever and attentive he was to go through the trouble of finding out.
peacefulharp wrote :

I do not want people showing up unexpectedly at my home.

The phone number is more sensitive to me than e-mailing through a dating site because it can be used to gather other information (i.e. address).

 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  October 8,2010, 4:46am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
I've actually seen this happen !
A friend of mine gave out her cell number and the guy called / texted incessantly.

Also to "surprise" and "impress" her, he left flowers at her door. She never gave him her address, he bragged about clever and attentive he was to go through the trouble of finding out.
Yup, idiots abound. I've definitely had my phone blown up with incessant calls and txts. I know I've had at least several guys look up all kinds of information about me - that was really creepy and disturbing on many levels. The way that it came out is that they knew more than I've ever told them. A lot of people out there seem to be losing all concept of acceptable social boundaries.

Some of the hesitation may also be bad timing. For instance, if you just had your phone blown up by some guy, you'll think twice about giving it out to the next guy. After a little while you'll get over it.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #10  October 8,2010, 6:09am
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I have no issue giving out my phone number after we've reached OC. I stick to my cell phone number, and have never had any issue with someone tracking me down or abusing it.

But I have gotten to the point where I'm fearful to give it out since it seems to be the kiss of death. Whenever I'm e-mailing back and forth in OC and offer up my phone number -- poof, I never hear from them again!

I know a lot of guys are cautious about asking for it b/c they don't want to appear too forward, so I thought I was doing them a favor. Usually say something along the lines - "Not sure how you prefer to communicate, but if you'd like to give me a call sometime, here's my cell. Or, if you prefer to stick to e-mail that's fine too."

Then dead silence...
 
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