Wants more kids - Yes/Maybe/No


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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #1  October 6,2010, 5:41am
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I'd rather love someone I can't have than have someone I can't love.

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OK, I posted this as a reply in another thread but wanted a thread about this specifically. Sorry to anyone forced to read it twice.

Just to see what would happen I went and changed my answer on whether or not I want more kids from maybe to no and clicked the find new matches button. I immediately got 4 new matches so I can pretty much guarantee that if you answer maybe, you won't get matched with people who answer no.

This doesn't make sense to me because the reason I chose maybe was because I don't particularly want more kids but would not be completely opposed to the idea if I ended up in a LTR with someone that wants more!

I really think their should be an option for people to get matched with people that pick yes or no! I'd have no problem being in a LTR with someone that doesn't want kids or with someone that does want kids so why penalize me for picking maybe by refusing to match me with people that pick no?

I know I can continue to do what I just did and change my answer but if I do this I think it will show up on my matches home page and cause them concern, possibly causing them to close me which means I loose out on communicating with someone that may have been a good match for me!

My question is: Can anyone verify if people I'm already matched with can see if I change that answer back and forth, in an effort to get matched with both people who answer yes and people who answer no?
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #2  October 6,2010, 5:54am
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I think it will show that you updated your profile - if you go back and change your answer to maybe after doing the search for more matches, they won't know what you changed (unless they're online and check your profile in those 2 minutes and read carefully enough to notice that you changed that preference, which is unlikely).

I'm a maybe for the same reason - I'm willing to have kids/adopt, but it's not a deep driving need for me so if someone really didn't want them it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #3  October 6,2010, 6:09am
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has all the tools and can........satisfy

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What lunabeach said.

There was a post here awhile back by one of the mods (Lori, Kate or Renee) that explained how eH matches people with that selection. But they put more effort into things like changing the date stamp on posts instead of making the search function work, so good luck finding it.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #4  October 6,2010, 6:18am
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I'd rather love someone I can't have than have someone I can't love.

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Ok, because I know when people add to the written stuff on their profile it shows the changes they made on my homepage so I wasn't sure if it would indicate that the answer is what I updated.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #5  October 6,2010, 6:26am
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If you do it regularly, you might look a little schizo for changing your profile but not actually changing it all the time The upside is that it will keep you at the top of the list on the main page, which will get you more views. That never seems to hurt.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #6  October 6,2010, 6:49am
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I'd rather love someone I can't have than have someone I can't love.

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lunabeach wrote :
The upside is that it will keep you at the top of the list on the main page, which will get you more views.
I used to view other peoples profiles just for that same reason. Then there were posts that indicated multiple views could be looked at as a bad thing.
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #7  October 6,2010, 7:06am
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Ugh, it's too much to think about. Interpretations of intention make my head hurt.

Why would someone looking at my profile be a bad thing? The only negative I can think of is if they're in communication, haven't answered in days, but keep looking at the profile. I either answer or close, I don't spend days waffling.

If there's no communication and they want to look, I don't imbue it with meaning. I tend to send communication when I'm interested and close when I am definitely not, with a few matches every day just getting archived (wouldn't be opposed, but not interested enough at this point...on slow weeks I either communicate or close those). Maybe some people just like to look...to each his own.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #8  October 6,2010, 7:11am
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I agree but there are people that, for whatever reason, claim this makes people look "stalkerish"

Never understood that reasoning but have seen a lot of posts where people have made that comment.
 
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YellowUmbrella is offline YellowUmbrella Post #9  October 6,2010, 7:23am
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ISearch4Love wrote :
I really think their should be an option for people to get matched with people that pick yes or no! I'd have no problem being in a LTR with someone that doesn't want kids or with someone that does want kids so why penalize me for picking maybe by refusing to match me with people that pick no?
Yes! Agreed! We "maybe"s are maybes for a reason. I think it is really unfortunate that we can only be in the yes/maybe or no camp. It's assumed that a maybe is really an almost-yes I suppose.

Even if we could choose to see "no"s as well, and it not be an automatic thing. That way the maybes that are really more towards the "yes" side of the spectrum could still not see "no" profiles.

I wonder how many users would have to share this opinion before the structure of matching is changed on eHa...
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #10  October 6,2010, 4:19pm

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YellowUmbrella wrote :
Yes! Agreed! We "maybe"s are maybes for a reason. I think it is really unfortunate that we can only be in the yes/maybe or no camp. It's assumed that a maybe is really an almost-yes I suppose.

Even if we could choose to see "no"s as well, and it not be an automatic thing. That way the maybes that are really more towards the "yes" side of the spectrum could still not see "no" profiles.

I wonder how many users would have to share this opinion before the structure of matching is changed on eHa...
I am throwing my cap into the ring. If you pick maybe, you should get yes and nos. I really did not know this is how it worked. I am glad you started your thread, YellowUmbrella and I am glad NearDC explained the matching and I am glad Isearch4love confirmed it.

I am a no-learner too now and I would prefer Nos but I don't want to change to No since I will only get Nos and I would be fine (maybe prefer - not sure on that yet) being a step-parent and I think a lot of people that have kids probably select maybe so if I change to no, I will never get the maybes.

Maybe is maybe, why do they assume it is Yes. *frustrated*
 
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