YellowUmbrella is offline YellowUmbrella Post #1  October 5,2010, 5:43pm
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There's something I've been wondering about. When it comes to having kids, I'm a no-leaning maybe. As in I can visualize a very happy fulfilling life without children, and I have some concerns about the time/energy/dedication having kids takes, but also know that with the right person it's possible I might want kids. I basically don't want to say 100% either way. But I'm 31 so who knows. If the maternal bug was going to bite, it probably would have by now.

However, since I'm stated as a "maybe" I'm also getting matched with guys who definitely want kids. I'm wondering should I put something on my profile to show my views so they aren't led on and can close me out? Should I close them out? I'm hoping to meet someone who can go either way. I imagine if someone has said "yes" for kids, he knows for sure this is what he wants and being with someone of my thinking isn't the best use of dating time!

Also, I think it is a shame eHa won't match me with "no" for kids guys, because as a no-leaner I'd still be interested in those matches...

Please let me know what you think/what you'd do in my situation. I'd love to hear your views.
 
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VolGal is offline VolGal Post #2  October 5,2010, 5:51pm
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I'd leave it as you have it - "maybe" - since that's your thought process now. You are willing to consider both options, and with the right person, having children would be doable.

Please remember that there are guys who would say "wants kids" to get a date. Remember how children are created? Practice, practice, practice.

So I'd leave my options open, as you have, and then as the relationship progresses and the conversation naturally comes up, be transparent, open and honest with your date.

I can't figure how you can go wrong. It is YOUR body clock that has an end to its ticking. The guys - they don't.
 
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ISearch4Love is offline ISearch4Love Post #3  October 5,2010, 6:35pm
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Simple answer would be to leave you settings the way they are and talk about this very soon after you get to OC.
 
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RockSteady is offline RockSteady Post #4  October 5,2010, 7:02pm
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Personally, in your case, I'd choose No Kids. That seems to be the way you lean "most", whether you think you are leaning or not. (That's just my opinion from what you've said here) And then I would add in the More Info section, that you might consider a different stance to having kids with the right person.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #5  October 5,2010, 7:06pm

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It is a shame that eharmony has such a vague kids answer. It would be great if we could fill in stuff.

I think since you mentioned no-leaner a couple of times that you are more no than yes so when you do get a yes, I would explain that to them if I were you.

I like ISearch4Love's idea to bring it up in communication. I would use it as one of your questions to him. "I see you have yes in your want kids section and this is how I feel ..... Would that be a problem for you?"

I mention my answer for the maybe question in the "About me" section of the profile. I sent my profile to some male posters here and I got a mixed response on seeing that there. When I first did eH, I was younger so my answer was yes and I remember hating getting the maybes! I was always wondering what does that mean? So I would usually ask in the free form questions what they meant. Now that I am a maybe, I just put it out there in the profile.
Last edited by LizziePooh; October 5,2010 at 7:11pm.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #6  October 5,2010, 7:07pm

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RockSteady wrote :
Personally, in your case, I'd choose No Kids. That seems to be the way you lean "most", whether you think you are leaning or not. (That's just my opinion from what you've said here) And then I would add in the More Info section, that you might consider a different stance to having kids with the right person.
lol! RockSteady beat me to it and much shorter too!
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #7  October 5,2010, 7:08pm
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If you choose "maybe," then you will be matched with people who choose "maybe" or "yes." If you choose "no," then you will only be matched with men who also choose "no."

If you are truly open to both options, then the best thing to do is to periodically alternate your response between the "maybe" and "no" options. This way, you will get matched with both "maybes" and "nos."
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #8  October 5,2010, 7:12pm

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neardc wrote :
If you choose "maybe," then you will be matched with people who choose "maybe" or "yes." If you choose "no," then you will only be matched with men who also choose "no."

If you are truly open to both options, then the best thing to do is to periodically alternate your response between the "maybe" and "no" options. This way, you will get matched with both "maybes" and "nos."
I think I got nos when I was a yes and I think I get nos and yes' now that I am a maybe.

I am pretty sure. Now I am not so sure. lol!
 
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YellowUmbrella is offline YellowUmbrella Post #9  October 5,2010, 7:40pm
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neardc wrote :
If you choose "maybe," then you will be matched with people who choose "maybe" or "yes." If you choose "no," then you will only be matched with men who also choose "no."

If you are truly open to both options, then the best thing to do is to periodically alternate your response between the "maybe" and "no" options. This way, you will get matched with both "maybes" and "nos."
I was thinking of doing this but don't matches get an update when I update my profile? Or they may check back. If they see it going from no to maybe to no to maybe wouldn't they think I'm incredibly fickle or maybe suffering from a split personality disorder?
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #10  October 5,2010, 7:45pm

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YellowUmbrella wrote :
I was thinking of doing this but don't matches get an update when I update my profile? Or they may check back. If they see it going from no to maybe to no to maybe wouldn't they think I'm incredibly fickle or maybe suffering from a split personality disorder?
lol! Yeah, I have seen leaps to split personality disorder for less around here.
 
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