Contacting matches with alterior motives


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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #1  October 5,2010, 10:29am
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Have you ever contacted matches with the intent of never meeting/greeting or dating someone? Do you think some of your matches have done this towards you?

Let's say that you suspect that a match is purposely dragging out the GC process or OC communication process. Would you purposely decide to never meet that person without closing out their profile?


B.Y.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #2  October 5,2010, 10:33am
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BabyYoda wrote :
Have you ever contacted matches with the intent of never meeting/greeting or dating someone? Do you think some of your matches have done this towards you?
contacted no
been contacted yes.

wrote :
Let's say that you suspect that a match is purposely dragging out the GC process or OC communication process. Would you purposely decide to never meet that person without closing out their profile?
B.Y.
Just went through this recently on another site, no lie- I just sent an email to a match stating that I no longer am going to be a pen-pal, either we are going to meet or end communication.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #3  October 5,2010, 10:38am
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
contacted no
been contacted yes.
Why do you think someone would purposely not meet you, especially if they initiated contact?



wrote :
Just went through this recently on another site, no lie- I just sent an email to a match stating that I no longer am going to be a pen-pal, either we are going to meet or end communication.



I don't blame you. Did this person tell you that she was looking for pen-pals? I know on some other sites, people do state that they are looking for pen-pals which I find to be rather odd. Also, how long have you been communicating with this person before you sent the ultimatum?

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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #4  October 5,2010, 10:46am
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BabyYoda wrote :
Why do you think someone would purposely not meet you, especially if they initiated contact?
-new to e-dating
- too busy with work/travel
- backburner


wrote :
I don't blame you. Did this person tell you that she was looking for pen-pals? I know on some other sites, people do state that they are looking for pen-pals which I find to be rather odd. Also, how long have you been communicating with this person before you sent the ultimatum?B.Y.
Nope they did not state it, the profile says looking for long-term.It was three weeks, I asked for a phone number on the 3rd email, which was somewhat ignored, anyways I only kept it up because I was bored and she would IM me everytime I was online.

Yesterday she said I could take her to dinner... lol
I said where? when?. her reply- Oh I'm not ready for that yet.. I said good bye! lol
Last edited by TrekRyder10; October 5,2010 at 10:49am.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #5  October 5,2010, 10:56am
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
-new to e-dating
This is confusing. How does being new to e-dating have to do with not wanting to meet someone? Are you suggesting that maybe said person is afraid to meet someone? If so, then I will agree. If not, then its puzzling logic.


wrote :
- too busy with work/travel


Sounds like an excuse to me. How did they find time to set up an account and fill out a profile? How did they find time to respond to you period? So, a person can't invest a few minutes before bedtime to respond to someone? When someone travels, they don't have personal time? If a person doesn't have time to communicate with someone, then why bother being ona an online dating site?


wrote :
- backburner


This is another one that makes little sense. So, when that person decides to take you out of their backburner, they expect you to be there ready to communicate? I don't know about you, but I don't make someone a priority who makes me an option. If a person chooses the latter, then I will "opt" to close them out for good!



wrote :
Nope they did not state it, the profile says looking for long-term.
wrote :
It was three weeks, I asked for a phone number on the 3rd email, which was somewhat ignored, anyways I only kept it up because I was bored and she would IM me everytime I was online.
Been there, done that. I am sorry, we would not be IM'ing each other. Probably already has a man. I am not a fan of impersonal communications. It goes from email, to phone, to in person. Not, email, to IM, to nothing...lol

I guess you said you were bored, so I can understand why you chose to entertain yourself with this person.

B.Y.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #6  October 5,2010, 10:59am
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TrekRyder10 wrote :
Yesterday she said I could take her to dinner... lol
I said where? when?. her reply- Oh I'm not ready for that yet.. I said good bye! lol
I missed this part. Man..She was playing games all along. This is why I stopped IMing folks. Last person I IM'd was someone I was intimate with, so I got what I wanted out of the deal. But, aside from that, I am not doing that mess anymore.

B.Y.
 
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dazedconfuzed is offline dazedconfuzed Post #7  October 5,2010, 11:04am
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I have to agree with what Trek says. I think people (men AND women) who do to people like the chick did to Trek, are attention seekers... just want their ego stroked and get a little thrill from knowing someone is interested in them and has been putting up with their stringing along antics.

I get guys who do this all the time. If they haven't asked me out, asked for my number, called me within a short and reasonable amount of time, I move on.
 
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RebornInFire is offline RebornInFire Post #8  October 5,2010, 11:14am
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TrekRyder10;1135354
[FONT=Tahoma wrote :
Yesterday she said I could take her to dinner... lol[/FONT]
I said where? when?. her reply- Oh I'm not ready for that yet.. I said good bye! lol

The one time I had a woman that squirrelly about meeting and did finally meet her, she lied about her appearance and several other things. I felt very sorry for her, but I realize now she was living vicariously through emails and by pressing for a meeting, she knew the charade was over. She was just trying to extend it as long as possible. Since then it's better to take a "**** or get off the pot" attitude towards meeting. Don't let a woman or man keep you in email limbo because they don't view themselves as relationship material.
 
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TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #9  October 5,2010, 11:32am
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BabyYoda wrote :
This is confusing. How does being new to e-dating have to do with not wanting to meet someone? Are you suggesting that maybe said person is afraid to meet someone? If so, then I will agree. If not, then its puzzling logic.
Yes that is what I am saying, you'd be surprised how many newbies are afraid to meet within the first week or two of signing up, usually they are flooded with emails and overwelmed.

Also some newbie's don't know how to multi-date in the beginning.

wrote :
Sounds like an excuse to me. How did they find time to set up an account and fill out a profile? How did they find time to respond to you period? So, a person can't invest a few minutes before bedtime to respond to someone? When someone travels, they don't have personal time? If a person doesn't have time to communicate with someone, then why bother being ona an online dating site?
I say the same this to myself. I pass-over every profile that I'm a busy with xxxx xxxx

I am communicating with a girl now that is like this, between her career, school and activities, if doesn't look as if she has time to date.. We are supposed to met this week so we will see..

wrote :
This is another one that makes little sense. So, when that person decides to take you out of their backburner, they expect you to be there ready to communicate? I don't know about you, but I don't make someone a priority who makes me an option. If a person chooses the latter, then I will "opt" to close them out for good!

I really don't mind being back-burnered, being realistic, we are all option 2 or 3....

like I said earlier, some people don't know or are against multi-dating. So if we are a good match, and they come back.. so what! .. This wouldn't happen if we had meet. but personally I not going to let my pride get in the way of meeting someone.

wrote :
Been there, done that. I am sorry, we would not be IM'ing each other. Probably already has a man. I am not a fan of impersonal communications. It goes from email, to phone, to in person. Not, email, to IM, to nothing...lol
I am the same way, I'd rather meet sooner that later and follow that same email-phone-meet line up card!

The IM's are not as bad as you think. It just depends on the site.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #10  October 5,2010, 11:49am
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dazedconfuzed wrote :
I have to agree with what Trek says. I think people (men AND women) who do to people like the chick did to Trek, are attention seekers... just want their ego stroked and get a little thrill from knowing someone is interested in them and has been putting up with their stringing along antics.

I get guys who do this all the time. If they haven't asked me out, asked for my number, called me within a short and reasonable amount of time, I move on.
I think you should always move on if someone isn't showing you interest within a reasonable amount of time. If it is all about entertainment, then simply say so.

B.Y.
 
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