Response to the "Attractiveness" Must-Have?


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #1  October 5,2010, 5:44am
FaintestInkli…'s Avatar

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 1,105

See profile

I just received MHCS from a match, and it is the first time I've had someone list this one:

" Attractiveness... I must have a partner who is considered "very attractive" by most current standards. "


I find this one a little off-putting. I personally, would never want to be with someone who I personally did not find attractive, but I make that value judgment based on first seeing her picture, and then later meeting. I don't really understand why someone cares if their partner is attractive "by most current standards."

Anyway, you're supposed to close a match if you find several of their MHCS incompatible, right?

I have a picture up, and I think it's a representative picture. But frankly, I don't think I'm "attractive by most current standards."

(I'm relatively tall and in good shape, but don't really think I have exceptional facial structure or skin or unique eyes or anything like that. If most women thought I was attractive, I think I would have noticed by now!)

So if you think, on the infamous scale of 1 to 10, you merit maybe a 4 to 6 ... what do you do with a match who lists "Attractiveness" as a MHCS?

She's superficial and close? She shouldn't care how other people view her partner's attractiveness, and close? She didn't read the Must Have very carefully, and proceed? It's a test to see how confident you are, and proceed? It's a test to see how confident you are and that's a silly game, and close? She ought to be able to see my picture and make her own judgment and proceed?

What's the point in this Must Have at all?
Last edited by FaintestInkling; October 5,2010 at 5:48am.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  October 5,2010, 5:57am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

MH/CS is primarily utterly pointless and if I were you, I'd refrain from making judgments about your match based on them.

The reality is that you have no idea what she really had in mind when she picked that one. If she is communicating with you, then she saw your picture and is clearly interested and thinks that you are attractive enough in her opinion. The reality is that ALL attractiveness is subjective and comes from the view of the person looking. I may think this person is attractive by most standards and the person next to me may disagree. Ultimately, it does not matter one bit that you don't feel the same way about yourself....although you may wish to work on your confidence.... what matters is what she thinks and sees in you.
 
  Reply With Quote
dmi is online now dmi Post #3  October 5,2010, 6:08am
dmi's Avatar

dreams of Pyramids and Empires

Power Poster

Joined: May 2010

East Coast

Posts: 5,802

See profile

Worst MH/CS ever. It just makes you look shallow. It also doesn't help your match decide anything aside from whether they want to date a shallow person. I mean, if you've gotten to MH/CS then you both find each others looks acceptable. Only time this might make sense is on FCW for non-paying members.

I've met a eH matches that I would consider "very attractive by most current standards." They all say that they normally close anyone that has that MH/CS.
 
  Reply With Quote
Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #4  October 5,2010, 7:02am
Dropdeadredtx's Avatar

Still listening for the jingle of dog tags that isn't there...

Board Leader - Books

Joined: Apr 2010

Houston

Posts: 14,637

See profile

Usually my philosophy about this one is that they can see my pictures, they can close me if I don't meet the standards. However, since we are in the midst of the free guided communication event, you might assume that they are not paying members and can't see a photo. I went through to OC with a guy on one of the FCWs, exchanged contact info in OC. As soon as he saw pictures he closed me; on another site I was rated as a 7 overall and an 8.5 for my age group, so it's just SO subjective. During free events you are at a greater risk to be shut down for superficial reasons.
Last edited by Dropdeadredtx; October 5,2010 at 7:12am. Reason: Not being vain, just making my point....
 
  Reply With Quote
FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #5  October 5,2010, 7:16am
FaintestInkli…'s Avatar

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 1,105

See profile

What are the dates for the free guided communication event? (I was thinking it was just the weekend, or I wouldn't have even asked the question.)
 
  Reply With Quote
TrekRyder10 is offline TrekRyder10 Post #6  October 5,2010, 7:26am
TrekRyder10's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Jan 2010

In a van down by the river

Posts: 4,802

See profile

FaintestInkling wrote :
What are the dates for the free guided communication event? (I was thinking it was just the weekend, or I wouldn't have even asked the question.)
Oct 1st thru Oct 10th

http://www.eharmony.com/promotional-code
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #7  October 5,2010, 7:43am
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

FaintestInkling wrote :
What are the dates for the free guided communication event? (I was thinking it was just the weekend, or I wouldn't have even asked the question.)
But you really don't have a way to know if she is just using the FCW or an actual paid member until you get to talk to her further. Unless you have a million better options just dying for a date with you, I'd say give people the benefit of the doubt and at least talk to them.

I know that some of the worst profiles and answers have been the best people in real life. Had I been fickle and closed them out over pixels on the screen, well....it would have been my loss.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #8  October 5,2010, 7:54am
Wiseman2's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 6,322

See profile

Yes, it a dumb one.
However some people think it's Santa's Wish list ,

not a realistic summary of traits they prefer.


FaintestInkling wrote :
" Attractiveness... I must have a partner who is considered "very attractive" by most current standards. "

What's the point in this Must Have at all?
 
  Reply With Quote
windsurfing is offline windsurfing Post #9  October 5,2010, 8:30am
windsurfing's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 819

See profile

FaintestInkling wrote :
*snip*
She's superficial and close? She shouldn't care how other people view her partner's attractiveness, and close? She didn't read the Must Have very carefully, and proceed? It's a test to see how confident you are, and proceed? It's a test to see how confident you are and that's a silly game, and close? She ought to be able to see my picture and make her own judgment and proceed?

What's the point in this Must Have at all?
Relax and take it easy.
 
  Reply With Quote
Harryoss is offline Harryoss Post #10  October 5,2010, 9:30am
Harryoss's Avatar

chooses his words carefully. (Most of the time!)

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2010

Los Angeles, CA (SF Valley)

Posts: 1,176

See profile

dmi wrote :
Worst MH/CS ever. It just makes you look shallow. It also doesn't help your match decide anything aside from whether they want to date a shallow person. I mean, if you've gotten to MH/CS then you both find each others looks acceptable. Only time this might make sense is on FCW for non-paying members.

I've met a eH matches that I would consider "very attractive by most current standards." They all say that they normally close anyone that has that MH/CS.
I don't understand this train of thought. Honestly, in almost all cases, at that point in the communication process you can NEVER know why your match chose that as a must have... so why do you find it safe to assume that only ONE of all possibilities is the true reason for them having picked it (Shallowness).

In fact, you choosing to close a match because Attractiveness is a must have for them says more about YOU than it says about them. It means you're either:

a) Insecure about your own looks
b) Have a VERY negative outlook on the opposite sex
c) Are looking for a reason to close the person out
d) Have issues with rejection/being cheated on

And the list goes on and on.

Maybe they put Attractiveness as a must have because they are being truthful to themselves and others? Attractiveness is a must have to ALL of us. Stop looking at MH/CS as "a specific list of things she made JUST FOR ME". Think of them as "Things he/she considers in general before dating someone" and maybe you'll realize why they picked it (and even take it as a compliment, btw... because obviously it means they found you attractive to consider you). Remember, every person has 1 MH/CS list which they rarely alter on a match by match basis.

And that's only ONE explanation (admittedly, it's mine). One of many possibilities.

So you see, you could be much better off simply asking the person why they chose attractiveness as a must have, and then you'd get insight into their thoughts/reasoning and maybe you could make a more informed decision rather than jump into baseless conclusions.
Last edited by Harryoss; October 5,2010 at 9:40am.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« profile review please - 33 year old male | Using eHarmony | Is there a "new" eHarmony account interface? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Do I dignify his non response with a response? bct31 Dating 53 December 14,2010 5:45am
How long do you wait for a response? Ennaras Using eHarmony 33 August 29,2010 2:13pm
Response Time Frame dell2500 Using eHarmony 20 October 8,2009 4:18am
wanting a response? reenz Using eHarmony 11 September 26,2009 10:21am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Thanks! dmi said it best when he said the variation between races are too wide to exclude any race.” –  sun73

Join the “How much does race play in your dating someone?” discussion

“ If you know, then, that you've already friend-zoned him, I don't see much point in meeting. I misread your op and thought you were just trying to decide how you felt about him. If you know you ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “Yellow flags...To Proceed or not to proceed, that is the question?” discussion

“You are very Welcome Simplicity...” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion

“ We also have the same friends. Yesterday there was an outing and I decided to go regardless if he was going to be there or not. Every time he saw me he went somewhere else. One of his friends ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Can I wait and move on at the same time?” discussion

“You will have the option to close a match at any time, but if it is ONLY giving you the option to close, that means the other person has already closed it.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “Question, archive, close...” discussion

“ Very true, this is a high percentage of the members who use free comm weekends.” –  eH_Advice_Host_Eve

Join the “dreaded free weekend” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 6:50pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0