bdapriv01 is offline bdapriv01 Post #1  October 4,2010, 8:10am
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Hi

Just wondering if I could get a quick review of my profile - lots of ladies are looking at it, but none seem to want move past icebreakers. Wondering if something on it is, a glaring this guy is a weirdo:

The one thing I am most passionate about:
Taking care of myself...enjoying new & exciting activities. Trying something different. Enjoying life

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
Someone who is honest, genuine, caring, warm interested in body & health.

The most influential person in my life has been:

A Grade 4 math teacher. I was struggling in school, and after some assistance from her, it was discovered that I wasn't challenged enough.. I was bored. Life lesson.. when your behind -> you could actually be ahead of everyone else.

The three things which I am most thankful for:

My health.
My intelligence.
That I can do anything I want.


Three of my best life-skills are:

Using humour to make friends laugh
Maintaining an organized life
Achieving personal goals

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

How romantic & sensitive I am.

The things I can't live without are:

Laughing for a good part of the day
Sunny & Nice Weather
The internet
Good Entertainment
Excellent Food


The first thing people notice about me:

How fun, open, and energetic I am.


I typically spend my leisure time:

Hiking, connecting with people, enjoying coffee, running. Biking after work, reading the newspaper. Going swimming. Go skiing. Skating at the Olympic Oval. Watching stars on a dark night... sitting outside by a fire. Cooking with old & new friends.


The last book I read and enjoyed:

"The Art of Contrarian Trading: How to Profit from Crowd Behavior in the Financial Markets." When I grow up I would like to become a day trader... My 2 biggest heros are Warren Buffet and George Soros. This book has some ideas, on how they think.


My friends describe me as:

Warm
Affectionate
Intelligent
Generous


Any comments?

Regards
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #2  October 4,2010, 8:36am
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Don't send icebreakers - they really aren't effective unless you're asking someone to post pictures/complete their profile. Just send questions to anyone you find interesting; it will increase your response rate.

bdapriv01 wrote :


The one thing I am most passionate about:
Taking care of myself...enjoying new & exciting activities. Trying something different. Enjoying life
This is a very common answer - the general consensus of profile review persons is that picking one specific thing you can get excited about and elaborating is a good way to go. I answered it as an enthusiastic "what I'm doing with my life" and that's gotten good response.
The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
Someone who is honest, genuine, caring, warm,interested in body & health.
This is ok - not particularly original or specific. Technically the question is "one thing" - but your answer could be "Compatibility. Someone who is..." and then why you care about those things (presumably b/c those are things you have to offer?)
The most influential person in my life has been:

A Grade 4 math teacher. I was struggling in school, and after some assistance from her, it was discovered that I wasn't challenged enough.. I was bored. Life lesson.. when your behind -> you could actually be ahead of everyone else.I would rephrase - "My grade 4 math teacher took an interest in me when I was struggling in school. She discovered that I wasn't being challenged enough and was bored in class. It was a life lesson for me, to consider that what I need to succeed in life is to challenge myself." Or something. Make it more personal and less choppy.

The three things which I am most thankful for:

My health.
My intelligence.
That I can do anything I want.
Maybe elaborate? These are not flattering as is - they sound braggy and bulldozer-like.


Three of my best life-skills are:

Using humour to make friends laugh
Maintaining an organized life
Achieving personal goals

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

How romantic & sensitive I am.
It's ok...a common answer to the question is centered around being nicer/more outgoing/etc than is immediately obvious. I chose to share a facet of ny sense of humor that is important in my interactions with close friends but not strangers.
The things I can't live without are:

Laughing for a good part of the day
Sunny & Nice Weather
The internet
Good Entertainment
Excellent Food


The first thing people notice about me:

How fun, open, and energetic I am.


I typically spend my leisure time:

Hiking, connecting with people, enjoying coffee, running. Biking after work, reading the newspaper. Going swimming. Go skiing. Skating at the Olympic Oval. Watching stars on a dark night... sitting outside by a fire. Cooking with old & new friends.

Good - they give a picture of what you enjoy and are also activities that would be fun with a partner.
The last book I read and enjoyed:

"The Art of Contrarian Trading: How to Profit from Crowd Behavior in the Financial Markets." When I grow up I would like to become a day trader... My 2 biggest heros are Warren Buffet and George Soros. This book has some ideas, on how they think.
Yay! You read! And it's a funny answer

My friends describe me as:

Warm
Affectionate
Intelligent
Generous


Any comments?

Regards
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  October 4,2010, 8:37am
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bdapriv01 wrote :
Hi

Just wondering if I could get a quick review of my profile - lots of ladies are looking at it, but none seem to want move past icebreakers. Wondering if something on it is, a glaring this guy is a weirdo:

The one thing I am most passionate about:
Taking care of myself...enjoying new & exciting activities. Trying something different. Enjoying life This reads as self centered - I'm most passionate about myself. Think of something better to say here. What gets you out of bed in the morning? You mention later on stock trading - if that's a passion, then talk about it.What about skating? Pick something and talk about it briefly.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
Someone who is honest, genuine, caring, warm interested in body & health. That last about body and health supports your first paragraph in a negative way - that you are possibly a Mr. Vain. It's going to turn off women even if they are fit and on the same page as you.

The most influential person in my life has been:

A Grade 4 math teacher. I was struggling in school, and after some assistance from her, it was discovered that I wasn't challenged enough.. I was bored. Life lesson.. when your behind -> you could actually be ahead of everyone else.

The three things which I am most thankful for:

My health.
My intelligence. This is a bit arrogant and funny in an ironic way because you have grammatical errors and typos in your profile.
That I can do anything I want.


Three of my best life-skills are:

Using humour to make friends laugh
Maintaining an organized life
Achieving personal goals

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

How romantic & sensitive I am.

The things I can't live without are:

Laughing for a good part of the day
Sunny & Nice Weather
The internet
Good Entertainment
Excellent Food


The first thing people notice about me:

How fun, open, and energetic I am.


I typically spend my leisure time:

Hiking, connecting with people, enjoying coffee, running. Biking after work, reading the newspaper. Going swimming. Go skiing. Skating at the Olympic Oval. Watching stars on a dark night... sitting outside by a fire. Cooking with old & new friends.


The last book I read and enjoyed:

"The Art of Contrarian Trading: How to Profit from Crowd Behavior in the Financial Markets." When I grow up I would like to become a day trader... My 2 biggest heros are Warren Buffet and George Soros. This book has some ideas, on how they think.


My friends describe me as:

Warm
Affectionate
Intelligent
Generous


Any comments?

Regards
Some of my comments above. Please keep in mind that I'm only commenting on how some things in your profile can be misinterpreted by a reader - I'm not commenting on you as a person.

Overall, one issue with your profile is that I really don't get any sense at all of who you are - it's too superficial. Another issue is that you keep saying how funny you are but....there is not a single witty comment on your profile that would support that. It almost reads like you are trying too hard to convince.

What makes me initiate communication is a profile that is interesting. So don't be afraid to expand and talk about some things that make you an interesting person. What would your friends tell me about you if they were trying to convince me to meet you?
 
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bdapriv01 is offline bdapriv01 Post #4  October 4,2010, 9:37am
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Hi

Thanks for the info! Not offended at all. I made some changes to my profile based on your comments...

Specifically I put some more detailed info on there. These sites are sort of weird - its hard to describe my personality, in a few lines!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  October 4,2010, 9:50am
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bdapriv01 wrote :
Hi

Thanks for the info! Not offended at all. I made some changes to my profile based on your comments...

Specifically I put some more detailed info on there. These sites are sort of weird - its hard to describe my personality, in a few lines!
I hear you. One thing that might help and give you some ideas is perusing profiles that other guys have posted and how some of them adjusted them. There are a few on here that I've seen that are awesome.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #6  October 4,2010, 1:27pm
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On your profile I do see age and the other info...

when I saw the comment on what book you read...it didnt come off to me as a joke...I wasnt sure if you were serious in "when you grow up..."

remember....words can read two drastically different ways.
 
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Apuleuis is offline Apuleuis Post #7  June 17,2011, 9:35pm
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bdapriv01 wrote :
Hi

The one thing I am most passionate about:
Taking care of myself...enjoying new & exciting activities. Trying something different. Enjoying life

This is very generic.

The most important thing I am looking for in a person is:
Someone who is honest, genuine, caring, warm interested in body & health.

You need complete sentences and should also check your grammar. It looks like you answered some of these as quick as you could (then again this form is a difficult process).

The most influential person in my life has been:

A Grade 4 math teacher. I was struggling in school, and after some assistance from her, it was discovered that I wasn't challenged enough.. I was bored. Life lesson.. when your behind -> you could actually be ahead of everyone else.

Like someone else mentioned, it is choppy. "A" math teacher? Why not "My" math teacher. You say she's the most influential then give her a title implies you feel no connection.

The three things which I am most thankful for:

My health.
My intelligence.
That I can do anything I want.

Can do anything you want? I assume you are referring to have freedoms or abilities or something. But it also may mean you will do what you want, when you want, and not compromise in a relationship.

Three of my best life-skills are:

Using humour to make friends laugh
Maintaining an organized life
Achieving personal goals

The one thing I wish MORE people would notice about me:

How romantic & sensitive I am.

Again, generic. No guy says he's not romantic or sensitive.

The things I can't live without are:

Laughing for a good part of the day (what does this even mean?)
Sunny & Nice Weather
The internet
Good Entertainment
Excellent Food



The first thing people notice about me:

How fun, open, and energetic I am.


I typically spend my leisure time:

Hiking, connecting with people, enjoying coffee, running. Biking after work, reading the newspaper. Going swimming. Go skiing. Skating at the Olympic Oval. Watching stars on a dark night... sitting outside by a fire. Cooking with old & new friends.

I like the detail in this one. But maybe could use a little grammar work.

The last book I read and enjoyed:

"The Art of Contrarian Trading: How to Profit from Crowd Behavior in the Financial Markets." When I grow up I would like to become a day trader... My 2 biggest heros are Warren Buffet and George Soros. This book has some ideas, on how they think.

Like this part too. I liked the subtle humor. but a smiley face might make it a bit clearer how its intended.

My friends describe me as:

Warm
Affectionate
Intelligent
Generous


Any comments?

Regards
My biggest issues is most of really gives no hint to who you are, and the lack of grammar (may be just me, but doesn't hurt)
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #8  June 18,2011, 8:28am
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Ditto to grammar...watch your ellipses (overused and improperly). Educated women want to see that you haven't just thrown your profile together/don't know the difference.

Just to add to what others have said...specifics make the man!

Are you Metallica, camaro and meatloaf or grits, F-150, hunting dogs and Garth or R&B and ribs and the metroline or are you a vegan hippy yoga dude?????

What "exciting activities"...is that trying a new latte or skydiving???

No sense at all of how you lead your day to day life.

Each specific adds a hook or possible connection point...something to say "Me too" or "tell me about that"...

The best section is your book, and the leisure activities (still needs some pumping up)...that leaves the beginning very flat. Also good pics are a necessity.

Your "five things" THIS is where you should break out of the box. Use sensory language and not be too literal. Don't say "excellent food" (vague) say "a medium rare T-bone steak" or "crispy bacon." Use taste, touch (my worn levis), smell...

Best-K
 
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HelenDanger is offline HelenDanger Post #9  June 18,2011, 10:27am
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If I were browsing guys and saw one who thought he could do "whatever he wanted," I'd laugh and move on very quickly. Sorry to say, I'd think he was either a complete brat or someone who doesn't articulate his life's philosophy very well.
 
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