Laura8 is offline Laura8 Post #1  August 10,2010, 7:41pm
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Hi Everyone,
I have re-opened my account recently and have noticed something different this time around that I am hoping this will not be something permanent.
First of all, I have the same Profile as I did before. Last time, I received a lot of matches on a daily basis. Many of whom, replied to my first set of questions. And many also initiated the communication process as well. There was a heck of alot of more normal activity last time than there is now.
I have noticed that, there have been about 3 men who haven't had the decency to reply to the 5 questions which I had sent. They automatically have closed it. And the thing is, with some of them I was willing to try to find out more about them and not close them days earlier before any questions have been sent! And they couldn't even give it a try. I'm sorry, but that is rude. That just makes me so annoyed that some just don't even give it a try. I have sent the first before, I would rather send the first rather than sit and wait to find out whether I will receive any questions at all. I would rather be closed after the first set rather than being simply ignored. Isn't it worth the try, and isn't that what eh is about? I'm hoping that this will not be a pattern.
 
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MagicalTrev is offline MagicalTrev Post #2  August 10,2010, 9:23pm
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So, sounds like you are offended because they closed you before you closed them.

eH is about having the choice to communicate or close, and those guys closed.

One could argue that their choice to actually close was courteous when they could have just chosen to ignore you. Instead, they communicated by letting you know they weren't interested by closing.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  August 10,2010, 10:14pm
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Laura, would you rather they communicate with you and wait until you reach OC to tell you they aren't interested. They did you and themselves a big favor by closing and indicating they are not interested. Not every match will be willing, able or even still active on their account to communicate with you. It's the nature of e-dating.

I'm also slightly confused at one of the last sentences in your post. It seems a direct opposite of what you stated earlier. Do you want your matches to close you if they aren't interested? Whether it be before, during or after the first questions? Or are you expecting every match you send 1st questions to, to at least answer those and then close you after?
 
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Laura8 is offline Laura8 Post #4  August 11,2010, 5:12am
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Hi Everyone,
Sorry for the slightly confusing post! I was aggravated. I was just saying that, for me, I would prefer someone to close me in the following scenarios: 1. Anytime during any of the communication stages or 2. Before any questions are shared.
While I appreciate that they have communcated at all, I just thought that it would have been nice to get to know someone a bit before closing the door immediately, espeically if there are questions involved.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  August 11,2010, 11:04am
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Hi Laura,
I think etiquette is a little different online than it is IRL. If you were at a party, and initiated talking to some guy and asked him a question, and he turned on his heel and walked away, that would be rude.

Online though? It's not rude. That guy knows he does not want to go further with you, so he does what he's supposed to do, if he's polite: he closes you. The impolite thing in this case would be to just not respond at all.

Don't take it personally. There are a lot of reasons why you get closed. Some of them are about you: but not that there's something wrong with you, just that a guy doesn't see you as a match. There are many other reasons that are not about you: you live too far away; you're the wrong age; he's gotten involved with someone; whatever.

Just forget those guys, and focus on the matches who do respond.
 
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Laura8 is offline Laura8 Post #6  August 12,2010, 6:41am
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Hi Everyone,
Thanks for the replies. It is very interesting how things appear to be IRL vs online. I hardly let any of it bother me, I have since forgotten about it, and have been communicating with other matches since then. It is very nice to be doing so from men who have initiated communication and vice versa.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  August 13,2010, 12:26pm
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I wonder if your eHarmony profile is at all similar to your Advice profile? Including the photo you have here.
 
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Laura8 is offline Laura8 Post #8  August 13,2010, 7:02pm
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Hi Everyone,
I am very pleased with my eH profile, pictures and all. My Advice Profile is only 1 sentence long.
 
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