Short answers to thoughtful questions...


Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
hummingbird_in_the_jungle is offline hummingbird_in_the_jungle Post #1  July 31,2010, 7:42pm
hummingbird_i…'s Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2010

Posts: 30

See profile

Does it bother anyone else when you come up with questions or choose thoughtful questions for the "Open-Ended Questions" section and then your match responds with one lame sentence? When a match does that, it makes me think that he's not comfortable talking about himself. Or it just annoys me because I'm putting a lot of time and effort into finding a good match; what's the point when the other person doesn't seem to do the same?

I'll admit, I'm one of those gals who will "Insta-close" a match who is skimpy with his profile. Doubly-so if there's no photos or only one photo. Sorry, but I just don't feel like profiles like that are worth my time. Anyone else?
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  July 31,2010, 7:50pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,717

See profile

The thing that matters is meeting.

Everything other than meeting is not important.

Sometimes I find questions stupid, or inapplicable to me.

Sometimes I find them to be a sign of her baggage - but, rather than close her I decide to meet and give her a chance (rather than assume.)

If you cared about finding a "good match," you would meet. Reluctance to meet, or excessive concern over meaningless online rambling, is itself a sign of a person who is not motivated to find a partner.

***

If your match ignored your question, you could consider rephrasing it in open communication, or asking it at your first meeting.
 
  Reply With Quote
Wootz is offline Wootz Post #3  July 31,2010, 8:09pm
Wootz's Avatar

walks the walk

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Appalachian Mountains

Posts: 1,660

See profile

Different folk have different communication styles- some are less comfortable with online interactions- or text, or the phone, and so on. It helps a lot to have someone with whom you can communicate reliably and meaningfully.

That said, I wouldn’t close someone out *just* because they gave a short answer to a serious question. There would have to be another reason (general incompatibility across multiple lines works here).

As D_Lion says, all of this is subordinate to seeing and talking to someone *in person.* Much is lost in text, and via the phone. Nuances of dress, facial expressions, and other non-verbal cues are important. Meeting in person will give you a much clearer idea of who that person is.

Though it must also be said- “unfinished” looking profiles generally look to me like non-paying members (and thus unable to contact and meet in person). Short answers to questions can be a bit off putting, but if there are other *positive* signs that interest me, I would continue on to the meeting and go from there.

To me, these are like spelling and grammatical errors. Annoying, but not really a big deal to me in the bigger picture. Good luck, lass- and may you find the one you seek.
 
  Reply With Quote
NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #4  July 31,2010, 8:16pm
NYCpigeon's Avatar

There are oceans of feelings between us

Veteran

Joined: Oct 2009

Brooklyn, NY

Posts: 1,163

See profile

I recently closed a match for this. He answered the 2nd questions with a short incomplete sentence. But, the answers were lame. Also, there were other things that were troubling, such as a seemingly excessive interest in him asking money-related questions.

An example of a lame answer was:

I asked him what were 3 personal qualities that he would bring to a relationship. Answer: Intelligent, I'm a nice guy, I'm normal

Question: What is it that you learned from past relationships?
Answer: That people don't change.

As you can see, the answers are shorter than the questions.

I just read this as lack of interest. Maybe I was wrong for that. I do put in a lot of effort in answering questions, so I guess I expect the same in return.
 
  Reply With Quote
annother is offline annother Post #5  July 31,2010, 8:28pm
annother's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Apr 2010

Alberta

Posts: 10,735

See profile

I'm no longer with EH, but I still sometimes get short answers to thoughtful questions. I read them as an indication of the writer feeling either smug (superior to the whole process) or careless (not interested much in how I might respond).

Either way, it is not helpful to developing an understanding. Even when the questions are facile or irrelevant, the person asking them deserves a civil response.

If responses to questions are troubling but not terminal, I still recommend an early in-person meeting. This will tell you much, much more about the person you are trying to know.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  July 31,2010, 8:55pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

NJ

Posts: 30,717

See profile

NYCpigeon wrote :
An example of a lame answer was:

I asked him what were 3 personal qualities that he would bring to a relationship. Answer: Intelligent, I'm a nice guy, I'm normal

Question: What is it that you learned from past relationships?
Answer: That people don't change.

As you can see, the answers are shorter than the questions.

I just read this as lack of interest. Maybe I was wrong for that. I do put in a lot of effort in answering questions, so I guess I expect the same in return.
annother wrote :
I'm no longer with EH, but I still sometimes get short answers to thoughtful questions. I read them as an indication of the writer feeling either smug (superior to the whole process) or careless (not interested much in how I might respond).

Either way, it is not helpful to developing an understanding. Even when the questions are facile or irrelevant, the person asking them deserves a civil response.

I get that many women place undue importance on their "questions." (Men may as well, but I wouldn't know.)

You might try considering that what is important to you may be meaningless, immaterial, or (worse) a sign of baggage or failure to your match.

For this reason, I tend to ask benign questions.

If my match gives short answers, then I push for the meeting even faster. No skin off my back.

If she gives long, thoughtful answers (which is rare), I might try a bit harder. (Maybe, since meeting is still the point.)
 
  Reply With Quote
frogprince is offline frogprince Post #7  July 31,2010, 10:32pm
frogprince's Avatar

is at home.

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 774

See profile

NYCpigeon wrote :
I recently closed a match for this. He answered the 2nd questions with a short incomplete sentence. But, the answers were lame. Also, there were other things that were troubling, such as a seemingly excessive interest in him asking money-related questions.

An example of a lame answer was:

I asked him what were 3 personal qualities that he would bring to a relationship. Answer: Intelligent, I'm a nice guy, I'm normal

Question: What is it that you learned from past relationships?
Answer: That people don't change.

As you can see, the answers are shorter than the questions.

I just read this as lack of interest. Maybe I was wrong for that. I do put in a lot of effort in answering questions, so I guess I expect the same in return.
In general women are better communicater's than Men. I am great when in person but not so good with the written word. You should be more lenient with your matches. Why are you closing everyone? I would give your matches more chance to show themselves instead of closing at first chance. Like the other poster said you will know whne you meet them whether they are right for you.
 
  Reply With Quote
frogprince is offline frogprince Post #8  July 31,2010, 10:36pm
frogprince's Avatar

is at home.

Enthusiast

Joined: Jul 2010

Posts: 774

See profile

D_Lion wrote :
I get that many women place undue importance on their "questions." (Men may as well, but I wouldn't know.)

You might try considering that what is important to you may be meaningless, immaterial, or (worse) a sign of baggage or failure to your match.

For this reason, I tend to ask benign questions.

If my match gives short answers, then I push for the meeting even faster. No skin off my back.

If she gives long, thoughtful answers (which is rare), I might try a bit harder. (Maybe, since meeting is still the point.)
For one of my matches I get paragrahs back for simple questions in open communication. But guess what her occupation is a writer. I compare to my short answers and I feel inadequate. But I am still replying to her. Like you said wait for the meeting.. I feel like the guided questions are just a way for everyone to feel more comfortable in the iniitial meeting. I don't even pay attention to the must haves/can't stands. Meaningless to me.
 
  Reply With Quote
melman is offline melman Post #9  July 31,2010, 10:49pm
melman's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2009

Posts: 2,944

See profile

NYCpigeon wrote :
An example of a lame answer was:

I asked him what were 3 personal qualities that he would bring to a relationship. Answer: Intelligent, I'm a nice guy, I'm normal

Question: What is it that you learned from past relationships?
Answer: That people don't change.
See, I think these are lame questions. Totally baggage-y. You've got to hold my interest till we meet. How do these questions help do that? I would probably close you (and have closed real matches) for asking these kinds of questions. I'm not going to seriously think about questions like these online, or even on the first couple of meets.

But none the less, you asked them. So if I still think I want to meet you, I have to answer in a way that holds your interest. I have to subtly tell you "these are stupid questions, and I'm not going to answer them now"... without saying that directly of course.

Off the top of my head:

(3 personal qualities) Well, there's my stamp collection, my Larry Bud Melman Fan Club card, and ... oh, did you say "qualities"? You'll have to discover that for yourself.

(past relationships) Lucy and Desi had a nice relationship. But did you ever notice that they slept in separate beds? What was that all about?

How'd I do?
Last edited by melman; July 31,2010 at 10:51pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
annother is offline annother Post #10  August 1,2010, 4:07am
annother's Avatar

Sage

Joined: Apr 2010

Alberta

Posts: 10,735

See profile

melman wrote :
Off the top of my head:

(3 personal qualities) Well, there's my stamp collection, my Larry Bud Melman Fan Club card, and ... oh, did you say "qualities"? You'll have to discover that for yourself.

(past relationships) Lucy and Desi had a nice relationship. But did you ever notice that they slept in separate beds? What was that all about?

How'd I do?
I'd appreciate those answers because they make me smile, and because you have considered what you will say. They also give me a hint about your sense of humour; that's always good.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Free Communication for 10 days...will it help? | Using eHarmony | Who's Viewed Me question »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Error when trying to submit answers to match's questions geega98 Using eHarmony 8 January 9,2012 7:43am
Are these questions odd kmkz Using eHarmony 55 July 23,2010 10:20am
Copying your questions bella8bella Using eHarmony 20 April 6,2010 1:48pm
Why are these questions included? Oregon_Coast_Guy Using eHarmony 25 October 15,2009 9:12am
I can never get to second questions! Dyveke23 Using eHarmony 11 June 27,2009 1:19pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“The tennis ball story is a good analogy, RD, and that's how I interpret "gut feeling" -- a conclusion/sense of something that's a thought, not a feeling; though it will have feelings associated with ... ” –  Sassafras54

Join the “Is Your Gut Leading - or Misleading You?” discussion

“Agree. Given where you are emotionally, I would cease all communication with Mr. Trade Show. You're vulnerable. He's up for a challenge. It's playing with fire. You'll be in a bad place in the ... ” –  emma_hazards

Join the “Received lovely email from former poofer” discussion

“How about phone calls, then?” –  barbarella_42

Join the “Advice on Response time” discussion

“I have never spoken to a woman like he has. Yeah, I have never spoken to a woman like that either. It is a hard call to whether he is just as jerk, or whether he is a player. Both are feasible ... ” –  ScottK

Join the “So, men. Explain this to me, please!” discussion

“I have come to this same conclusion. Thank you.” –  bibittyboo

Join the “Confused about date #2” discussion

“Harmonygirl, I do not usually make up my mind on blanket situations but instead would examine each one on it's own merits, so I cannot answer your question. However, just in the going about of daily ... ” –  Ephemera

Join the “Atheism, Religion and Tolerance” discussion

“I was ok until the kiss on the cheek part....That doesn't sound like your defenses were up at all... It's one thing for a guy to walk up and start with the cheesy lines....But as soon as I say, "no ... ” –  Ingytravel

Join the “So this guy walks into a bar . . .” discussion

“ No. It is not wise. You have to throw all your eggs into one basket for love to work at all. Relationships are inherently riskier than careers. You can't use the same rules. You might lose ... ” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Becoming Exclusive” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:51pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0