He did a Bait & Switch on his Location-MARRIED!


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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #1  July 31,2010, 5:55am
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I was communicating with this match from New York. He had written in his profile that he was interested in meeting someone who is adventurous and independent.

After beginning communication, I began to realize that something was amiss because he was focusing too much on how "You have to want to be with someone, not need to be with someone, and he basically was too centered on that he didn't want to spend a lot of time together in a relationship. Also, he selected D) for the question: When in a relationship, how much personal space do you need.

But, I decided to continue and see where this ends up. We get to the email stage and I asked for his phone number. Well, he didn't send it. Instead, he wrote back that he owns a company in Connecticut, but lives in Manhattan on the weekends, so that's the only time we would see each other.

He didn't mention any of this in his profile. He's a phony and I called him on it.

Lame? Yes. Married? Yes.

I reported him.

What do you think?
 
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Lilycat is offline Lilycat Post #2  July 31,2010, 6:46am
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NYCpigeon wrote :
I was communicating with this match from New York. He had written in his profile that he was interested in meeting someone who is adventurous and independent.

After beginning communication, I began to realize that something was amiss because he was focusing too much on how "You have to want to be with someone, not need to be with someone, and he basically was too centered on that he didn't want to spend a lot of time together in a relationship. Also, he selected D) for the question: When in a relationship, how much personal space do you need.

But, I decided to continue and see where this ends up. We get to the email stage and I asked for his phone number. Well, he didn't send it. Instead, he wrote back that he owns a company in Connecticut, but lives in Manhattan on the weekends, so that's the only time we would see each other.

He didn't mention any of this in his profile. He's a phony and I called him on it.

Lame? Yes. Married? Yes.

I reported him.

What do you think?
I can see why you were uncomfortable with this, it strikes me as being a bit odd. How do you know for sure he was married, or was it an assumption? Although from what you have said in your post, I think it is a pretty solid one.......

The lack o'digits (ignoring the phone # request) would certainly make me wary, and in the past has generally been an indicator of something wrong......

Not mentioning it in the profile, well, I can understand that, I would not necessarily mention something like that either, after all you can't say everything in a profile, nor would you wish to, I think.

Next.

JMHO

Lilycat
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #3  July 31,2010, 7:13am

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NYCpigeon wrote :
I was communicating with this match from New York. He had written in his profile that he was interested in meeting someone who is adventurous and independent.

After beginning communication, I began to realize that something was amiss because he was focusing too much on how "You have to want to be with someone, not need to be with someone, and he basically was too centered on that he didn't want to spend a lot of time together in a relationship. Also, he selected D) for the question: When in a relationship, how much personal space do you need.

But, I decided to continue and see where this ends up. We get to the email stage and I asked for his phone number. Well, he didn't send it. Instead, he wrote back that he owns a company in Connecticut, but lives in Manhattan on the weekends, so that's the only time we would see each other.

He didn't mention any of this in his profile. He's a phony and I called him on it.

Lame? Yes. Married? Yes.

I reported him.

What do you think?
I think you should have arranged a meeting with him and had Bruno waiting to take out the trash when he arrived.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  July 31,2010, 8:00am
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what did he say when you asked if he was still married?
 
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socalgal55 is offline socalgal55 Post #5  July 31,2010, 8:13am
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NYCpigeon wrote :
I was communicating with this match from New York. He had written in his profile that he was interested in meeting someone who is adventurous and independent.
So nothing in his profile about wanting to meet the woman of his dreams or some variation thereof?
After beginning communication, I began to realize that something was amiss because he was focusing too much on how "You have to want to be with someone, not need to be with someone, and he basically was too centered on that he didn't want to spend a lot of time together in a relationship. Also, he selected D) for the question: When in a relationship, how much personal space do you need.
I've had that one several times, are you saying this one is indicative of a married man?
But, I decided to continue and see where this ends up. We get to the email stage and I asked for his phone number. Well, he didn't send it. Instead, he wrote back that he owns a company in Connecticut, but lives in Manhattan on the weekends, so that's the only time we would see each other.
Interesting, so do you always ask for the phone number once you get to email or were there so many red flags you felt that this was the way to flush him out?
He didn't mention any of this in his profile. He's a phony and I called him on it.

Lame? Yes. Married? Yes.
So sorry, good that you reported him though.

I reported him.

What do you think?
I would have been amazed had I not been reading this board. Why in the heck would a married man come to EH to hook up? There are so many other dating sites that aren't about finding the love of your life.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #6  July 31,2010, 8:27am
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socalgal55 wrote :
I would have been amazed had I not been reading this board. Why in the heck would a married man come to EH to hook up?

Because he can.

wrote :
There are so many other dating sites that aren't about finding the love of your life.
You're assuming he's not on multiple sites.
 
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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #7  July 31,2010, 8:51am
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NYCpigeon wrote :
I was communicating with this match from New York. He had written in his profile that he was interested in meeting someone who is adventurous and independent.

After beginning communication, I began to realize that something was amiss because he was focusing too much on how "You have to want to be with someone, not need to be with someone, and he basically was too centered on that he didn't want to spend a lot of time together in a relationship. Also, he selected D) for the question: When in a relationship, how much personal space do you need.

But, I decided to continue and see where this ends up. We get to the email stage and I asked for his phone number. Well, he didn't send it. Instead, he wrote back that he owns a company in Connecticut, but lives in Manhattan on the weekends, so that's the only time we would see each other.

He didn't mention any of this in his profile. He's a phony and I called him on it.

Lame? Yes. Married? Yes.

I reported him.

What do you think?
About a third of my matches are lawyers and business execs, who select D for that personal space question. Many of them don't want to share the phone numbers, and can only meet say Tu evenings or Su afternoons, because they also split the time between different locations of the firm or branches etc. I thought they are just workaholics with bad social manners, but guess this opens my eyes that I should report many of them as potentially married.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #8  July 31,2010, 10:22am
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hankscorpio wrote :
I think you should have arranged a meeting with him and had Bruno waiting to take out the trash when he arrived.
I like your style.

scarlet13 wrote :
what did he say when you asked if he was still married?
He wrote back, "What???" Ten minutes later, he closed me.


When I asked him for his phone number, it took him 5 days to respond back (and not with the number, but with a story). When I told him he was married, he responded back in 5 minutes.

He said he could only see me on the weekends before we even met. You don't even know if you like someone. He was trying to make sure I would agree with the time restrictions before we could proceed. And he was trying to make me think he owned a company.

My take is that he's compartmentalizing everything from the start. This is what married guys do. Two locations, one of which is fake. He controls everything. And no phone calls.

I posted this more for the purpose because I want people to be aware. These guys (I know that women do it too) are predators. I'm not worried about myself because I have good radar. But, I hope that people read this and scrutinize their matches more and don't believe everything they read.

Especially women, because you are looking for a relationship so badly that you walk right into these things and don't realize it. And that's exactly what these guys prey on, that you are desperate.
Last edited by NYCpigeon; July 31,2010 at 10:47am. Reason: Socalgal, the phone number Always does them in. Especially when I ask for a second call. They can't pull it off.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #9  July 31,2010, 10:47am
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I'm not sure how these facts seem to create concern:


NYCpigeon wrote :
He had written in his profile that he was interested in meeting someone who is adventurous and independent.

Nothing wrong with this at all. In fact, I've written similar things myself.


NYCpigeon wrote :
After beginning communication, I began to realize that something was amiss because he was focusing too much on how "You have to want to be with someone, not need to be with someone," and he basically was too centered on that he didn't want to spend a lot of time together in a relationship. Also, he selected D) for the question: When in a relationship, how much personal space do you need.

This can easily be intepreted as he does not want clingy, needy women (I don't either.) These are also the way I communicate to indicate that I don't have great amounts of free time, and that I prefer partners who are able to keep themselves occupied.


NYCpigeon wrote :
We get to the email stage and I asked for his phone number. Well, he didn't send it. Instead, he wrote back that he owns a company in Connecticut, but lives in Manhattan on the weekends, so that's the only time we would see each other.

I probably would have provided my number if asked - though I prefer to meet without speeking on the phone at all (and I detest long, rambling "getting to know me" calls; these are good reason to give up on someone.)

Owning a company is a bad thing to put on an online dating profile: you'll get lots of e-mails, but from the wrong kind of women. Some people will think you're too busy, and others that you're bragging. I consider it fine to have kept this until open communication.

If his time is limited to weekends (as is mine, unless the match is very local), then it is correct that he anticipates not being able to meet during the week. (Logically, if the distance is too far to commute, then it is much too far to date - especially for a person with longer work hours.)


NYCpigeon wrote :
What do you think?

Overreaction.

Closing someone for limited availibility, the nature of their work or living arrangements, are all fine choices.

Assuming married is a leap.

Much of this is close to what I do, and I'm pretty sure I'm not married.
 
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heisenberg is offline heisenberg Post #10  July 31,2010, 10:58am
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This post seems a bit jaded...

There is not really enough information to state for sure this guy is married, much less to have reported him to eH as being so.

"When I told him he was married, he responded back in 5 minutes."
I would also promptly close out a match who accused me of being married. Being 'asked if I am married' and 'told that I am married' are different matters completely.

I am wary about giving out my my cell phone number to someone I have not personally met, as are others who have been online dating for awhile. This bit me in the past when someone pestered me on my phone just short of stalking, and eventually left me alone.

But if I am interested, I am quick to meet for a date, obviating the need for phone number exchanges too early in the getting to know each other stage.

So try to keep a more open mind about these things, and I concur with D_Lion that you may have overreacted a bit.
Last edited by heisenberg; July 31,2010 at 11:02am.
 
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