He did a Bait & Switch on his Location-MARRIED!


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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #21  July 31,2010, 11:57am
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Dropdeadredtx wrote :
There is indeed a fine line between paranoia and caution, but the truth is that there are folks out there who are not honest.

The quantification of risk involves two elements:

- The magnitude of each possible outcome.
- The probability of each outcome occuring.

The product of the above is the expected value.

In the case of the match being a cheater, the magnitude is the wasted money, wasted time, and emotional damage you suffer.

For me, although I would care a lot about wasting my money on an undeserving person, the reality is that I will still have enjoyed my food no matter the outcome (and forced her to pay for hers, or that would have been the gating item for the relationship duration.)

My time has no real value, since I do not have additional wage opportunity I could have obtained. I will suffer no emotional damage (and probably not have any real change in my view of women thereafter, which could be a cost too), so I would classify this as a very minor risk, even if the probability is high (and the data are that about 10% of people are unfaithful in any given year.)

I do not consider this risk a reason not to meet a match.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #22  July 31,2010, 11:57am
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D_Lion wrote
Granted, we are not aware of every word, but I do not see your posts supporting your conclusion (that would be like saying that since my neighbor has a Lexus, they must be drug dealers.)

***

For someone who has stated a lack of men (I think), I would suggest using more definitive screening.
_____________________________________________

Yes, but if he owned a Lexus, and also didn't seem to be employed, then that would start to look suspicous.

Well, I recently opened up my matching criteria and I'm getting a lot more communication.

My phone rule might as well be written in stone. I will not continue to communicate with someone who cannot/will not speak on the phone.

And if you had a daughter/mother/sister, you would tell her the same thing, I am sure.

And that's regardless of if that was the last match I would ever get.
Last edited by NYCpigeon; July 31,2010 at 12:08pm.
 
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ami1uwant is online now ami1uwant Post #23  July 31,2010, 11:58am
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NYCpigeon wrote :
Then I say to that person, "Don't expect to get a lot of dates. Giving your phone number comes with the territory." It's a legitimite and reasonable request.

There have been quite a few women I have met who didnt want to give out there phone number and just communicated via email and we set up a meeting at a restaurant.

You can find out alot on someone by just having their cel phone...especialy if that is there only phone line.

Him reponding in 5 minutes after you claiming he was married...that is a reaction on your part and I would close you for questioning me on that because once something like that is believed its impossible to convince them...even if they are false.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #24  July 31,2010, 12:05pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
There have been quite a few women I have met who didnt want to give out there phone number and just communicated via email and we set up a meeting at a restaurant.

You can find out alot on someone by just having their cel phone...especialy if that is there only phone line.

Him reponding in 5 minutes after you claiming he was married...that is a reaction on your part and I would close you for questioning me on that because once something like that is believed its impossible to convince them...even if they are false.
No you can't. It is illegal to give out information attached to a cell phone number.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #25  July 31,2010, 12:15pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
Such a situation is very conceivable...but actually in reverse.

There are many people who work in Manhattan during the week but spend weekends 100 miles or more away from new york. Same is true with other large cities that are expensive places to live like San Fran, Washington DC, and LA.

That alone of restricting seeing someone on the weekends or weekdays initially isnt a red flag.

It's also easy to believe as-is.

With many apartments rent-controlled, many people living in Manhattan have what amounts to a subsidy for living there.

This is also an intensely desirable place to live, for the people drawn to do so.

Also, having a vacation property, in and of itself, would not preclude the person meeting their match during the week, as this does not impose the same limitation as an employment / commute does (unless the person stays in a hotel during the work week.)

With that, I would expect to see the vacation home spoken of, if not in the profile, then certainly as the communication progressed.
 
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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #26  July 31,2010, 12:24pm
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From now on, I may apply such McCarthyism to some of the matches I want to nudge along or close anyway. I just tested it on one: asked if her lack of photos, "compartmentalization" of her complex schedule and slow responses ... because she is married! She said no and posted photos immediately!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #27  July 31,2010, 12:34pm
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NYCpigeon wrote :
No you can't. It is illegal to give out information attached to a cell phone number.
The legality is not related to whether the match themself have left the phone number in places which are often accessible to others, especially if they have any creativity, such as alumni directories or resumes posted online. There is no guarantee any specific match may be located in these types of ways, but it is not uncommon to be able to do so, either.

Again, though, I would share my mobile phone number if asked. (I tend to give out more than that, especially the better I like the match.)

Later this year I will have been 20 years with only a mobile number. Any woman who believed anything adverse due to having only a mobile number, would be wrong (probably something that happens often to her.)


ami1uwant wrote :
There have been quite a few women I have met who didnt want to give out there phone number and just communicated via email and we set up a meeting at a restaurant.
Agree, this is also my experience.

I am pleased when women meet quickly, as these are usually better women.


NYCpigeon wrote :
Yes, but if he owned a Lexus, and also didn't seem to be employed, then that would start to look suspicous.
Not really.

I would not give the person my bank account number, but then I would not do that to anyone, no matter who they were. I would not be afraid to bring a case of Beers to his barbecue, though. Meeting a match is a low-risk activity.


NYCpigeon wrote :
My phone rule might as well be written in stone. I will not continue to communicate with someone who cannot/will not speak on the phone.

And that's regardless of if that was the last match I would ever get.
If you are a worry-wort, you have not Kissed enough Frogs!

I meet none of the fears you have stated, yet you would dump me for a false conclusion.

I call you for taking a low-loss, less-probable-than-you-think risk, and allowing it to damage some potentially good opportunities. Personally, I prefer to pursue every potentially good opportunity until I am certain that my concern is valid (I get too few not to.)


NYCpigeon wrote :
And if you had a daughter/mother/sister, you would tell her the same thing, I am sure.
I do not validate paranoia, regardless of the source. If people can not look out for themselves, and think rationally, then it is not my problem to carry them as an extra burden on me.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #28  July 31,2010, 12:43pm
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And now for something completely different...

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NYCpigeon wrote :
No you can't. It is illegal to give out information attached to a cell phone number.
just as D_Lion said, the cell phone info usually is incidental to their other info, that you get. It's done all the time.
You can basically pay for any info you want to get..the more you pay...the more info you get, and I'm talking about all legal sources.
 
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NYCpigeon is offline NYCpigeon Post #29  July 31,2010, 12:44pm
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D_Lion wrote
If you are a worry-wort, you have not Kissed enough Frogs!


I cannot catch any. They are too slippery.
 
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Spider is offline Spider Post #30  July 31,2010, 1:07pm
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Hmm. When I was on EH:

I wasn't able to date/meet except on weekends (as a teacher, I have work to complete at night and rise early in the morning, so weeknight meetings are right out)

I dislike talking on the phone and prefer to email and then meet.

I have only the cell phone, no land line.


So I guess my matches should have closed me and reported me to EH as
married?

I know the OP may not have given us all the details, but based on what is in the post, there was a lot of assumption about the match. A lot of suspicion that had no demonstrable basis.
 
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