eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #71  August 1,2010, 5:25pm

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cal_dude wrote :
Oh, I see, thanks for explaining. Although I don't understand why ask income if it isn't used anywhere.

So we should report a match lying about anything? I had a match recently lying about her age, but was personally much less upset about her than about another one that said "a cat" in the profile and later (when we met) admitted to having 5.
I felt cheated out of my precious time in the 2nd case.
Hi Cal_dude -

I don't really know the official answer regarding why their is a place for income if it isn't listed... so I can't answer that one, sorry.

As for the 5-cat match: well, she did have "a" cat, she also has others. LOL.

Sorry, I do understand that you would feel that some deceit might have been involved. And you bet -- any concern you have could be reported. It's better to report than not, because the Match Concerns team keeps everything private and they will take any action that might be appropriate.

~Kate
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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #72  August 1,2010, 5:51pm
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate wrote :
As for the 5-cat match: well, she did have "a" cat, she also has others. LOL.
I know, it's a funny topic, yet let's see the level of deception: 1) the match with a 2 years age "correction" out of 33: a 6% difference (hard to get worked up about it); 2) 5 cats instead of 1: 500% difference (a significant one)
No need to reply - just a funny observation
Last edited by cal_dude; August 1,2010 at 5:54pm.
 
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Girly_girl is offline Girly_girl Post #73  August 1,2010, 6:08pm
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Thank you for clarification AndieIsMe. I am just making a generalization. Income to men and age to women is just 2 things that people tends to lie about. Of couse not all men lies about income and not all women lies about age. I am not refereing to the interface of eharmony, I am talking about online dating in general. Most of online dating site lists income and allow member to set search criteria on occupation and income.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #74  August 1,2010, 6:18pm
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kipty_29 wrote :
i was asking her, about her background... where she grew up and stuff...
she said: when she was 8 years old, back in 1984, she and her family moved to California.
so i did the math.... and that makes her 34, that is how i "discovered" her true age...

i need to ask her about our situation...
1st, i need to ask why she lied, or even if it was a typo?

2nd, i need to know if she wants to have kids right away...(because of the age thing) because like i said, i need a couple of years together before having kids...
Soooo... We have pages and pages of comments here about your match "lying," and it turns out that you don't in fact know if she even did lie? That you are are simply jumping to a conclusion?

Maybe she just isn't good at doing math in her head. Maybe the profile is correct and the error was in the email. Maybe she made a typo in one place or the other and didn't realize it.

Who knows.

The point is that you have created a good bit of drama for yourself without even bothering to ask her a simple and basic question that she would probably be happy to answer. (And by that, I don't mean asking her "Why did you lie to me about your age?" All that does is throw out a huge red flag about you to her...)

Why don't you just ask her to clarify her age and then make a decision at that point?
 
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hifi is offline hifi Post #75  August 1,2010, 6:27pm
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I dated a woman 9 yrs older than me; it... was... awesome. Just start mentioning how you like your wines "aged" and a little older vintage than your friends!

-hifidelity out!
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #76  August 1,2010, 7:30pm
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neardc wrote :
Soooo... We have pages and pages of comments here about your match "lying," and it turns out that you don't in fact know if she even did lie? That you are are simply jumping to a conclusion?
I would be curious to know what the OP's result is, when he asks her to clarify the year/age discrepancy.

While I do think that it is jumping to a conclusion based on that information alone, I also think that it is likely that she is aware that her statement in the e-mail contradicts her age in the profile, and this is her way of "casually" communicating that fact to him.

I don't think it's natural to write "when I was 8 years old, back in 1984, I moved to California," rather than "when I was 8 years old, I moved to California." Why would the year have any significance? If her profile age was correct, he could just figure it out for himself, if he cared.

My point is that I think she probably is 34, not 30. But it is too soon to say that she specifically lied (although that is the most likely explanation).
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #77  August 1,2010, 7:43pm
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FaintestInkling wrote :
While I do think that it is jumping to a conclusion based on that information alone, I also think that it is likely that she is aware that her statement in the e-mail contradicts her age in the profile, and this is her way of "casually" communicating that fact to him.
Yes; that is certainly possible. But, we also don't know exactly what she said or how her statement fit into the context of the larger conversation.

I would just much rather have more information about someone before condemning them.
 
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RoxyRedhead is offline RoxyRedhead Post #78  August 1,2010, 8:10pm

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I know why women lie about their age...it's to even be considered online.
Old broads like I am are instantly pigeonholed into the cranny of ageism without even a look.

I'm 67..I look maybe 57. The usual guess is 50. When I began with internet dating I lied about my age in the initial information then told the truth at the end of the profile.

I still got dates. Then I became more self assured..after all, I haden't dated for over 20 years and had no Idea what a woman of my age (55 at the time I began) would do.

As things progressed, I changed my age and decided that I wanted the guys who would be blown away by a 67 year old who looked 50 and acted even younger and I'm right.

It's sad, that a number can delegate some of us to the back row now. Women are younger looking and acting when in their 60s than their moms were in their 40s these days.

Now a guy gets what I am or he doesn't -no skin off my nose if he doesn't. I want to be appreciated for who I am NOW.

So last week I had a first meet with a man who was 52..he said he hadn't considered a woman my age but he wanted to meet. Well...he shut me down. For being too tall. Not to old, but too tall.

Sometimes ya can't win.
 
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FaintestInkling is offline FaintestInkling Post #79  August 1,2010, 8:40pm
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neardc wrote :

I would just much rather have more information about someone before condemning them.
Yeah.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #80  August 1,2010, 10:00pm

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TheThinker wrote :
If the guys coming into your profile are looking for women 5 years younger than they actually are...
how does this analogy mean you will have more success if you simply lie about your age and not just adjust your dating preferences?
They're still looking at you, aren't they?
I'm not getting it.

Again though, this goes back to the question: if someone is looking for something that you obviously aren't...what good does lying do?...
this would be akin to someone saying: I only date those with a masters degree, and you know you have a B.A or similar...so you say you have a masters, in your profile
These are things that cannot be fudged.
well, since i prefer to not date older than myself, and all the 35 year old guys have their preferences set to 30 then that puts me back in their dating pool.

i think it's different than lying about height or income or education- age is mostly just a number. if i look good enough to pass for 30 ( i do) and i tend to have more compatibility with younger men, then it works.
 
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