Using eHarmony: Answering the 'Passionate' Question


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melman is offline melman Post #1  July 30,2010, 7:16pm
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In profile reviews I write on this very topic as much as anyone, and a lot of this advice goes contrary to many things I like to see.

Don't write about dreams - write about actual tangible things that you do. Your matches want to hear about your life as it is - writing about desires or (much worse) apologizing for your life, is very unappealing.

No "mission statements" or "life purposes". These strike me as artificial every time I see one. They are usually overwritten and wordsmithed to the nth degree. Fine for a college application essay, very bad for e-dating. I should be able to imagine you sitting in front of me, telling me about your passion with conversational language and real interest.

The easiest way to answer this, is to imagine that your best friend was trying to convince someone to ask you out. What one or two things would he/she be sure to emphasize about you?

Some people are reluctant to talk about their job as their passion. Don't be afraid to, if that's the case.

And Kate completely missed another common problem - that of reading the question. Some people give a laundry list of activities and unrelated topics, none explained at all. That's not what the question says. Pick one (two if you have to) topics, and explain it (them) with interesting language.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the article, it's kinda verbose. But the main points are pretty simple.

1. What are you truly known for?
2. One or two things.
3. Interesting and conversational language.
 
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Lookingandlooking is offline Lookingandlooking Post #2  July 30,2010, 7:52pm
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And, try to be excited about it! Someone posted in their profile for review that he "SUPPOSED" he was passionate about blah blah blah.

You suppose? Or are you passionate?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is online now Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  July 31,2010, 5:44pm
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This was a good article going through the component parts of, first determining what your passion is and then how to put words to your passion and explain it.
 
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annother is offline annother Post #4  July 31,2010, 8:38pm
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I agree that this is a good article because it leads the reader to become more objective about specifics.

I don't agree, though, that what one is known for identifies one's passions. A person can be passionate about contributions to a particular charity, but not be know for it. It may be entirely private. That doesn't make it any less a passion. Similarly, one may be passionate about oil painting but not be very good at it. Thus, not known for it.
 
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frogprince is offline frogprince Post #5  July 31,2010, 10:14pm
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i would say 90% of the matches i get say they are passionate about life. And 90% say they are lookin for honesty and loyalty in their ideal match.

Ok so that means to me that you were cheated on because all you did was sit around and watch reality tv all day and night because you aren't passionate about anything
 
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melman is offline melman Post #6  July 31,2010, 10:19pm
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annother wrote :
I don't agree, though, that what one is known for identifies one's passions. A person can be passionate about contributions to a particular charity, but not be know for it. It may be entirely private. That doesn't make it any less a passion. Similarly, one may be passionate about oil painting but not be very good at it. Thus, not known for it.
Your friends know what you're passionate about. They know where you spend your time and energy. That's what the question asks for.

If you have a passion that is totally private (like contributing to a charity), you probably don't want it in your eH profile for strangers to see.
 
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elmenope is offline elmenope Post #7  August 1,2010, 6:53am
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This is the section that usually makes or breaks a match for me. It really bugs me when someone can't read directions to list ONE thing they are passionate about. I will even accept 2 subjects but when a guy lists 5 or more of the ordinary things the general population likes (ex. I like to watch TV, go to the movies, read, workout, spend time with my significant other, go out to dinner, go to the beach...), it doesn't tell me anything other than he is like any other average person.

Don't even get me started on the matches that use i instead of I and poor, basic grammar. I will close a match if it looks like their education ended in the 5th grade.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  August 1,2010, 4:48pm

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melman wrote :
In profile reviews I write on this very topic as much as anyone, and a lot of this advice goes contrary to many things I like to see.

Don't write about dreams - write about actual tangible things that you do. Your matches want to hear about your life as it is - writing about desires or (much worse) apologizing for your life, is very unappealing.

No "mission statements" or "life purposes". These strike me as artificial every time I see one. They are usually overwritten and wordsmithed to the nth degree. Fine for a college application essay, very bad for e-dating. I should be able to imagine you sitting in front of me, telling me about your passion with conversational language and real interest.

The easiest way to answer this, is to imagine that your best friend was trying to convince someone to ask you out. What one or two things would he/she be sure to emphasize about you?

Some people are reluctant to talk about their job as their passion. Don't be afraid to, if that's the case.

And Kate completely missed another common problem - that of reading the question. Some people give a laundry list of activities and unrelated topics, none explained at all. That's not what the question says. Pick one (two if you have to) topics, and explain it (them) with interesting language.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding the article, it's kinda verbose. But the main points are pretty simple.

1. What are you truly known for?
2. One or two things.
3. Interesting and conversational language.
Thanks for your replies thus far, everyone!

Thanks, Melman, for your comprehensive, prompt response. You must be passionate about this question (sorry).

I appreciate your opinion – I think it's savvy to be aware of things that indicate a genuine response and not be swayed by platitudes.

I think that since the emphasis of eHarmony is to find a long term partner, it’s not unreasonable to share what your goals and dreams are. I would say that this especially makes sense for those who have goals which take an investment of time and money, and they are still working toward it. For example, some people may be working to earn enough money to put themselves through school, or to buy a home because they hope to start a family. People have different approaches and different thoughts on this. It’s a question which also allows you to share what your values are.

And sure – apologizing is unnecessary and unhelpful. Being concise and conversational will make your profile more readable.

Good point about not creating a laundry list of any kind -- it's not as effective as writing complete sentences. Lists are not as easy to read – matches may gloss over this information. I would also agree that it’s more effective to save mentioning activities for the section about “leisure time”.

One of my main objectives in writing this article is just to help people tap into what really does make them come alive, and secondarily how to communicate it to their "target audience".

Therefore, I would disagree that it's "what you're known for." What your known for could very well be something you are moving away from.

I think it's really not what others perceive about you, but what thrills you. Of course, those things might be the same. In the best-case scenario, they probably would be.

All the best,

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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liquid_steel is offline liquid_steel Post #9  August 2,2010, 12:15pm

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It's possible that the question needs revision, since it is largely ignored especially by male matches.
Curious as to why, I ask my peers and associates and their answers are telling. "Men rarely use the word unless refering to sex," says one fellow. Hummmm.... Another replies, "The word's meaningless because it's slung around, kinda like the word 'Love' such as "I love caramel, or I love my new iPod.'" However, one highly rational friend of mine offers yet another perspective, "The question seems like a catch-22; if I answer, I don't feel sincere because I'm skeptical of uncontrolled emotions [such as passion] yet if I don't answer it, my matches just see a big blank box to start in my profile." Yet another answer adds comedic relief to the question: "Huh? Oh. The 'passionate' question. Geeze, after answering so many questions in the questionaire, I'm burnt out on questions and just want to get the @$#%$ profile going -- so I just put my favorite things in there." To this, I howl with laughter. I've heard other comment, "I don't tell me deepest passions to acquaintences; why would I share that kind of personal information to a complete stranger?" Well, that's a valid point.
When asking a guy friend for an alternative to the word 'passionate', his reply is worth noting. He says (half perterbed), "Why the pretentious word 'passion'? Who uses that kind of language everyday anymore? Why not just ask, 'What interests you most and why?'"
Well, I can see how that question would seem less pretentious and not put fellows in a catch-22.
Either way, if the question's not working, change it. Eharmony does a great job in keeping the site fresh with new features. It may be time to re-consider the questions that are no longer successful.
So, fellows, would you prefer to see the question: "What interests you most and why?"
 
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DearJohn is offline DearJohn Post #10  August 4,2010, 5:50am
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liquid_steel wrote :
...an alternative to the word 'passionate'....
Enthusiastic.

Passionate implies emotions, and that a person is is motivated primarily by emotions. Men in general, and intellectual men in particular, aren't motivated by emotions. The question is 'girl language', which explains why in your experiences most men don't speak to it -- because it doesn't speak to them.

Enthusiasm, on the other hand, is a motivating spirit, not emotion. It can come from intellectual interests and curiosities, spiritual beliefs, or practical concerns -- as well as emotions. It's a much more inclusive and male-friendly approach.
Last edited by DearJohn; August 4,2010 at 6:31am.
 
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