They Started Communication, So Why Do I have to ask first questions?


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bettinawindbloom is offline bettinawindbloom Post #1  July 15,2010, 9:08am
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This is one of my eH pet peeves.

If a man starts GC with me, when it comes to OC I have to be the one to ask the first questions. It seems to me if he was interested in me, the system should be set up so he asks the first open questions, not me.

Anyone annoyed by this?
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  July 15,2010, 9:16am

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Hi Bettinawindbloom –

Of course I can’t use the service, so I can’t really comment as a regular member. I’m sure other people will be happy to give their opinion.

I was just thinking, though, that if you feel uncomfortable starting the eHarmony Mail stage, you could just say a little something to acknowledge that you’re looking forward to getting to know the match, and maybe one more open-ended question (if you feel comfortable). Or maybe even ask if there’s anything he’d like to know.

Otherwise, I’m just acknowledging your feedback and passing it along.

All the best,

~Kate
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bettinawindbloom is offline bettinawindbloom Post #3  July 15,2010, 9:19am
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Thanks, I meant that I have to ask the first open ended questions. I just think they should do that.

Thanks for passing the feedback along.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  July 15,2010, 9:55am

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Oh, thanks for clarifying Bettinawindbloom –

I was confused, because I did think that the eHarmony Mail was started by the communication initiator. Now it makes sense!

Actually, I think they changed this because there had been a lot of feedback that people didn’t want to start (what was then) “Open Communication” when they didn’t initiate. Because of the “volley” way that the Guided Communication process is set up, at this point it’s either the non-initiator starts Open Ended Questions or eHarmony Mail.

Either way, I’ll submit your feedback. I don’t know if there’s a way to work it out that both of these stages would be started by the initiator.

~Kate
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #5  July 15,2010, 11:32am
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I was about to say, this isn't true.

Whoever initiates communication, is also the one that has to write the first email.

But I see you are asking about the first open ended questions, ie Stage 3.

I assumed that EHarmony did the Stages so that you swap who goes first on each Stage.
This makes it so that each side has to take a bit of leadership and evens out things a bit. ie, it shows that both sides are interested.

It just happens that at Stage 3, the order is that the non-initiator has to respond first.

Which I think is good, because I personally think Stage 4 (email) should end up as having the person who started communication.

Would you prefer to have to be the one to write the first email when your Match was the one that communicated initially?
My guess is that you would even feel more awkward having to do that first email?
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #6  July 15,2010, 11:58am
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OC = Open Communication, not Stage 3. Once OC is reached, I don't think there is any more 'taking turns'. I think anybody can go first. (It's been over a year since I was subscribed so maybe I'm wrong again).

If I'm wrong, then, OP, if you're uncomfortable with that, be the first to initiate Stage 1 communication so the other person picks up where you have the jitters.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #7  July 15,2010, 12:02pm
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tweet37 wrote :
Once OC is reached, I don't think there is any more 'taking turns'. I think anybody can go first. (It's been over a year since I was subscribed so maybe I'm wrong again).
True, except with 1 caveat.
The 1st email in OC still has to follow taking turns.
Once each person has sent 1 email, then either side can send emails at at any time.
 
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