Men like to pursue, right? So why make the first move?


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Truffles2 is offline Truffles2 Post #1  July 11,2010, 7:15pm
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Nearly everything I have read regarding dating states that MEN prefer to be the pursuer. (Mars Venus and all that) In my experience the men who have sought me out were the most sincere and enthusiastic about dating. The ones I initiated contact with weren't quite as ardent.

So I don't feel comfortable being the first one to make the move, ice-breaker wise. I'm sure there are exceptions, but my gut tells me to wait for Mr. Wonderful to find me.

Am I being silly?
 
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samanthao is offline samanthao Post #2  July 11,2010, 7:29pm
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I don't think you're silly. I never make the first move.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #3  July 11,2010, 7:38pm
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You're both silly. You're paying for a product but not using it to its full capability.

Put down the dating books and read the advice here for a while.
 
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Irishlass68 is offline Irishlass68 Post #4  July 11,2010, 7:38pm
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I agree wholeheartedly. In my experience it doesn't tend to go well when the woman makes the first move.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #5  July 11,2010, 7:44pm
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Shamelessly stolen from another thread:

TrekRyder10 wrote :
You're paying for a service, you wouldn't join a gym and wait for the treadmill to swing by your house every morning to pick you up, would you?
 
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samanthao is offline samanthao Post #6  July 11,2010, 7:48pm
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I see it as a personality trait- I like guys who go after what they want.
 
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morningsunlight is offline morningsunlight Post #7  July 11,2010, 7:49pm
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Truffles2 wrote :
Nearly everything I have read regarding dating states that MEN prefer to be the pursuer. (Mars Venus and all that) In my experience the men who have sought me out were the most sincere and enthusiastic about dating. The ones I initiated contact with weren't quite as ardent.

So I don't feel comfortable being the first one to make the move, ice-breaker wise. I'm sure there are exceptions, but my gut tells me to wait for Mr. Wonderful to find me.

Am I being silly?
It could be a matter of the level of interest.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #8  July 11,2010, 7:54pm
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I used to make the first move much more often than I do now. I find the success rate is much higher when the guy makes first contact.

I will find ways to let him know I'm interested (viewing profile, adding to "favorites" list... depending on the site), but it is rare when I will attempt first contact these days.

Right now I've had a great first date with one guy and am communicating with three others who appear headed toward asking for a date (none from eHarmony, by the way) who all made the first contact.

The only time I make first contact these days is on an eHarmony FCW... only because I have just a handful of matches there each time and a limited time frame to make contact. Even then, it turns out better if he has sent the first questions before I do.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #9  July 11,2010, 7:58pm
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Think about this...

Your profile might not be interesting enough for them to initiate communication. But, since it doesn't have any red flags and you're cute, etc, they don't close it immediately. When they meet you in person, they become interested.

I can see waiting a few days to give the guy the opportunity to initiate things. But, after that, if you don't initiate, all you're accomplishing is possibly missing an opportunity.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #10  July 12,2010, 1:03am
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Just because the guy hasn't contacted you first doesn't mean he isn't interested.

He could have a busy schedule, and maybe only have time to review 2-3 matches per day, and you're the 8th one in the list order.

It could be his is in contact with 2-3 matches already, and simply doesn't initiate yet in order to keep his matches straight.

If you are paying for eHarmony, then take advantage of their services. I can't sympathize with a woman who doesn't take any initiation herself. If you see a guy you think has potential, then you have to do something to make yourself stick out. Trust me, the "eHarmony communication received" email will get a guy's attention.

I made contact with many women over eHarmony, getting to OC and meeting some of them, but not many of them are particularly memorable. However, the ones that initiated with me ALL stick out in my mind.

Plus, think of it this way: If a guy continues to pursue you, even if you initiated, he's still going after what he wants. You may have shown him that you are what he wants. (Incidentally, a woman going after what she wants is equally as sexy to most men).

Remember: finding that special someone is like finding a job. In fact, it should be treated even MORE importantly.
 
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