When someone lists who they will and will not date on their profile


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sony12 is offline sony12 Post #1  June 28,2010, 4:27pm
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When someone lists who they will or will not date on their profile do you see that as a red flag or as a sign of confidence (in that they know what they want).

I have matches who put that in ever once in awhile. And I am turned off by it when I see it. It indicates to me that they are someone who is probably pretty set in their ways.
 
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yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #2  June 28,2010, 4:31pm
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I don't see a need to write something like: "Liars need not apply" or, "I hate players" or "No fat people please". It definatly IS arrogant, because if you don't want to date that person, you just close them. The purpose of a profile is to say who you are and who you DO want, not who you DON'T want.

Totally agree with you.
 
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jov27 is offline jov27 Post #3  June 28,2010, 4:39pm
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Turns me off the same way. And as I think you were implying: even if I don't have the things they don't want.

It seems to me that online dating at its worst reveals people who are shopping for someone like in a catalog, comparing like a consumer reports list of valued attributes. This is not how people become friends, and if you can't become friends with someone you surely can't be in a good romantic relationship which takes more intimacy. Announcing all the 'do not apply' rules up front reveals an attitude of treating people like possessions, I think. One doesn't see other people empathically. And in eharmony where you already have the list of 'can't stands' anyway, it's a real turn off. In another site, listing 'no smoking' or 'must be practicing (religion),' or no drugs, I get. But more than that, no.
 
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2clueless is offline 2clueless Post #4  June 28,2010, 4:43pm
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No drama! No pictures, no response! No players please! No baggage! No flirts.

I dislike those no statements because they can be a sign of jadedness and process weariness. Yes, there is a lot to be jaded about in online dating and it can be a grueling process. But I wouldn't pick up my phone and bark in there "no telemarketers" before saying good afternoon or tell my students "no plagiarizing" before handing them the writing assignment. A positive attitude can go a long way and those statements are usually not enough to filter people anyhow. It's a waste of space that can be used to say something positive.
 
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PY_2 is offline PY_2 Post #5  June 28,2010, 4:45pm

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Good question. Majority (maybe all) of the time when I see the 'I dont want to date A, B, C' it was done in bad form.....so I see it as they're cranky and frustrated (I aint gonna be a part of that) or they're demanding if they list too much from the beginning...plus, some women think it's cute to say "I've kissed lots of frogs (lol) now looking for prince" Hey...if I say "I've play fetch with lots of *female dogs* before....now where's my beautiful swan?" I wonder how many responds I'll get? (except hate mail). So..I will also avoid those types of profile titles also.
 
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yeahitsme is offline yeahitsme Post #6  June 28,2010, 4:47pm
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And who are they to be so darn picky? If they were such a catch themselves, why would they still be single Maybe if they weren't so demanding...

Its like saying "I have so many suitors that I couldn't possibly reject you all individually. Let me send out a mass announcement, so that I limit the number of peope who contact me."
Last edited by yeahitsme; June 28,2010 at 4:48pm. Reason: Hit send before I finished typing. Whoops.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  June 28,2010, 5:37pm
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Great posts by yeahitsme.

I generally close any demanding profiles (even when I have what she's looking for.)
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  June 28,2010, 6:02pm
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It depends what it is. Some things that are true dealbreakers I'm fine with seeing in the profile ... saves time for both of us.

E.g. "I'm a devout practicing Catholic and am looking for same". I would think this will get a response from devout practicing Catholics, and not from others, which is useful!

But things like "Liars stay away" etc. just indicate some paucity of soul. lol.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  June 28,2010, 6:20pm
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What the list of criteria is does matter. I ran across a match that listed (in a pleasant manner) that, even though he was in his late 30's, he wanted to meet someone that didn't already have children because he wanted to experience that as a first for both of them.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #10  June 28,2010, 6:40pm
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I list several specific "dealbreaker" kind of men/characteristics in my profile in a lighthearted/humorous way, and I've gotten lots of positive comments on it from the guys who *do* meet my criteria.

If those who don't make the cut are offended, well we weren't compatible in the first place.

Just trying to save us both the time and effort....
 
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