Another profile review please


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Irishlass68 is offline Irishlass68 Post #1  June 26,2010, 4:21pm
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I joined e
harmony in March. Since then I have had limited communications with the matches I've been sent. I have even tried initiating communication with no response. Some of my matches closed me without even communicating with me at all. I did do a profile review before and followed some of the advice I was given,.
I don't know what else to change. Please be nice about it too. I'm not here for a bashing.
Basic Information

Occupation:Behavioral Health Age:42Height:5' 6"Wants Kids:MaybeKids at Home:Yes
Ethnicity:White, non-HispanicReligion:Christian Drinks:About once a weekSmokes:Many times a day


In my own words

The most influential person in Ryan's life has been:

My older brother. He has such an easygoing attitude about life. He is accepting of most people. He is hilariously funny and very smart. He's always been one of my biggest cheerleaders.


The three things which Ryan is most thankful for:
  • My son. He adds so much joy to my life that I can't even describe
  • My friends. I will always make time for my friends regardless of what else I have going on in my life.
  • My family. They have helped me through some very difficult times in my life and they have always had faith in me.
Three of Ryan's best life-skills are:
  • Using humor to make friends laugh
  • Raising and/or caring for children
  • Finding new adventures and unique experiences

The one thing Ryan wishes MORE people would notice about her is:

my intelligence. I am a big trivia buff. Somehow certain things seem to stick in my mind and I don't know how.


The things Ryan can't live without are:
  • my cell phone
  • my computer
  • my car
  • coffee
  • chocolate

The first thing people notice about Ryan is:

My sense of humor. I can be a wisecracker myself and can see the humor in many day to day situations...plus I snort and my eyes water when I laugh hard enough and well...people do seem to notice that about me.


Some additional information Ryan wanted you to know is:

I can always make time for the people in my life that matter.


My interests

Ryan typically spends her leisure time:

I like going to movies, going for walks, doing "kid" like going to the zoo, the park or rollerskating. Some of that is partially because I'm a big kid myself. I love music and with that I like, dancing, seeing live bands and going to to concerts. I also enjoy going out to eat. I'm always up for trying new things.

The last book Ryan read and enjoyed:

I can't pick just one


According to my friends:

Ryan's friends describe her as:
  • Funny
  • Dependable
  • Caring
  • Loyal


harmony in March. Since then I have had limited communications with the matches I've been sent. I have even tried initiating communication with no response. Some of my matches closed me without even communicating with me at all. I did do a profile review before and followed some of the advice I was given,.
I don't know what else to change. Please be nice about it too. I'm not here for a bashing.
 
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bettinawindbloom is offline bettinawindbloom Post #2  June 26,2010, 5:26pm
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Quit smoking.
wrote :
my intelligence. I am a big trivia buff. Somehow certain things seem to stick in my mind and I don't know how.
Something about this seemed off.Maybe leave out the intelligence part, since having trivia stick in your mind isn't the same as being intelligent (which you could be as well). "My intelligence" sounds stuck up, where the trivia could be played up in a fun way "Ask me who the _____ of _______ was in the year _________."

And I will often close matches who seem to focus too heavily on their kids and how much they love them. Maybe add something in about how you have space in your life for an adult partner and want to make that a priority in your life.

Also, for the book - pick one or just leave it blank.

And quit smoking.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  June 26,2010, 6:38pm
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Irishlass68 wrote :
Smokes:Many times a day
I would close for having children, and for smoking.

You can't do anything about the children, but I think only around 20% of US adults smoke anymore (and probably less for educated persons), I do think this is limiting your partners.


Irishlass68 wrote :
The most influential person in Ryan's life has been:

My older brother. He has such an easygoing attitude about life. He is accepting of most people. He is hilariously funny and very smart. He's always been one of my biggest cheerleaders.
How about telling us why? Something that, due to the influence of this person, makes you a better partner?

Or, tell your matches a story that they can picture themself in, in a favorable way?


Irishlass68 wrote :
The three things which Ryan is most thankful for:
  • My son. He adds so much joy to my life that I can't even describe
  • My friends. I will always make time for my friends regardless of what else I have going on in my life.
  • My family. They have helped me through some very difficult times in my life and they have always had faith in me.
Generic to me. I like to see something here which reflects personal acheivement (humor or "why" statements are good too.)


Irishlass68 wrote :
The one thing Ryan wishes MORE people would notice about her is:

my intelligence. I am a big trivia buff. Somehow certain things seem to stick in my mind and I don't know how.
This needs help. I would want to see more evidence to go with "intelligence." (In my experience, when a woman listed "intelligent," she wasn't. This needs to be displayed (and if it's displayed, it doesn't need to be claimed.)

This is important, to me.


Irishlass68 wrote :
The first thing people notice about Ryan is:

My sense of humor. I can be a wisecracker myself and can see the humor in many day to day situations...plus I snort and my eyes water when I laugh hard enough and well...people do seem to notice that about me.
Then why is nothing in your profile funny?

Same as above: display some or don't claim it.


Irishlass68 wrote :
Some additional information Ryan wanted you to know is:

I can always make time for the people in my life that matter.
How about one or more examples, or a story (again, so that your match pictures himself in your life, favorably.)


Irishlass68 wrote :
Ryan typically spends her leisure time:

I like going to movies, going for walks, doing "kid" like going to the zoo, the park or rollerskating. Some of that is partially because I'm a big kid myself. I love music and with that I like, dancing, seeing live bands and going to to concerts. I also enjoy going out to eat. I'm always up for trying new things.
Generic again. How about adding some detail so some idea of how much time is spent on some of these?

I would also like some more specific information for things like "going out to eat," as that can mean a lot of different ideas.


Irishlass68 wrote :
The last book Ryan read and enjoyed:

I can't pick just one
Why not? It isn't hard - pick up the last book you read, and type the title into the answer space.

Then, tell us why or relate again a story or something about yourself. (Note, do not laud the author - this is a profile for you.
 
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hw1dr is offline hw1dr Post #4  June 26,2010, 7:12pm
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Relax. Be yourself. Let your style and "voice" come through on the answers. Be honest...and if you're funny let it show. Most of all don't get uptight over what others will think. You are who you are...and persons looking at your profile need to sense who you are. If they don't get it, you don't want to date them anyway.

My opinion.
 
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Irishlass68 is offline Irishlass68 Post #5  June 26,2010, 7:39pm
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Some of these things can be changed.
However I have some concerns. How do I address the fact that I have a child? I can't exactly sweep that under the carpet. How much do I need to downplay it?
I do say that I can make time in my life for the people in my life that really matter..do I need to provide a breakdown of my entire schedule, outlining when my son goes to his dads?
As for the humor. I have a sarcastic wisecracking sense of humor. Often this doesn't translate well in writing and I don't want to offend anyone. When people meet me in person it really is the first thing they notice because I make funny comments and act like a total goofball. Again, not sure how to put that into words.
I really would like to know what makes my interests and activities so generic. I can't pinpoint when and how much time is spent on each activity because I do the stuff when the opportunity arises. I'm not going to sit here and lie or embellish just to get a date.
Sorry about the smoking. If and when I decide to quit its going to be for me, and if thats a reason not to date me, so be it...ever see how many people who are married and or dating smoke??? They got together somehow.
 
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Cattleman is offline Cattleman Post #6  June 26,2010, 7:56pm
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Your profile gives me the impression that you are very family oriented. If this scares away the guys who aren't prepared to meet a woman who is a mother with children, then hopefully it filters out the ones who would have difficulty "fitting in" with your life down the track. That said, if you come across as "wanted- father for my children", rather than "seeking a partner", it triggers flight reflexes in the male brain. Paint a picture of you with children, not standing behind them. One well crafted sentence would be much better than hammering the point with multiple references.

I agree with an earlier post, intelligence is not the same thing as memory (trivia skills). It comes across badly. Perhaps highlight a personality trait, and leave them wanting to know more....

Please lose the reference to "snorting and eyes watering". When someone reads this cold (no context or atmosphere), lets just say it is more alarming than charming.

Re the smoking and all the other "change who you are" advice, I'd say forget it. Guys resent being treated as a "project" to be worked on and changed, so should you.

Don't worry about the number of non-responsive matches, In the short time I've been on this site I have discovered there are a lot of strap hangers who are just browsing. Are you sending icebreakers or jumping ahead? Getting "about me" out of the blue could come across as being a bit pushy.
Good luck. Remember, anything worth having is worth waiting for.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #7  June 26,2010, 8:01pm
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You left out the "passion" and "most importanat quality" questions. You know these are the most important.

"My intelligence" takes an otherwise interesting answer, and makes it sound stuck up.

Pick a book. Any book. Don't cop out. Answer the question, willya?

And yes, no matter how great your profile and pictures were, I would close a heavy smoker right away. Although my preferences are set so that we would not be matched at all.
 
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kimbirdy is offline kimbirdy Post #8  June 26,2010, 8:12pm
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I wouldn't fret so much about the smoking thing -- you won't get matched with people who've put that in their settings.

I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to use your wisecracking humor in your profile -- people who enjoy that kind of thing will respond to it and those that don't get it aren't people you want to be matched up with anyway.

If there's one thing that seems to be shouted from the rooftops here is that you can't say it, you have to show it. So instead of saying you're a trivia buff, maybe explain what piece you always choose for Trivial Pursuit or that you look forward to meeting Alex Trebek one day.

I think one thing that helped me was to work on my profile when I was in an upbeat mood -- I think I conveyed my personality much better and the words seemed to flow.
 
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bettinawindbloom is offline bettinawindbloom Post #9  June 27,2010, 4:59am
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The way I've seen guys phrase things when they have kids that make me pursue things further is:

1. telling the age of the kid - having a 2 year old is a lot different on your dating life than having a 12 year old;

2. putting something in your profile like - "my son has been bugging me to get out and meet someone," it depends on the age of the kid but makes me feel like the whole family is open to the parent dating, and that I'm not walking into something tense.

3. saying something like - "my daughter lives me with me part time and her dad part time" or "my daughter lives with me full time but loves to stay at Nana and Grampy's on the weekend" - to make it clear that you have time for a dating relationship.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  June 27,2010, 5:12am
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kimbirdy wrote :
I wouldn't fret so much about the smoking thing -- you won't get matched with people who've put that in their settings.
I imagine that many guys will leave their settings on personal habits (such as smoking) open and flexible, just to see what matches they get. Even though "Smokes many times a day" would be a deal-breaker for them, and they would close any such matches right away. Just guessing.
 
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