hummingbird_in_the_jungle is offline hummingbird_in_the_jungle Post #1  June 10,2010, 7:10am
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Hi all,

I'm a going on my second round with eHarmony. At the beginning of the year, I tried eH and found a great match--I honestly thought he might be "the one" for me. Unfortunately, after about 3 months, he decided that his current goals in life didn't match with mine and he broke up with me. I know I still have feelings for him, but seeing as we haven't had a decent conversation or even seen each other since the breakup, I know I need to move on.

So, I went back on eH, thinking that if I had good luck with it the first time, it might work out again. Thus far, I haven't had much luck at all. Only one guy has initiated communication with me (and I think he might have been a scammer) and the guys I have initiated contact with seem to have gotten cold feet or something. I don't know if my profile sucks or what, but I'm about ready to give up on eH (although I still have a couple months left of the subscription, so I'm also telling myself I should continue to give it a shot).

Anyway, here is what's on my profile. Your feedback would be much appreciated!

The one thing H is most passionate about:
There are really a lot of things I am passionate about. I love making my own art and experiencing the art of others, including theatre, films, music, and visual art. I really enjoy cooking and trying new dishes, but I eat fairly healthy foods and try to take care of myself physically. I'm also very interested in cultural anthropology and ethnology. In turn, I love to travel and experience new places. Last, but not least, my family and friends are very important to me; if someone ever needed anything, I would be there in an instant.

The most important thing H is looking for in a person is:
I would like to meet someone who has a great personality and is fun to be around. I love to laugh, share stories and experiences, and express myself creatively (through arts, crafts, writing, etc.), so I am looking for someone who I can share at least a few of these interests with.

Basic Information
Occupation: Graduate Student, Graphic Designer and Illustrator
Age: 26
Height: 5' 6"
Wants Kids: Yes
Kids at Home: No
Ethnicity: African-American
Religion: Christian
Drinks: About once a week
Smokes: Never

The most influential person in H's life has been:
I would have to say my brother. He possesses a lot of great traits: quick-witted, very generous and caring, and able to see all sides of a situation. He has become one of my closest friends and I'm so glad to have a brother like him.

The three things which H is most thankful for:
  • My life and the blessings and gifts I have received.
  • The people in my life: family, friends, coworkers, and classmates
  • The earth and all the amazing people and living things within it.
Three of H's best life-skills are:
  • Making art and culture an ongoing part of my life
  • Achieving personal goals
  • Continuing to expand my knowledge and awareness

The one thing H wishes MORE people would notice about her is:
That I love jokes and sarcasm. And I actually talk a lot once I get to know someone.

The things H can't live without are:
  • My family
  • Sketchbook/journal + a pen
  • Cereal and soy milk
  • My iPod or at least a radio (with an NPR station)
  • Lip balm
The first thing people notice about H is:
That I am initially shy.

Some additional information H wanted you to know is:
As a graduate student who works part time, I have a pretty busy schedule during the school year, but I definitely make time to be with my significant other. I am at a point in my life where I am ready to meet someone who I can build a lasting relationship with and I'm willing to take time to make a great connection.

H typically spends her leisure time:
When I need a break from classes, I tend to watch TV or movies, listen to the radio/music, workout, work on craft projects, or go for a walk around the city. If I have more leisure time, I enjoy going to see indie films, window-shopping at unique local shops, and checking out art shows and cultural festivals, especially with friends.

The last book H read and enjoyed:
Right now, I'm reading a book called Mudbound by Hillary Jordan. It's about two families--one white, one black--in the rural South who are each dealing with family members coming back from battle in WWII. I love reading stories about cultural differences: how people deal with them and [hopefully] overcome them.

H's friends describe her as:
• Creative
• Quiet
• Thoughtful
• Hard Working


Thank you for your help!

Sincerely,

hummingbird_in_the_jungle
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  June 10,2010, 8:00am

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Hi Hummingbird_in_the_jungle,

Welcome to eHarmony and eHarmony Advice!

Honestly, I personally think you have a very vivacious and inviting profile here. It was engaging, interesting, colorful and fun to read. There may be a few places you could tweak, but I don’t think you’ve got universal “deal-breakers” listed or that you lack information that would grab the right matches’ attention.

A few ideas you *might* consider tweaking:

I think it’s helpful to say you like jokes and sarcasm. If you are more on the “I like to hear them” rather than “I like to dish them out”, I think this is fine. But since you said that you open up later, you may want to include a fun note about how they can expect you to make come-backs once you get warmed up. (Include a sample of your humor so you can make the guys laugh and “hook” them).

Even though the one question asks “what’s the *first* thing people notice, you may want to complete “That at first I’m initially shy” with a “but then…” to give your matches an idea of how you are when you feel comfortable and open up.

Those are the only feedback comments I have. But I do want to add a few ideas to consider – I don’t know if you have photos, but it may help to make sure you have a good variety of photos. Since you feel shy, make sure the photos are a little “brave” (for example, try to include shots where your body language is open rather than closed).

Otherwise, Hummingbird_in_the_jungle – as a word of encouragement (I hope), sometimes the most intriguing profiles do get fewer responses. I’ve seen that before. The only thing I can think of that might be the reason for this is that if you are more specific on your profile, you might draw a more select “audience”. There’s nothing wrong with that, especially since you are clear that you are looking for “the One”. It looks like you are doing the right things to attract quality, not quantity.

Good luck!

~Kate
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hummingbird_in_the_jungle is offline hummingbird_in_the_jungle Post #3  June 10,2010, 11:54am
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Hi Kate,

Thanks for the feedback. It's encouraging that my profile is already decent. I'll make the tweaks you suggested and also add some different photos. Hopefully I'll start to have better luck!

H.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  June 10,2010, 1:24pm
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Hi Hummingbird! It's an interesting and engaging profile, and gives a lot of things for a match to respond to. I agree with the 2 things Kate said.

It sounds like you hit the EH jackpot the first time around, and now you're having a more normal experience ... don't let that make you give up. Most people who post here (and my own experience) is it takes awhile. There are times when you're not getting a lot of response, or you do but things just kind of peter out.

Have you tried prioritizing your preferences and widening your choices on the less-important things? You get more matches that way ... so more chance of connecting with one.
 
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hummingbird_in_the_jungle is offline hummingbird_in_the_jungle Post #5  June 10,2010, 2:24pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
Have you tried prioritizing your preferences and widening your choices on the less-important things? You get more matches that way ... so more chance of connecting with one.
Hi Sassafras,

I widened the pool by allowing all races and ethnicities (I originally had it limited to 3 different groups). There are some things I'm not willing to compromise on, like smoking, etc., but I'll look at other preferences I might be willing to adjust.

I should probably be more patient, too. Initially, this second time around seemed to show that I had exhausted all my compatible matches; I went from receiving 7-8 matches per day to zero in a matter of weeks. Now that I've opened up the the pool a bit, I'm getting more matches, but no bites. It sounds like it takes more time; perhaps more time than the 2 months it took during my first time.

Thanks for the advice!

H.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #6  June 10,2010, 5:56pm
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate wrote :
Even though the one question asks “what’s the *first* thing people notice, you may want to complete “That at first I’m initially shy” with a “but then…”
No. Everyone writes some variation of "I'm shy at first". So don't. You'll earn a point or two simply for writing something else.
 
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hummingbird_in_the_jungle is offline hummingbird_in_the_jungle Post #7  June 11,2010, 11:36am
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Okay, so I made some adjustments to my profile:

The one thing H wishes MORE people would notice about her is:
That I love jokes, sarcasm, and acting goofy every now and then. The better I get to know someone, the more witty and sarcastic I get with them, so I like to surround myself with people who have a good sense of humor. I love to laugh, and it's even better to have someone laugh with me!

The first thing people notice about H is:
I'm an introvert, at least in most social situations. I'm the type of person who listens and perceives things more than talking when I'm around a large group of people. In such cases I try to be extra thoughtful about what I say. When I'm with one person or a smaller group of people, I talk a lot more, especially when I feel comfortable around the person/people.

Comments? Suggestions?

Thanks!

H.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  June 11,2010, 6:33pm
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hummingbird_in_the_jungle wrote :
The first thing people notice about H is:
I'm an introvert, at least in most social situations. I'm the type of person who listens and perceives things more than talking when I'm around a large group of people. In such cases I try to be extra thoughtful about what I say. When I'm with one person or a smaller group of people, I talk a lot more, especially when I feel comfortable around the person/people.
Bzzzt. This is just a verbose way to say "I'm shy at first". Now you've got something that's bad on two counts.

That someone is shy or introverted is rarely the very first thing that someone would notice about a person. The very first thing is likely to be something physical - something about your appearance, or something that you do. Maybe your accent or something about your voice. Find something attractive or quirky and talk about it. It doesn't have to be some deep inner quality.

I suggest you ask a friend how you might answer this question.
 
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