derek74 is offline derek74 Post #1  June 2,2010, 9:05pm
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So I got to OC and traded 3 emails with one of my matches, who is really cute. On the third email I ask for her phone number and I give her mine. She writes back and says she wants a Secure Call...because as a young single woman she has to be careful. I'm totally fine with that...but I'm curious...what's the big deal with giving up your digits? I'm not the sort that would call and leave 15 messages like Jon Favreau in "Swingers"...and I don't think I come off that way in my email communication. Should I take this personally or as some kind of bad sign, or is this perfectly normal EH dating protocol?
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #2  June 2,2010, 9:11pm
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Sorry, she has no clue who you really are.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  June 2,2010, 9:19pm
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Maybe she has had men (even just one) who called way too often or much, did a reverse look up and showed up one day or possibly more. Now, if she has a cell phone, there should be no problem. It's harder to trace who has what number.

We could call her paranoid or we can call her safety minded.
 
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Buck is online now Buck Post #4  June 2,2010, 9:38pm
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I did a secure call once. You'll live through it ... maybe.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  June 3,2010, 4:12am
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You should not take this personally at all. She does not know you to make it personal and it only takes one psycho to make someone safety conscious. The reality is that with the internet, it's really easy for all kinds of people and especially the wrong people to look up personal information, including the person's address, just from a phone number.
If she, or someone she knows, has had a bad experience, she will be cautious.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #6  June 3,2010, 6:15am
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Yet another reason to skip the phone call completely, and just meet up for coffee somewhere in a nice, safe environment.
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #7  June 3,2010, 6:32am
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It only takes getting stalked once to make someone very safety conscious.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #8  June 3,2010, 6:38am

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derek74 wrote :
So I got to OC and traded 3 emails with one of my matches, who is really cute. On the third email I ask for her phone number and I give her mine. She writes back and says she wants a Secure Call...because as a young single woman she has to be careful. I'm totally fine with that...but I'm curious...what's the big deal with giving up your digits? I'm not the sort that would call and leave 15 messages like Jon Favreau in "Swingers"...and I don't think I come off that way in my email communication. Should I take this personally or as some kind of bad sign, or is this perfectly normal EH dating protocol?
I'm not sure there is a "normal" eH dating protocol. The whole thing seems more designed for people to never meet someone but keep paying eH.

If she wants to pay to secure call you that's her prerogative. If she's trying to tell you that you need to pay to secure call her then tell her that you'll get back with her when she's serious about getting to know a quality man.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #9  June 3,2010, 6:51am

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hankscorpio wrote :
I'm not sure there is a "normal" eH dating protocol. The whole thing seems more designed for people to never meet someone but keep paying eH.

If she wants to pay to secure call you that's her prerogative. If she's trying to tell you that you need to pay to secure call her then tell her that you'll get back with her when she's serious about getting to know a quality man.
good advice.

besides, you aren't going to find out a guy is a stalker until after you date him anyway.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  June 3,2010, 7:14am

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Hi Derek74,

It sounds like you’ve been respectful through the Guided Communication process, and that her concern is her pre-disposition, previous experiences she’s drawing from, or what she’s heard from others. This could be a nice opportunity to show some empathy and give her a fresh, new experience.

And yes – once you give out your cell phone number, my understanding is that there’s no way (or it’s not easy) to block someone who would potentially keep calling back against your wishes. So that is where the demand for the Secure Call feature comes into play, and it’s affordable.

Good luck, Derek74, hope you have a great time getting to know this cutie.

~Kate
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