bada0781 is offline bada0781 Post #1  June 2,2010, 8:43am
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This is my first month on eHarmony. I must say its been, well "ok" to say the least. Ive spoken with a few people then out of no where communication closes. Im not perfect and all but just wanting to know where I go wrong. Any pointers?
 
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NJGeek81 is offline NJGeek81 Post #2  June 2,2010, 8:48am
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bada0781 wrote :
This is my first month on eHarmony. I must say its been, well "ok" to say the least. Ive spoken with a few people then out of no where communication closes. Im not perfect and all but just wanting to know where I go wrong. Any pointers?
Welcome to the club! I'm having the same rough experience. Made it to OC with one person and found out there were deal breakers, and am at MHCS exchanges with another. Unfortunately you'll have to get used to the high non response rate, it sort of goes with the territory (and there's a few dead profiles to boot). What I'd do is to go to the "Using eHarmony" forum and read the "sticky" instructions on how to post your profile up for review. The people here are great for finding stuff that you may have overlooked. Otherwise hanging around these forums helps too. Just be prepared to be in it for the long haul (6 months or more) just in case the one for you doesn't show up right away. There's a decent amount of new members signing up regularly so don't give up hope once you've exhausted your match list and nobody turns up for a couple days.
 
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bada0781 is offline bada0781 Post #3  June 2,2010, 9:09am
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Thanks
 
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slaw is offline slaw Post #4  June 2,2010, 9:51am
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bada0781 wrote :
This is my first month on eHarmony. I must say its been, well "ok" to say the least. Ive spoken with a few people then out of no where communication closes. Im not perfect and all but just wanting to know where I go wrong. Any pointers?
A few comments. Are you trying other online sites and getting the same results? The reason I ask is that if you are striking out everywhere it likely is your pictures and profiles that are the issue and need fixing. You probably have a standard, normal, profile that 100,000 other guys have so it is unremarkable. It took me about 2 months to figure out how to adjust my profiles to get responses. I find funny and outrageous works really well at every site.

If it is just EH, then that is simply because of the fact that there a lot of non-members in your matches who can't respond. Nothing you can do about that. I find that 80% of the women I initiate contact with on EH never respond, close me or even view me.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  June 2,2010, 1:23pm

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Hi Bada0781,

Welcome to eHarmony and eHarmony Advice.

So it sounds like you’re getting communication, so there are matches who are responding to your profiles and pictures. That’s great!

Your description of communications ending out of nowhere is something eHarmony Advicers have deemed as the “poofing” phenomenon. eHarmony is designed as a process of elimination, actually (as NJGeek81 said – it involves deal-breaker questions and Must Haves/Can’t Stands exchanges in order to determine potentiality and to address issues that could come up in a relationship).

Therefore, it’s to be expected that some communications with matches may end. However, we encourage members to end communication courteously. You can check out this article that address some of these Etiquette issues: eHarmony Etiquette

I agree that it could really help to stick around the Advice boards and get involved or read the discussions in the Dating and Using eHarmony forums.

Also, this may or may not apply to you, but are you identifying a pattern? Do your matches cut out at a certain point or do they give you any feedback? Not that their feedback is “right”, but it may give you insight. For example, let’s say you disclose at a certain point some personal information, and realize that that’s when they stop communicating. It doesn’t mean that you should change anything, but it could just mean that for many matches, that particular thing is a deal-breaker. That doesn’t mean that it’s a deal-breaker for all matches, especially not the match who is ultimately right for you. On the other hand, you may discover that there is something you can change in your approach.

I guess it’s just a matter of staying positive, open-minded, and patience. Breakthroughs happen all the time here.

All the best,

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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