If you draft your own questions to the guided communication essay questions, tell us!


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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #1  June 1,2010, 5:06pm
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eHarmony asked a round of multiple choice questions, followed by a round of must haves and can't stands, then a round of essay questions.

For the essay questions, you can select from a list, or draft your own.

If you write your own:

- What do you ask?

- What do you seek to learn?

- Why did you decide to write your own?
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #2  June 1,2010, 5:29pm
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I ask them about either something in their profile, or something from one of their other answers. I find too many of the choices can lead to too earnest of an answer. Or just don't make that much sense to me. (For instance, most spontaneous thing? I'm on a guided communication dating site, exactly how out there do you think I am?)

I seek to learn more about what interests them rather than more about what their therapist knows. (Breakup Reasons? Really?)
 
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nophotos is offline nophotos Post #3  June 1,2010, 5:47pm
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D_Lion wrote :
- What do you ask?
- What do you seek to learn?
- Why did you decide to write your own?
It varied. For the match I'm seeing now, I asked 2 and used one of the canned ones - the same one he used with me (I was curious to see his response to the same question and thought I might learn why he asked me)

My own - one was a question about his profession and the other was on books (a shared interest).

My goal was to see how well the person could communicate and if we "clicked" on paper. That helped me decide if I wanted to meet in person.
 
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cal_dude is offline cal_dude Post #4  June 1,2010, 5:57pm
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charmed59 wrote :
I ask them about either something in their profile, or something from one of their other answers.
Me too. If she says she loves travel, I want to know about her recent trips. If she mentions work too many times, I want to know her work-life balance. If she mentions pets too many times, I want to know what things she does with friends. And so on. Like a good tennis game.
I ask simple questions, yet they help me to understand a complete person better. If answers are one-liners, I close.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #5  June 1,2010, 6:12pm
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I do write my own. I first say Tell me a little about yourself. Ie how you got where you are now and where you hope to get in the future. The next question I ask is what did they want to be when they grew up? And the last question I ask them is what kind of relationship are they looking for and what are they looking for in a relationship partner.

I ask the first one to get a sense of their life story and I note how far apart this story is from their childhood wishes. People who find ways to incorporate the dreams they had as a child tend to be happier than people who do not, though of course, there are always exceptions.

The last one I ask as kind of a qualifying question. I hope they will be honest about what their relationship goals are, and their needs in a partner are.
 
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iamgermajesty is offline iamgermajesty Post #6  June 1,2010, 6:44pm
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"Please describe your relationship with your family. What was your favorite 'tradition' growing up?"

I pick two canned questions and then ask this one. The pre-written family question asks about parents, I believe, and I'd rather know about someone's family dynamic as a whole (sometimes grandparents or siblings are just as important!).

I don't ask this question to get the nitty gritty details about Aunt Joan's rudeness at Cousin Tammy's wedding last summer, but rather to see what their family situation is like.
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #7  June 1,2010, 6:50pm
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I ask one based on information in his profile, i.e. "You mentioned your iPod as one of the things you can't live without. If you hit sheffle what are the first ten songs that come up? Who is represented on you iPod that you would most like to see in concert?" Or " In your profile you list travel as something you are passionate about. If you could share just one place you have visited with me, where would it be and why?"

I have a standard question I always ask - "What work of art (music, literature, painting, poetry, theatre, commercial jingle, whatever) has changed you - inspired you, changed the way you view yourself or the world?" I always get great responses, and usually get a "Great question!".

My third will either be something specific, if I need clarity on one of his questions, MH/CS, or something in the profile; if not, I have a very general "Time and money being no object (and assuming we are together as a couple) describe how we would spend a perfect Saturday together."
 
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Cape_Codder is offline Cape_Codder Post #8  June 1,2010, 7:01pm

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D_Lion wrote :
eHarmony asked a round of multiple choice questions, followed by a round of must haves and can't stands, then a round of essay questions.

For the essay questions, you can select from a list, or draft your own.

If you write your own:

- What do you ask?

- What do you seek to learn?

- Why did you decide to write your own?
I write my own questions.

The questions I ask vary for each person and the topic of the question relates to issues or ideas that have arisen during the communication process with that specific person. Some questions I draft are fact specific to a person's profile.

I want to learn or seek to obtain a better understanding of the other person's personality.

I write my own questons to gain a better insight of the other person. Many of the boiler plate questions offer nothing in terms of substence or content. To me, using all of the standardized questions demonstrates a lack of imagination and interest.
 
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loves2write is offline loves2write Post #9  June 1,2010, 7:20pm
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I write my own questions designed to fill in gaps in, clarify, or expand on the information provided in the match's profile and answers. I have asked about previous marriages, accomplishments the match is proud of, hobbies, jobs, etc. I try to ask open ended questions to prompt a feeling of dialogue rather than question and answers.

Here's the best question I was asked by a match:

What is your greatest accomplishment as 1) a relationship partner, 2) in your profession 3) as an affectionate or passionate woman? "What is your elusive butterfly that has escaped you?
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #10  June 2,2010, 9:54am
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My best question I was asked by a match:

I see you like hockey. I'm a big football fan. What would we have to talk about?

I love questions like that. I shows he read my profile, he's giving me the opportunity to go to my strengths, and it's a great icebreaker for our first meeting.

It also shows he's probably not the type to want to rehash every past long term relationship at that first meeting. He's one to see if we click, before flaunting the baggage and getting into what took my therapist months to reach. That's the way I like to enter a relationship.
 
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