RedApple is offline RedApple Post #1  June 1,2010, 1:56pm
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Hi! I (42 year old man) just started with eH about a month ago and have build my profile over time. Now it's almost complete, and it would be great to get some feedback of what could be misunderstood or what needs to be improved. Please be honest. Thanks!!

What are you most passionate about?
My kids: They are 2 and 4. Whenever they stay with me (about half the time), they keep me on my toes. I love showing them our world - we go on surprise trips, which is to just jump in the car and go without knowing the destination (neither me nor the kids). I'm passionate about most things I do: my work (it's exhilarating when a product finally works), dancing, photography, even gardening. And finding a partner who will be my soul mate and best friend.

Other than your parents, who has been the most influential person in your life and why?
My older sister. She has so much life experience and wisdom and has helped me with advice at some critical points in my life. Aside from this, we had so much fun growing up! She is 11 years older than me and always up for any mischief. When she was a teenager, she taught me to call her mom, and then we both enjoyed the outcry in our small, conservative town where we grew up. We later repeated the stunt when her first son was born (I was 12): Whenever her husband was out on a trip, we went on a "date" with our "child" and enjoyed the scandal!

What is the most important quality that you are looking for in another person?
Integrity, optimism, kindness, a sense of humor

Other than your appearance, what is the first thing that people notice about you? (still blank)

What is the ONE thing that people DON'T notice about you right away that you WISH they WOULD?
While I'm a bit slow to make new friends, I'm very honest and loyal in my relationships, and my friends are usually for life.

What are five things that you "can't live without?"
1. My kids
2. Music: listen, dance, or play a little keyboard
3. The outdoors: the ocean, a deep forest or a creek
4. Rain: perfect time to cuddle up with an old movie
5. A hot tee in the morning

Describe the last book that you read and enjoyed. What was it about? What did you like most about it?
My interests range from silly (Bill Bryson) to romantic (Hans Fallada, Selma Lagerloef, Emily Bronte), and I also enjoy a good mystery. Too bad there won't be any more new books from Arthur Conan Doyle or Agatha Christie! But John Grisham is good, too, I just finished "Ford County".

Is there any additional information you would like your matches to know about you?
My kids stay with me about 3 days per week plus some holidays and obviously take quite some time and energy, but they also bring so much fun and joy. If you have kids, you know what I'm talking about. If not, you can probably guess that many priorities, spare time activities, vacation plans etc are a bit different with kids.

What are the THREE things for which you are MOST thankful?
1. My kids
2. My health
3. Being able to live in relatively peaceful and prosperous times

The four things your friends say about you are:
Intelligent
Caring
Loyal
Thoughtful

What are three of my best life skills?
Achieving personal goals
Raising and/or caring for children
Being a good friend and companion

How do you typically spend your leisure time?
Ballroom dancing, Photography (nature, birds, my kids), hiking, playing with my kids, or spending a quiet evening at home

Pictures





Last edited by RedApple; June 1,2010 at 3:13pm.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #2  June 1,2010, 2:30pm
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Your profile reads as either you really don't have room at the moment for an adult relationship or you are looking for an instant replacement mommy for your kids. (I'm leaning more toward the first option).

Don't bludgeon the obvious to death. Of course your children are important to you and of course, if I were to date you, that would be a factor and a consideration - you really don't need to pound this point over and over and over again. At the end of the day, I'm looking to get to know you first and decide if I have enough interest in dating you. Your profile says little about who you are and what you are about as a person. In short, tone down the children references to one and show me who you are as a man.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  June 1,2010, 2:37pm
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Agree with Dancing. And you misspelled tea in your 5 CLWO list. I sure hope you aren't drinking hot golf tees in the morning.
 
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RedApple is offline RedApple Post #4  June 1,2010, 2:57pm
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Thank you both! Well, I got some communication requests from women who have a life packed with adult activities, and want to travel around the world for weeks etc, that's why I decided to point out the kids in my life. My life is very different than it was before the kids, and my partner would need to accept all the restrictions etc. But I agree that I should tone it down. I admit there is a bit of truth in the observation "don't have room at the moment for an adult relationship".

By the way, pretty often I read a profile of a woman saying "kids at home: yes", and then the entire profile says nothing about them at all. It reads as if she doesn't even have any kids. I don't know if that's just a profile tactic, but to me this is a turn-off. I don't know, maybe I'm in the minority on this question.

And no, I don't have golf equipment for breakfast. Thanks for the catch! (English is not my native language)
Last edited by RedApple; June 1,2010 at 3:17pm.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #5  June 1,2010, 3:23pm
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I don't mention my kids much in my profile because my dates will not being meeting my kids until we get quite serious. And I am not looking for another father for them. But then again, they aren't as young as yours. You profile does read like you'd like someone who could step in as another mother. Is that true?

That said, those profiles of women who have traveled the world? They may have missed their window for having children of their own, and would love the opportunity to share the joy that children bring us. So I wouldn't necessarily cross them off. And certainly, if they respond to what you have here, they know what they are getting into.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  June 1,2010, 3:33pm
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RedApple wrote :
Thank you both! Well, I got some communication requests from women who have a life packed with adult activities, and want to travel around the world for weeks etc, that's why I decided to point out the kids in my life. My life is very different than it was before the kids, and my partner would need to accept all the restrictions etc. But I agree that I should tone it down. I admit there is a bit of truth in the observation "don't have room at the moment for an adult relationship".

By the way, pretty often I read a profile of a woman saying "kids at home: yes", and then the entire profile says nothing about them at all. It reads as if she doesn't even have any kids. I don't know if that's just a profile tactic, but to me this is a turn-off. I don't know, maybe I'm in the minority on this question.

And no, I don't have golf equipment for breakfast. Thanks for the catch! (English is not my native language)
Don't write off women who want to travel. I can honestly tell you that I'm eternally grateful to my parents for always taking me with them around the world even when they thought I'd be too young to remember. Traveling and exposing your children to different experiences, cultures, etc. is important. Also, keep in mind that for most people travel is not a constant but more of a once a year or even a once every few years deal regardless of how much they talk about it in their profile. There is wishful thinking and then there are the realities of money, time and other obligations.
 
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RedApple is offline RedApple Post #7  June 1,2010, 3:55pm
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Good points, thank you for your replies!

As to the question of "step-in mom": Well, with two toddlers being with me half the time, any serious relationship would need to eventually include some responsibilities as a caregiver, if not a mom per se. I don't want a relationship where I spend one half of my time taking care of my kids, and the other half with a partner having a good time. I'm looking for having a family, as close to normal as can be, under the circumstances. How should I describe this? In the profile, or approach the subject later?
Last edited by RedApple; June 1,2010 at 4:04pm.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  June 2,2010, 3:43am
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You should not be bringing it up in your profile and it should not even be a part of a first or even a second date conversation. You are putting the cart 10 miles in front of the horse and you are treating this like a catalog from which you can pick an appliance that will cater sufficiently to you and your kids. I can pretty much guarantee you that this will not work for you.

You don't seem to understand that BEFORE I even consider your children or want to meet them or consider all the complications and responsibilities I'd be taking on, I have to want to date YOU - the man, the person, the human being. I have to get to know you and who you are and I have to like who you are.....a lot. I need to know that you are capable of balancing your life and an adult relationship along with taking care of your children and ex spouse issues in a healthy way. What's coming across to me right now from your profile and your posts is that you are not there.
 
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RedApple is offline RedApple Post #9  June 2,2010, 7:34am
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Thank you for taking the time and the candid reply! This helps a lot.
 
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