UniqueUserName is offline UniqueUserName Post #1  June 1,2010, 9:21am
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I am assuming this topic has come up before however I am curious as if you prefer going through the eHarmony system or straight to e-mail?

I bring this up because I tend to solely go on e-mail alone and have not had the best of luck with responses, only recently have I tried the questions and while it has been the same non-existent luck I want to see if there is anything I can do to improve my odds.
 
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hankscorpio is offline hankscorpio Post #2  June 1,2010, 9:36am

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UniqueUserName wrote :
I am assuming this topic has come up before however I am curious as if you prefer going through the eHarmony system or straight to e-mail?

I bring this up because I tend to solely go on e-mail alone and have not had the best of luck with responses, only recently have I tried the questions and while it has been the same non-existent luck I want to see if there is anything I can do to improve my odds.
I think I found the problem. Your profile says you're male. Gender reassignment surgery and hypnosis therapy to turn you female identified would solve your communication problems in a snap.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 1,2010, 11:22am
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To improve your odds, be sure that you have at least two nice (emphasis added) photos posted - one where I can clearly see your face and another that's a full body shot where I can clearly see you. Be sure that those photos are nice, flattering to you and accurate to how you look today. It always amazes me how men utterly disregard this and post horrible photos.

Assuming above is taken care of, either post your profile here for a review or ask your brutally honest female friends to read it and tell you what they think. Often people have things in their profile that can raise red flags or be badly misread without even realizing it.

Now if all of the above are in order, then the reality is that a lot of your matches are either non-members or are no longer active with EH and therefore either can't respond or are not around to respond.

Finally, to answer your direct question, on EH I prefer that the guy pays attention to my preferred method of communication, guided, and contact me that way. In my experience, every single match that requested to skip and go straight to e-mails turned out to be a complete eager beaver flake, so when I get a request for immediate direct e-mail I tend to be a bit skeptical about the match even if my overall personal preference is to keep electronic communications as brief as possible and meet sooner rather than later. Sometimes, when in Rome........
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  June 1,2010, 11:29am
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DancingFool has said everything that needs to be said about this! Follow her advice, it's perfect.
 
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UniqueUserName is offline UniqueUserName Post #5  June 1,2010, 11:42am
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I have 2 fairly recent photos that are posted. 1 is an upper body and face shot with sunglasses on, the other is the self body shot with a mirror. I consider myself average looking but i'm tall, slim and caucasian what else can i offer physically!!

I did post my profile for a review and most people said it was fine, gave me some things to tweak and i went with it.

I went straight to e-mail on those matches that I felt gave a lot about themselves in their profile, people that actually express their passions, hobbies and ultimately give a decent summary of themselves without single a majority of single word answers.

My profile is at 99%, cant figure out what that last 1% is however it was more or less the idea behind what women prefer online. I find a majority of the guided questions to be utterly stupid so early in the process. While others are often already answered in the profile. I had the mindset of email a few times, meet for a drink or coffee or whatever and see where things go.
Last edited by UniqueUserName; June 1,2010 at 11:44am.
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #6  June 1,2010, 11:45am
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I prefer Guided Communication unless there is a good reason why not. (e.g. the match who requested to go to email so he could tell me he was going away on holiday for several weeks; I thought that was considerate of him)
 
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UniqueUserName is offline UniqueUserName Post #7  June 1,2010, 12:10pm
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Guess i'll try GC more often. Are there any specific questions that you generally dislike seeing from the initial set?

These are what I generally go with, or ones of this nature.
  • 1. How important is chemistry to you?
    • I need to feel that instant "click"
    • within the first couple of dates I need to sense a certain chemistry
    • I think chemistry can be generated over the long-term with someone I really like
    • I don't believe chemistry is really important to a successful relationship
  • 2. How many books did you read last year?
    • 0-3
    • 3-7
    • 8-12
    • more than 12
  • 3. If you could take a dream getaway, where would you most likely choose to spend a week?
    • Paris
    • Hawaii
    • hiking in the mountains
    • a cottage by the sea
  • 4. How often do you find yourself laughing?
    • I crack myself up!
    • I try to laugh all the time and get serious only when it's needed.
    • Most of my time is spent being serious but I like an occasional good laugh.
    • I'm generally a pretty serious person.
  • 5. If I had a bad day, what is the first thing you would do for me?
    • Cook you dinner
    • Rub your shoulders
    • Talk with you about your day
    • Take you out on the town
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  June 1,2010, 1:10pm
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UniqueUserName wrote :
I have 2 fairly recent photos that are posted. 1 is an upper body and face shot with sunglasses on, the other is the self body shot with a mirror. I consider myself average looking but i'm tall, slim and caucasian what else can i offer physically!!

I did post my profile for a review and most people said it was fine, gave me some things to tweak and i went with it.

I went straight to e-mail on those matches that I felt gave a lot about themselves in their profile, people that actually express their passions, hobbies and ultimately give a decent summary of themselves without single a majority of single word answers.

My profile is at 99%, cant figure out what that last 1% is however it was more or less the idea behind what women prefer online. I find a majority of the guided questions to be utterly stupid so early in the process. While others are often already answered in the profile. I had the mindset of email a few times, meet for a drink or coffee or whatever and see where things go.
Aaaaauuugh...... photo with sunglasses on - worthless! Bathroom pic - another huge no no and a big turn off. Even a super model cannot pull off even just a half decent bathroom mirror pic (even worse if you are doing the shirtless thing).

So there is your starting problem. The very first thing that most women are going to look at is your photo and what do they see? Nothing. Sunglasses hiding your face and bathroom pic that indicates you don't even have a friend to take a nice snapshot of you. Bad bad bad. You want to improve your chances, get nice clean photos. Ask a friend to snap a bunch and pick the best ones.

One thing to clarify - it's not about looks or being super hot or anything else such. I just want to see nice clean photos of you. What you describe do not count as photos worth my while and life is a competition. Why talk to you when the next guy and the guy before you have clear photos.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #9  June 1,2010, 1:18pm
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UniqueUserName wrote :
Guess i'll try GC more often. Are there any specific questions that you generally dislike seeing from the initial set?

These are what I generally go with, or ones of this nature.
  • 1. How important is chemistry to you?
    • I need to feel that instant "click"
    • within the first couple of dates I need to sense a certain chemistry
    • I think chemistry can be generated over the long-term with someone I really like
    • I don't believe chemistry is really important to a successful relationship
  • 2. How many books did you read last year?
    • 0-3
    • 3-7
    • 8-12
    • more than 12
  • 3. If you could take a dream getaway, where would you most likely choose to spend a week?
    • Paris
    • Hawaii
    • hiking in the mountains
    • a cottage by the sea
  • 4. How often do you find yourself laughing?
    • I crack myself up!
    • I try to laugh all the time and get serious only when it's needed.
    • Most of my time is spent being serious but I like an occasional good laugh.
    • I'm generally a pretty serious person.
  • 5. If I had a bad day, what is the first thing you would do for me?
    • Cook you dinner
    • Rub your shoulders
    • Talk with you about your day
    • Take you out on the town
While I try to hold judgment suspended until I meet someone in real life, your question #5 option would raise an eyebrow - we don't even know each other yet you are already asking me what am I going to do for you. Makes me wonder if you are a very selfish, needy kind of an individual. Again it's one of those things where if I have other red hot options, it may just give me enough pause to skip over you at least for the time being. Of course the reality is that once you fall into that "maybe" box, you are probably not coming out.
 
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RedApple is offline RedApple Post #10  June 1,2010, 1:28pm
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DancingFool wrote :
...either post your profile here for a review
Sorry for the dumb question (I'm just getting started here): How do you post a profile for review? Do I start a thread on this board and copy and paste all the pieces from my profile into it? Thanks!
 
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