Afraid of leading someone on w/ eH communication


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amyo210 is offline amyo210 Post #1  May 31,2010, 6:50pm
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Hi, all. I'm in need of a little advice, and I thought I'd give this a shot...

I've reached OC with a few of my matches here, and I'm not sure what to do. (I know OC seems pretty... you know, small-scale to some of you, but I move SLOWLY in meeting new people, and I feel like eH e-mails are a HUGE step for me!) There's one I'm, you know, pretty fond of, but I don't want to jump to conclusions. He hasn't even offered to exchange phone numbers, let alone meet or go on a date, and I'm a little apprehensive to come right out and ask where this is going. My question is, if I'm even HOPING there's something there, should I close the other matches I've been emailing? Is that being too presumptuous about the possibilities with this other guy? Should I keep my options open, in case I find out my first impression of Mr. Awesome failed me? Or am I, in a sense, leading the others on if I'm really wishing things go well with this one?

Wow. That's, umm.... a really long question. (fyi, my emails with my matches aren't this rambling and pitiful-sounding!) If you've made it through this far and have some insight, I'd really appreciate it!
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #2  May 31,2010, 7:17pm
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Keep your options open.
Take some time and read some of the old threads.
There are stories of matches becoming pen pals and never seeming to get to meeting. To those that just up and poof on you.
You'll understand then why you need to keep them options open and maybe even be a little adventerous and ask them to meet at some point.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #3  May 31,2010, 8:20pm
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Do NOT Close out all your Matches based on your hopes for this one guy!

EHarmony and a lot of its members are very fickle.

People come and go, they find other people they like better and will stop communication and/or Close you for no reason.

I can promise you now, you WILL regret Closing some of your other Matches out prematurely, if you put all your eggs into this one guy's basket.
It is just much too early yet.
Wait until after your first meeting with this guy before even considering Closing the other guys.
 
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sony12 is offline sony12 Post #4  May 31,2010, 8:31pm
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ScottK wrote :
Wait until after your first meeting with this guy before even considering Closing the other guys.
An even better plan would be to wait until after he calls (or you call) for that second date.
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #5  May 31,2010, 9:15pm
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FWIW, I stopped matching after several good conversations and a great first date. I closed the other matches after the second date was even better than the first.

My reasoning is that stopping matching early is good because I'd rather save the next great match (if necessary) for when I'm free to devote attention to him. Closing matches, on the other hand, is closing off opportunities - so I waited until I was absolutely sure the current guy was a better bet than any of my matches in communication. After the second date, I am sure of that.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #6  May 31,2010, 9:31pm
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chemgal wrote :
FWIW, I stopped matching after several good conversations and a great first date. I closed the other matches after the second date was even better than the first.

My reasoning is that stopping matching early is good because I'd rather save the next great match (if necessary) for when I'm free to devote attention to him. Closing matches, on the other hand, is closing off opportunities - so I waited until I was absolutely sure the current guy was a better bet than any of my matches in communication. After the second date, I am sure of that.

That is good advice. I would recommend Amy turn off matching for now (to "save" the queued up matches for later) but don't close the communicating ones until after you've met the promising sounding guy a couple times. He may, or may not, seem as promising after you've actually talked to him and met him.

Amy, congratulations! You're off to a good start! And welcome to eHA!
 
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amyo210 is offline amyo210 Post #7  June 1,2010, 3:55am
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Thanks for the replies, everyone! That really helps! I think I have a much better feel for how to balance all my options on here.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  June 1,2010, 7:08am
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amyo210 wrote :
He hasn't even offered to exchange phone numbers, let alone meet or go on a date, and I'm a little apprehensive to come right out and ask where this is going.
Have you done any of those things?
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #9  June 1,2010, 7:10am
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Wonderwoman402 wrote :
That is good advice. I would recommend Amy turn off matching for now (to "save" the queued up matches for later)
That's a bad idea- she hasn't even talked to the guy yet, let alone met him.

She should be communicating with other matches, not sitting around fantasizing about this one.
 
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Wonderwoman402 is offline Wonderwoman402 Post #10  June 1,2010, 9:40pm
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mrflyer wrote :
That's a bad idea- she hasn't even talked to the guy yet, let alone met him.

She should be communicating with other matches, not sitting around fantasizing about this one.
You totally missed the point, Mr. Flyer. She IS communicating with other matches, including the one she's most interested in. In order to keep from getting overwhelmed, it's best to turn off matching now and then if you've got live ones you're already juggling and don't need more at the moment. It's far better to 'save' those matches that haven't been delivered yet than to let them be delivered and then go stale because you're communicating with more than you can handle.
 
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