Ladies, what "must haves/can't stands" are major turnoffs?


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nunayabizness is offline nunayabizness Post #1  May 30,2010, 9:35am

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What "must haves/can't stands" will make you close a match or at least stop replying?
 
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WahineO is offline WahineO Post #2  May 30,2010, 9:52am
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"I can't stand someone who is overweight" is a huge red flag for me. Although I'm not overweight myself, that choice seems to indicate a certain level of intolerance that is a definite turnoff for me. But I'm glad they included it so I don't have to waste more time on them.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #3  May 30,2010, 10:04am
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Not on EH these days so had to go look at the list ... There aren't any that are an automatic close for me, by themselves.

Taken in context with the profile, there would be some, because I would think "we are not compatible". E.g. "must have someone whose energy level is the same as mine" and it's clear from the profile that we're nowhere close in energy level.

But just by themselves? I don't find any MH or CS obnoxious.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #4  May 30,2010, 10:14am
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I think it's would be a major compatibility thing where there is just no grey area. For instance if they had "Must share my desire not to have children". Well, the horse is out of the barn on that one. Or "Must be an active member of a church or synagogue". I'm not. Or the abstinence until marriage requirement. The two kids probably show that I'm not a virgin. So those would be deal breakers,as they should be.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  May 30,2010, 10:40am
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I'm with Sass on this one. Alone, every MHCS is not a deal breaker for me. Combined, some could be. In context of the entire profile, could be again. I sometimes will use OC to clarify their meaning.
 
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bwit is offline bwit Post #6  May 30,2010, 10:49am
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WahineO, actually it says, “ Excessive Overweight...I can't stand someone who is overweight.” First the disclaimer, a very few people have medical problems and have no choice, the rest of us overeat, eat the wrong things and totally upset the chemical balance our body needs, making our bodies store most of the calorie intake as fat. As a society we have no clue what is good for us and although they do sell many things as food, we have no business eating 70 percent of what is sold in the grocery store.

[color=black]There is a lot behind this Excessive Overweight statement that needs to be looked at. Health issues, including the propensity to contract many additional diseases, shorter life expectancy, huge lifestyle differences, activity and energy levels, psychological problems and overeating is an addiction. This is not to mention physical appearance and sexual appeal to their potential partner. Although I am compassionate with their situation this is a compatibility issue then, which is why I think we are all here at eH in the first place.
Last edited by bwit; August 31,2010 at 1:45pm. Reason: system added characters
 
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WahineO is offline WahineO Post #7  May 30,2010, 2:17pm
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bwit, I hear you, but I was just offering my perspective to the fellow that asked the question. To me, that particular CS indicates a guy who is unduly focused on a woman's weight, since he prioritizes it above so many other more important (to me, anyway) characteristics. Kind of like the guy I dated who said to me (5'5 and 124 pounds), "Gee, if you lost 5 pounds, you'd really look great!" Who wants to deal with that kind of nonsense?
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #8  May 30,2010, 4:47pm
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WahineO wrote :
"I can't stand someone who is overweight" is a huge red flag for me. Although I'm not overweight myself, that choice seems to indicate a certain level of intolerance that is a definite turnoff for me. But I'm glad they included it so I don't have to waste more time on them.

Now would you date a man shorter than you?
 
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tenderheart105 is offline tenderheart105 Post #9  May 30,2010, 4:49pm
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These are red flags for me:

I can't stand someone who is overweight.
I am a petite woman, but seeing this listed as a CS really turns me off.
It comes across as shallow and judgemental to me.

(Whenever women complain about this option someone will make a case for the shorter man. For the record, I would date a man who is shorter than I am. In fact, I don't think I have ever dated someone who was taller).

Attractiveness: I must have a partner who is considered very attractive according to most standards...
I hate seeing this. Not only does your match have to be attractive to you (which makes sense) but they have to be so attractive that most people would agree. I think the "chemistry" option is more appropriate instead. It simply states that you want to be attracted to your partner.

Sexually knowledgeable: I must have someone who is mature and experienced as a potential sexual partner and is able to express himself/herself freely.
I realize that this may not sound fair, but when I see this one I wonder if the person is looking for something casual. Also, the standards seem to be set quite high.
I don't mind seeing the Passionate option though (I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding).
Last edited by tenderheart105; May 30,2010 at 4:54pm.
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #10  May 30,2010, 7:14pm
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Attractiveness... I must have a partner who is considered very attractive according to most standards...
Really? I can understand needing to be attracted to your partner, but needing other people to be attracted to your partner is a bit much.


There are several others that describe someone who is not me and I would need to find out how serious they are about that particular choice (e.g. the religious practice one or the sexually knowledgeable one). Too many of those would likely lead to me closing the match.
Last edited by chemgal; May 30,2010 at 7:25pm.
 
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