Moving in 6 weeks- when to start eHarm??


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Atrox667 is offline Atrox667 Post #1  May 30,2010, 7:15am
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I am moving to a new city in 6 weeks and want to start using eHarm while there- I have never done online dating before, but think it is a great option, especially for the large size of the city I am moving to. My question is how far in advance of my move is it appropriate to sign up with eHarm and start making connections with people? Thanks!
 
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Buck is online now Buck Post #2  May 30,2010, 7:21am
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Why not start this morning?

Might I suggest including some mention of your plans to avoid a misunderstanding (as has happened ... to me)?
 
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Atrox667 is offline Atrox667 Post #3  May 30,2010, 8:20am
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Thanks for the reply- so, 6 weeks out is not too early to start meeting people on eHarm (given that I make it clear I am not in the area yet)? How long does it take, rough average, to go from meeting someone to talking or going on a date?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #4  May 30,2010, 10:13am
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How long it takes is up to you, and your match ... some people like long-drawn-out email/phone before meeting; others want to meet asap.

I actually think 6 weeks is a bit too soon. If you get matched with someone interesting right away, it forces you into spending 6 weeks online-only, which I think is problematic. It's too easy to get lost in fantasy over someone you haven't even met.

Unless you are very level-headed! And so is your match!
 
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Atrox667 is offline Atrox667 Post #5  May 30,2010, 12:41pm
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I am moving to a new city in 6 weeks and want to start using eHarm while there- I have never done online dating before, but think it is a great option, especially for the large size of the city I am moving to. My question is how far in advance of my move is it appropriate to sign up with eHarm and start making connections with people? Thanks!
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #6  May 30,2010, 2:30pm
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I would wait until you actually get there. A few years when I began trying online dating, I would sign up with an online dating service in advance of my actual relocation to a new place. My experience was that women seemed to be more interested in men who were already in town and ready to meet, even if it takes some time communicating with you before the actual meeting. Reaching out to them before you are there can sometimes be interpreted as "player."
 
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Buck is online now Buck Post #7  May 30,2010, 2:57pm
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I couldn't agree more with not exchanging too many e-mails and calls before meeting. Hesitatingly I'll say that is a majority opinion around here. Whether you'll find a few matches that get to that point in 4-5 weeks is another matter entirely.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  May 30,2010, 4:12pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
I actually think 6 weeks is a bit too soon. If you get matched with someone interesting right away, it forces you into spending 6 weeks online-only, which I think is problematic. It's too easy to get lost in fantasy over someone you haven't even met.
I agree, and if you tell people you won't be there for 6 weeks, a lot of them won't have the patience to wait for you, or won't notice you said that, or might not be sure if you're really moving.

Moving and getting settled is time-consuming and stressful enough that I would wait at least until I was living in the new city.

I'm assuming wherever you're moving is more than a couple hours' drive from where you are now, so that it's not practical to meet those new matches yet.

I'd also be sure to play the "new person in town" card, as it's a good excuse for talking to people and a good way to explain why you don't have local friends.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #9  May 30,2010, 4:33pm
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MrFlyer is correct on this one ().

I'm not sure what the huge rush is to start dating the minute you get to your new city, but why not give yourself at least a little time to get settled in and deal with whatever hassles there are with moving (plus, get your internet hooked up!)?

What I suggest is that you spend the time between now and then signing up on eH and taking the questionnaire and getting your profile in top shape (including pictures). However, do not turn on matching yet (you'll actually have to turn off matching through your account). Then, after you move (or shortly before) you can turn matching back on and start contacting your matches.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  May 30,2010, 4:37pm
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Just a heads up. I merged this thread and your duplicate thread. Hope there is no confusion.
 
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