The MH/CS and the infidelity option


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tenderheart105 is offline tenderheart105 Post #1  May 27,2010, 4:48pm
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Hi there,

Many of the men I have been matched up with on eHarmony do not include "infidelity" on their can't stand list. I have noticed that they do tend to choose the "cheating" option though. What could this mean? Eharmony defines them differently. Do people think that cheating and infidelity are the same thing or am I just being matched with men that think that infidelity is not a big deal?
Last edited by tenderheart105; May 27,2010 at 4:55pm.
 
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NJGeek81 is offline NJGeek81 Post #2  May 27,2010, 5:02pm
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tenderheart105 wrote :
Hi there,

Many of the men I have been matched up with on eHarmony do not include "infidelity" on their can't stand list. I have noticed that they do tend to choose the "cheating" option though. What could this mean? Eharmony defines them differently. Do people think that cheating and infidelity are the same thing or am I just being matched with men that think that infidelity is not a big deal?
I noticed there tends to be a little redundancy on MH/CS. Having been through a divorce where my wife left me for a man she's been having an online affair with for 6 months, I can say that cheating can be emotional (giving your love away) as well as physical (giving your body away). Cheating, to me, covers a broader area and hence is the more appropriate choice. You only have room for 10 choices, and there are a LOT of things on that list I can't stand, but that's why you pick and choose the things that speak to you individually. EVERYBODY hates cheaters, so even that isn't he best choice since it's a no brainer. Hope that helps.
 
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tenderheart105 is offline tenderheart105 Post #3  May 27,2010, 5:08pm
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NJGeek81 wrote :
I noticed there tends to be a little redundancy on MH/CS. Having been through a divorce where my wife left me for a man she's been having an online affair with for 6 months, I can say that cheating can be emotional (giving your love away) as well as physical (giving your body away). Cheating, to me, covers a broader area and hence is the more appropriate choice. You only have room for 10 choices, and there are a LOT of things on that list I can't stand, but that's why you pick and choose the things that speak to you individually. EVERYBODY hates cheaters, so even that isn't he best choice since it's a no brainer. Hope that helps.
NJGeek81,

You made a great point about cheating also being emotional. I'm just concerned about getting mixed up with a guy who has wandering eyes. I am very loyal and could not imagine cheating on someone, emotionally or physically.
 
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krohnan is offline krohnan Post #4  May 27,2010, 5:10pm
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I think in part of why is the way eharmony defines cheating (I figured I'd look since I have both selected), which if you go back and look at the Can't Stands it isn't written/grouped in terms of infidelity. While I think most people would term the 2 one and the same or at least very similarly, the definition here as "someone who takes advantage of other people" isn't on that same page you think it should be. I would think the term "manipulative" would actually fit that definition better and the term cheating could be used with either alongside or synonymously with infidelity.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #5  May 27,2010, 5:25pm
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I wouldnt read too much into those things. There are so many to choose from I actually had a hard time choosing. So even if it isnt there, it doesnt mean it isnt a concern.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #6  May 27,2010, 5:28pm
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livenlearn wrote :
I wouldnt read too much into those things.

I agree.

Also, it is possible a person is not listing the things which they assume to be so obvious as to not need listing.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #7  May 27,2010, 5:31pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Also, it is possible a person is not listing the things which they assume to be so obvious as to not need listing.
True, need to get to OC and find out in person.
 
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tenderheart105 is offline tenderheart105 Post #8  May 27,2010, 5:37pm
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okay, I just thought that it was odd that it was missing. I was sure to include that one on my list. For me, loyalty is a priority and I know that not everyone thinks this way.
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #9  May 27,2010, 9:13pm
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tenderheart105 wrote :
okay, I just thought that it was odd that it was missing. I was sure to include that one on my list. For me, loyalty is a priority and I know that not everyone thinks this way.
Yes, most of us are looking for someone who is disloyal.
 
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NJGeek81 is offline NJGeek81 Post #10  May 28,2010, 5:25am
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tenderheart105 wrote :
okay, I just thought that it was odd that it was missing. I was sure to include that one on my list. For me, loyalty is a priority and I know that not everyone thinks this way.
Depends on what you mean by loyalty. For some personality types, it means taking your loved one's side in an argument/disagreement with another even when you believe he/she is wrong. That kind of expectation, to me, is unhealthy.
 
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