Sexual compatibility in MHCS: OK to use or probable turn-off?


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NJGeek81 is offline NJGeek81 Post #1  May 25,2010, 12:51pm
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It seems on the surface that declaring any strong felt positions on sexual compatibility in the MHCS section vs the profile or an awkward dating conversation is a really good idea. After all, if you really enjoy sex and would be driven mad by dating somebody who honestly doesn't think it's important, you'd want to know that up front, right? Still, I wonder if I run the risk of creeping women out by including it in my MHCS. I was tempted to click the "Passionate" option in MH, but felt he "Uninterested" option in CS was more accurate. I'm not a shallow creature by any means but I hope that my honest onion that I "can't stand" a woman who doesn't enjoy having sex doesn't give the wrong impression that sex is all I care about. What say you, ladies? Is it an appropriate thing to mention even if the option is right there for us to use, granting the topic some appropriateness and legitimacy?
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  May 25,2010, 1:54pm
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I have had a fairly high % of my (male) matches use one of the sexuality MH/CS. I thought it was fine. I was also fine with men who didn't mention it -- and I didn't interpret that as "he's not into sex". And I use one on my own MH/CS.

The problem with them though is they're open to wide interpretation, and different people are going to have different responses.

I think your idea of using an "Uninterested" CS rather than a "Passionate" MH is a nice solution. Lets your match know that sexuality matters to you, without making any sexually shy matches feel like "I'm not going to be enough for him" or "he's scary" or "ewww".

It's a dilemma!
 
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jussmile is offline jussmile Post #3  May 25,2010, 3:21pm
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I think it would be fine to choose "1" sexual option and leave it at that... the only guys I personally stayed away from... were the ones who had multiple options in the MHCS...
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #4  May 25,2010, 3:46pm
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It wouldn't bother me. I also agree that including more than one may start seeming a bit heavy-handed.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #5  May 25,2010, 4:20pm
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The only one where I kind of balk is the can't stand someone who isn't interested in sex on a regular basis. I guess bc I cannot imagine someone who is any good at sex with a woman having trouble getting it on a regular basis with the woman who professes to love him ... so it makes me wonder if they are uh .... incompetent in that department.
 
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Ephemera is offline Ephemera Post #6  May 25,2010, 4:29pm
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In my age group many of the men are unable to bring home the goods, so it is promising if there is some mention of sex in the MH/CS list. That way you know that they are interested in it and able to do it. A BIG positive in my book. Any man over sixty - no; 59, in my opinion, should say right up front whether things are working or not so much. What is the point of going through all the questions and e-mails and phone calls and first date things if the end result is not going to be satisfactory. Any relationship I am in needs that and life is more precious as it advances so it would be nice to know right in the profile (alright, I know that will never happen, but I sure would like it).
 
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Jules5401 is offline Jules5401 Post #7  May 25,2010, 5:41pm
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nightling wrote :
The only one where I kind of balk is the can't stand someone who isn't interested in sex on a regular basis. I guess bc I cannot imagine someone who is any good at sex with a woman having trouble getting it on a regular basis with the woman who professes to love him ... so it makes me wonder if they are uh .... incompetent in that department.
I actually know a few people where infrequent sex was an issue...with the men not wanting it, and then for example, a friend could careless then to ever have sex again. This is due to more of her hangups and emotional issues than that he can't perform. From what she says, so who knows. I also have another friend like that too.

Personally I don't mind any of them. For some its more important than others. I wouldn't bat an eye seeing them.
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #8  May 25,2010, 6:11pm
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nightling wrote :
The only one where I kind of balk is the can't stand someone who isn't interested in sex on a regular basis. I guess bc I cannot imagine someone who is any good at sex with a woman having trouble getting it on a regular basis with the woman who professes to love him ... so it makes me wonder if they are uh .... incompetent in that department.
It does make one wonder.
I kinda think its not needed because we pretty much know men want it.
I actually would be shocked to see one say they didnt want it.
 
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NJGeek81 is offline NJGeek81 Post #9  May 25,2010, 7:13pm
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nightling wrote :
The only one where I kind of balk is the can't stand someone who isn't interested in sex on a regular basis. I guess bc I cannot imagine someone who is any good at sex with a woman having trouble getting it on a regular basis with the woman who professes to love him ... so it makes me wonder if they are uh .... incompetent in that department.
Let me say that I was formally married to one of these women. Sometimes even if the sex itself is great (and without getting into too much detail, she got "hers" every time), some women just don't have the sex drive or interest to suggest the activity on their own an awful lot. Some women really get excited about sex, some don't. And for somebody who really enjoys it and all the emotional perks that go with it, it's a legitimate "can't stand" that could wreck a relationship if after a while one feels like an unreasonable pervert who always has to initiate it to a lackluster interest.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #10  May 25,2010, 11:53pm
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NJGeek81 wrote :
Let me say that I was formally married to one of these women. Sometimes even if the sex itself is great (and without getting into too much detail, she got "hers" every time), some women just don't have the sex drive or interest to suggest the activity on their own an awful lot. Some women really get excited about sex, some don't. And for somebody who really enjoys it and all the emotional perks that go with it, it's a legitimate "can't stand" that could wreck a relationship if after a while one feels like an unreasonable pervert who always has to initiate it to a lackluster interest.
I understand this. But it still tends to make me wonder if they are competent in the bedroom.
 
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