Ugh! I get so frustrated sometimes! Anyone else?


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Laura8 is offline Laura8 Post #1  May 22,2010, 8:49am
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Hi Everyone!
I know that I have mentioned that I have made some changes to my Preferences and have been receiving more matches on a daily basis. It's true! I have! Many (99%) of them have pictures, many of them are good looking, and a nice handlful have responded to my questions. I have had perhaps, 3-4 in which I have continued communication with through the 'Open-ended questions.' This is what makes me frustrated:

So far, everytime that I have reached this stage, and think that we have a nice amount of things in common, and I do believe that my OE answers and questions were good ones, they either take a week to respond to my questions, never send any e-mails, or close me. I can't deny the fact that this really gets me thinking that there was something wrong with what I had sent! Any time this happens, I think, "Ugh! I can't believe it!" I just received the 1st questions from another match who I had sent questions to a number of days ago, luckily, but, I can't help thinking that I am getting anxious to receive his response! And I'm not normally like this!! It's like having a rug yanked right out from underneath you! And then wondering what was wrong with the rug! Sorry to ramble, but, it's just getting some what frustrating..probably even more because I haven't seen anything in the past couple of days.. Boy, people REALLY need to have broad shoulders to be here..I know..patience..Well..I do look forward to hearing from this guy..that's having a positive outlook!Laura
Last edited by Laura8; May 22,2010 at 10:13am.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  May 22,2010, 8:58am
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Hey Laura! Congrats on finding a productive way to tweak your preferences! Yay!

It is weird to me too, that people can be so difficult about just communicating with a match! Oh well! They are.

I wonder if it's an oddity of online dating? IRL, you meet some guy somewhere, you talk for 1/2 an hour, you exchange phone numbers, then you can generally expect to be in contact within a few days.

Online, you can get contacted by someone 6 weeks after you sent them something. Sigh.

I'm glad you still look forward to hearing from this guy! Yes, I think patience really has to be cultivated.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  May 22,2010, 9:06am
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Laura I feel your pain. Actually you are doing a lot better than I am, and I have been here a long time. I had one match that I received Thursday and sent First Questions to and she responded on Thursday. We then went through MHCS and she sent her Second Questions (Open Ended) and I replied and sent my Second Questions last night. She closed me this morning. I was really looking forward to getting to know her.

I have over 100 matches that I have sent First Questions to, some going back to February so I am being very patient. Probably half have no photos and very little in their profile. Only one is communicating (if you can call it that) but it has taken her more than a week to respond to my last e-mail.
 
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sony12 is offline sony12 Post #4  May 22,2010, 9:16am
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Guys the answer as to why people often bug out during the second questions is very simple. They bug out because at that point they have to start putting forth some effort.

The communication process is very easy during the first couple stages. Most of them just punch and click their answers (which takes about ten seconds to do).

There is no way to judge a persons interest level until the second questions because virtually no effort is needed to respond. However when they either quit responding all together at stage three or wait a week to respond you can get an idea of where their interest level was at all along.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  May 22,2010, 9:26am
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I agree with Sony. It's a fun little not-very-demanding game to go through first-questions. It starts to get personal after that.

That does weed out the not-really-interested. OTOH, it takes longer to respond, if you put some thought into your answers, so even more patience is needed!
 
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melman is offline melman Post #6  May 22,2010, 9:46am
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Sassafras54 wrote :
I agree with Sony. It's a fun little not-very-demanding game to go through first-questions. It starts to get personal after that.
Yes, I agree with that too. So now we know this. But what to do about it? Do you continue to ask deep personal questions which require "work" to answer? Knowing that many of them will simply sigh and close you? Or do you lighten up a little?

It depends on what your objective is. After a while, I realized that it's hard enough to simply get a match through the process and to a first meeting. I stopped using eH as a way to screen people out, and I relaxed my approach. I would not ask (or answer) any difficult questions, and I tried to keep all my communications very "casual". I would always start OC with a short message saying that I would like to meet. (No pressure, just a clear statement of intent.)

Using this approach, I saw a noticeable improvement in my results. Fewer closes and more meetings.

Everyone needs to decide what their own eH objective is.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  May 22,2010, 9:50am
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Laura, it can be a long process, but you might want to take a look at the questions you are sending. Are they all serious? All not so serious?

I had three matches reach the Open Ended Questions within a day or two of each other. The first one is still sitting there waiting to be answered because I find his questions hard to answer. They are things I don't really think about or even care about. Obviously they are important to him (at least I hope they are) otherwise he wouldn't have sent them, right?

My point it that sometimes by this stage some of us become way too serious about the process and send over-the-top serious type questions that are really too much to answer (all three at once).
 
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darlingat49 is offline darlingat49 Post #8  May 22,2010, 10:19am
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Gosh, I can't even get my first set of questions answered so I'm envious. I've got close to 60 open matches and no one is closing me, or sending me questions. "Hello- anyone out there alive? Hello, hello?"
Yeah, this is really not the most fulfilling way to go about meeting people. Can't say as I ever hope to actually meet someone face to face.
In a moment of weakness I paid my $ but this really isn't for me. I actually would like to meet people IRL- gosh, what a thought.
So what questions do you have success getting responses from? I think I have the one for dining out with friends, how often do you laugh, how much personal space, do you enjoy debating, and then I did weight preference which I know is bad but I find most of the questions pretty silly to ask at all or at this point.
And this week I've had 30% respond and all closed me. Profile? Face? Mystery....
 
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Laura8 is offline Laura8 Post #9  May 22,2010, 10:25am
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Hi Everyone!
Thanks for responding! Great points! So true! I remember times when it would take very little time to reach the last stage, and then..time passes... It does take some thinking on the last sort of questions!
My questions? I do think that they are somewhat serious, but that's because of what I'm looking for. I usually ask:

-where do you see yourself in 5 years (marriage, work..)
-how much time do you like to spend with your 'significant other'?
-what are your other hobbies?
-..three best traits?
-whereas, some of the questions that I had to answer were:
-3 wishes..physical traits..best date..

Ok, so maybe I could choose other kinds of questions, but, I had a reason for including the ones which I have included..past relationships....looking for long term relationship..Laura
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  May 22,2010, 10:26am
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darlingat49 wrote :
Gosh, I can't even get my first set of questions answered so I'm envious. I've got close to 60 open matches and no one is closing me, or sending me questions. "Hello- anyone out there alive? Hello, hello?"
Most of your matches are not active paying customers. Folks here estimate that only 10% to 25% are.

A match that closes you is active (logging in and looking at profiles), but you can't know whether he is a paying customer (able to view your pictures and reply to your communications). You just can't know. So don't take it personally.
Last edited by melman; May 22,2010 at 10:43am.
 
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