Using eHarmony: Religion Settings, Must Haves and Can't Stands!


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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #1  May 21,2010, 5:58am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Another good article Kate.
 
The real problem with these Must Haves (and others) is that because they are open to interpretation a match may have interpreted them differently than you did and close without continuing on to Open Communication where you could explain exactly what your level of spirituality is.
 
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JohnK67 is offline JohnK67 Post #2  May 21,2010, 7:02am
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Anyone who's read that article should keep in mind that the "Must Haves/Can't Stands" you send to someone are not unique to that match.

If you change them, everyone who has already received your MH/CS list will see your changes if/when they review.

Choose them wisely and never change them, I suppose.

Reposting...

(Must Haves and Can't Stands- List NOT unique per each Match!)
http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/using-eharmony/39960-must-haves-and-cant-stands-list-not-unique-per-each-match.html

Question: What do matches see when they go back and review the history of your communication under the "Must Haves/Can't Stands" (Stage 2) tab?

Answer: They will always see your CURRENT list of "Must Haves/Can't Stands" and not the list you originally sent.

I always thought these were customized on a match-by-match basis just like the canned questions in Stage 1 & 3.

NO! I just verified this today by changing my "Must Haves/Can't Stands" and reviewing the communication history under a specific match.

What exactly is the point of having the opportunity to change the "Must Haves/Can't Stands" list just before sending them when you risk that older matches will see something different?

If you can't change them on a match-by-match basis, then the "Must Haves/Can't Stands" should just be a permanent part of your profile. Perhaps in a hidden part of your profile which is simply revealed at Stage 2.

By giving you the orange "Edit" button during Stage 2, you are clearly led to believe that the "Must Haves/Can't Stands" are customized per each match, the same as the canned questions at Stage 1 & 3. Yet this is false.
 
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JonBoy is offline JonBoy Post #3  May 24,2010, 9:51pm
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Very well said. Especially this part and how "the" was in all caps! 
 
Spirituality is among the core of all the keys dimensions (and THE core for some). For some, it may require some soul searching and experimentation to determine how open to be and in what ways.
 
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IknowwhatIknow is offline IknowwhatIknow Post #4  July 10,2010, 8:10pm
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Where have I heard that before...

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When I joined (today), I did read the statements carefully, and stuck pretty close to things that would be deal breakers, regardless of who I may be talking to. I haven't been to Stage 2, so that is something I have yet to experience on EH. I've been doing some reading in the groups here, and I'm glad I found this place!


 
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