NYGirl716 is offline NYGirl716 Post #1  May 19,2010, 3:14pm
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I have been on eHarmony for over 2 months and I have met no one. I put up my best pictures, and my profile is upbeat and positive. I have also took initiative and sent my first 5 questions to over 200 guys. I do get responses back, but eventually the gentleman that do get back to me disappear. I am very confused because I've heard great things from this site from friends and family. I have less than a month left, and I feel like I just wasted 120 bucks!
 
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rzande1 is offline rzande1 Post #2  May 19,2010, 4:19pm
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Dont feel bad seriously. I have been on this thing from 3/22/2010. So far I have gone through 451 matches. Before I put up a pic I got one response and the moment she saw the pic I put up it was closed lol. Maybe my theory is true. Some are meant to have no one as we have been banned from the rest of the world.
 
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truthaboutcupid is offline truthaboutcupid Post #3  May 19,2010, 5:47pm
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NYGirl716 wrote :
I have been on eHarmony for over 2 months and I have met no one. I put up my best pictures, and my profile is upbeat and positive. I have also took initiative and sent my first 5 questions to over 200 guys. I do get responses back, but eventually the gentleman that do get back to me disappear. I am very confused because I've heard great things from this site from friends and family. I have less than a month left, and I feel like I just wasted 120 bucks!
Have you posted good pics? Guys tend to value pics fairly high. Some choose also to post their profile on here to get it reviewed by the members (which can be brutal but honest). Are you saying anything that may be a red flag? Keep in mind that many profiles (some say up to 90% but who knows) are inactive meaning that even if you send them questions, they will neither respond nor close you...just leave you in limbo.
 
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DrBrowne is offline DrBrowne Post #4  May 19,2010, 6:00pm
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90%!!!???
 
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truthaboutcupid is offline truthaboutcupid Post #5  May 19,2010, 6:05pm
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DrBrowne wrote :
90%!!!???
I have no idea. Only going by what others have said. Who knows?
 
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NYGirl716 is offline NYGirl716 Post #6  May 19,2010, 6:05pm
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truthaboutcupid wrote :
Some choose also to post their profile on here to get it reviewed by the members (which can be brutal but honest).
How do I do this?
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  May 19,2010, 6:08pm

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Hi NYGirl716,

Sorry that you’ve been discouraged. But welcome to eHarmony Advice – this is a supportive community, and maybe we can troubleshoot together. But I agree with Rzande1 that how many people you communicate with or go out with isn’t necessarily an accurate indicator of the likelihood that you’ll ultimately find the right person. Just coming here shows that you’re willing to look at what you can change to improve your experience.

You said your profile was upbeat and that you have been sending communications to many matches. I can’t tell you how important those two things are! It sounds like you are doing the right things.

I think of a personal friend of mine who sent out lots of communication, had a great profile and 12 amazing and varied pictures, and got a total of 2 communications. Not even two dates, but 2 communications. Well, one of those communications turned into a serious relationship which has last for several years and still going strong! Her attitude changed when she realized that little eHarmony cliché we like to spout so often: “it only takes one”. But it’s true, and that’s what eHarmony is about.

Also – it’s common that communication may drop out mid-process. It’s so common, in fact, that the Advice community has coined a term for it: “poofing”. We don’t condone disappearing on matches, but the Guided Communication process is designed to function as a process of elimination so that you only focus on the matches that have the greatest potential. Courteously closing the match or a simple explanation of moving on to other matches is expected in this context.

That said, I truly understand that when there’s no action or a lot of matches dropping out, it can feel discouraging. You can post your profile for feedback by creating a topic (the way you created this one with the blue "new topic" button in the upper left hand corner of the forum) and copy and past your profile into the body of the topic. The people in this community are very skilled at giving constructive profile critiques.

Also, we have the Profile Workshop threads – you can actually post your profile answer sections one at a time to get more focused feedback on each section: Dating advice message board

You also might benefit from some of the articles on the Using eHarmony articles page: Online dating tips : eHarmony Advice

I hope these two articles (one written by me and one written by another moderator, Renee) will offer some insight and encouragement as well:

Online Dating: Top 5 Tips for Using eHarmony
Using eHarmony: 5 Must Read Tips

Good luck, glad you’re here!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
Last edited by eH_Advice_Host_Kate; May 19,2010 at 6:17pm.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #8  May 19,2010, 6:14pm
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate wrote :
Her attitude changed when she realized that little eHarmony cliché we like to spout so often: “it only takes one”.
Wouldn't it be much more helpful to let new users know that 2/3 of their matches are former customers or otherwise not participating in the eH system? So as to keep their expectations in check.
 
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melman is offline melman Post #9  May 19,2010, 6:17pm
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NYGirl716 wrote :
How do I do this?
Copy your profile questions and answers into a text file. Then copy and paste all that into a new thread in "Using eHarmony". Be sure that your gender is clearly stated so that the right folks will comment on it (I don't comment on guys' profiles).

Do not use Word to create your post, or your post will be garbled.
 
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sony12 is offline sony12 Post #10  May 19,2010, 7:24pm
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melman wrote :
(I don't comment on guys' profiles).
Don't go all Junior Highish on us now. Just because you can tell what is good or not good in a profile written by a guy doesn't mean you like guys.
 
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