Trellie is offline Trellie Post #1  May 18,2010, 7:12pm
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I just started on eHarmony about two or so weeks ago. Is there something wrong with me?!?! I don't expect Mr. Right to show up tomorrow and we get married next week, but 95% of all the guys I've been matched up with or I have tried to contact, they close communication with me. Is this normal?
 
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livenlearn is offline livenlearn Post #2  May 18,2010, 8:08pm
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Trellie wrote :
I just started on eHarmony about two or so weeks ago. Is there something wrong with me?!?! I don't expect Mr. Right to show up tomorrow and we get married next week, but 95% of all the guys I've been matched up with or I have tried to contact, they close communication with me. Is this normal?
Yes, somewhat.
I was here 1 month before I finally got into OC with anyone.
You might want to post your profile to make sure your not sounding too bland or something.
 
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chemgal is offline chemgal Post #3  May 18,2010, 8:41pm
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Do you have a photo posted? Without a photo, 99% of guys will close you without bothering to read the profile.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  May 18,2010, 8:47pm
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Quite unusual. Most (about 90%) of most people's matches are non-paying and non-active members who do nothing at all, including close or view. The fact that 95% of your matches are closing means that nearly all your matches are real, live, active eHarmony members.

Since your matches are closing you without communicating it would seem that there is probably something that is turning them off immediately. Do you have clear current photos on your profile? Did you take time to carefully fill out the Personality Profile Questionnaire? It could be something that you have written in your profile. You may want to have a friend review it or you can post it here for review. You also may want to look through the Profile Workshop threads.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #5  May 18,2010, 9:07pm
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Hey fellow Minnesotan!

Two weeks is a very short time, you do need to give it some time.

That being said, as others have mentioned, there are things you can do to make things work better for you.

First off, if you don't have Photos posted, you need to change that.
Most people on EH, both guys AND gals, will NOT communicate with people that do not have Photos posted.
It isn't about shallowness, it is about fairness.
We all post our Photos, and we expect the same of our Matches.

Next, if guys are Closing you right away, as someone else mentioned, this might indicate something in your Profile that is turning them off right away.
You might want to consider posting your Profile text here, and let some of us help you out. We might be able to give you suggestions on things you might want to change.

Finally, as a fellow Minnesotan, if you are living in the Twin Cities area, and are near my age, I can tell you that we have a LOT of paid members on EHarmony, both guys and gals.
(I can't tell from your Profile here what your age is, or whether you live in the cites)

Unlike a lot of the people here that quote numbers like 85%-90% unpaid members, I can assure you that our numbers are much much better, at least in the late 20's and 30's for ages.

Good Luck!
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #6  May 19,2010, 8:47am
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Hi Trellie!

Good advice above.

If you want to get your profile reviewed here, start a new thread titled something like "profile review please" and then copy/paste the sections of your profile into a post.

A lot of people have done that here (including me) and it can be very useful. It's surprising how you can have something that seems perfectly good to you but people don't like it! Usually it's just a wording issue.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #7  May 19,2010, 10:39am

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Hi Trellie,

Welcome to eHarmony and eHarmony Advice.

I’m so glad to see that you have already gotten a lot of excellent information and suggestions here. I don’t know if this is what is happening with you, but sometimes when you’re new, it’s easy to include things in your profile that could be taken wrong or misinterpreted by your matches. In other words, what may seem like good information to provide could be considered a (premature) deal-breaker for some matches. It could also be excellent information to provide, but the wording could be more appealing. I would definitely take Sassafras54’s advice and post your profile here.

If you like, you can get feedback on each section by posting them one at a time in our Profile Workshop threads. This may give each section more individual and focused critique: Dating advice message board.

Another thing is the types of photos you’re posting. It’s best to post photos that show your features clearly and display a variety of shots – headshot, full-body shot, etc. Also, it’s helpful to have photos that show you in different contexts, doing different activities.

On the Advice site, the Using eHarmony page is chock full of articles that may help you in your approach and search: Online dating tips : eHarmony Advice.

Good luck, and know that you’ve got a supportive community who wishes you well. And for goodness sakes, never take getting closed personally. Those matches don't know you and what a great catch you may be for the right person!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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mrflyer is offline mrflyer Post #8  May 19,2010, 11:48am
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I agree with the posts above- it's odd that 95% are doing anything at all, whether it's responding or closing.

In my experience about 80% never respond or close or anything, probably because they can't.

How many men have you tried to communicate with? Since it's only been 2 weeks I wouldn't be worried about this yet.
 
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Trellie is offline Trellie Post #9  May 20,2010, 2:37pm
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Hey everyone,

Thanks so much for helping me out on this. I will post my profile so you guys can take a look at it. I feel confident that I did okay posting my profile. I am a paid member, but I didn't fill everything out 100% apparently! It only says I filled out about 87%. I can't find where I am missing information. I also posted three very updated pictures. So for those out there who have been using this site, your imput would be greatly appreciated!

Basic Information

Occupation:Customer Quality Specialist Age:27Height:5' 6"Wants Kids:YesKids at Home:No
Ethnicity:White, non-HispanicReligion:Christian Drinks:About once a weekSmokes:Never


In my own words

The most influential person in Erin's life has been:

I can't just pick one and my parents have to be involved! My mom and I are like best friends besides having that mother/daughter relationship. Also, my big brother. He has such a great family that I love watching because one day I want that as well. And my two best friends - we've been there for each other through thick and thin.


The three things which Erin is most thankful for:
  • Family & Friends - I don't know what i would do without them in my life.
  • Job - I am blessed to have a job!
  • Health - I work in the healthcare industry and it's sad to read up on some of the patients. I thank my lucky stars every day that I am healthy.
Three of Erin's best life-skills are:
  • Using humor to make friends laugh
  • Maintaining a network of close friends
  • Maintaining an organized life

The one thing Erin wishes MORE people would notice about her is:

Just like a lot of other people, I am kind of quiet when you first meet me, but I warm up very quickly.


The things Erin can't live without are:
  • iPod
  • Bed (I love sleeping in on the weekends!)
  • Camera
  • Caffeine
  • My Car

The first thing people notice about Erin is:

My personality. I'm typically a happy & bubbly person.


Some additional information Erin wanted you to know is:

I love to smile and laugh. Laughter is the best medicine!


My interests

Erin typically spends her leisure time:

I love a variety of things! I'm always hanging with my family or friends, reading, watching movies, listening to music, doing photography, playing card/board games, canoeing, camping, fishing/ice fishing and walking around the lakes. I've always wanted to try kyaking, too! I'm also a hometown fan to the Twins, Vikings & the Wild!

The last book Erin read and enjoyed:

A "chick" lit book


According to my friends:

Erin's friends describe her as:
  • Respectful
  • Warm
  • Happy
  • Good Listener
 
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melman is offline melman Post #10  May 20,2010, 8:50pm
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Where is the "most passionate about" question? Or the "one thing you're looking for" question?

What you have posted so far is fine. All the questions are answered and the usual cliche answers are avoided.

Could you please clarify what you mean by "95% of all the guys I've been matched up with or I have tried to contact, they close communication with me." Most of your matches are Not Really There (no longer logging into the system, not viewing any profiles, will not respond to communications). How many matches have you had, and how many have closed you?
 
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