bobati is offline bobati Post #1  May 17,2010, 3:08pm
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So eharmony shows your matches whether you have kids and what your career is...but no where on the profile does it show if you have ever been married. Why is this?

This is something that is very important for someone my age (24) and its really disappointing to do the whole guided communication process only to later find out the person you were talking to is just finishing up with a divorce.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  May 17,2010, 3:27pm
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eHarmony requires that everyone that uses their site to be "single". Their definition of "single" is anyone who is not married, how they got to be "not married" is irrelevant. I do feel your pain, divorced or never married is fine with me, I don't want any widows.
 
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bobati is offline bobati Post #3  May 17,2010, 3:32pm
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Wow why no widows?
Thats kind of mean, a widow cant help that her relationship didnt work out...a divorced person can
 
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MISSDRAGONTAT is offline MISSDRAGONTAT Post #4  May 17,2010, 4:01pm
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bobati wrote :
Wow why no widows?
Thats kind of mean, a widow cant help that her relationship didnt work out...a divorced person can
Because partially you would be living in the shadows of the deceased.

No Thank You to that kind of headache.
 
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charmed59 is online now charmed59 Post #5  May 17,2010, 4:34pm
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Everyone has their own preferences. I'm a widow, I prefer people who are divorced or widowed and have children. I figure if they have yet to be married, and hit their late 40s, they probably aren't marriage material, even if they think they are. As for children, one of my matches so eloquently said, "Parents learned long ago that we're not the center of the universe."

I have no problem with people who don't want to date widows because they feel they might live in a shadow. I'm not ready for a partner that needs to feel my last relationship failed for them to feel secure.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  May 17,2010, 4:42pm
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bobati wrote :
Wow why no widows?
Thats kind of mean, a widow cant help that her relationship didnt work out...a divorced person can
MISSDRAGONTAT wrote :
Because partially you would be living in the shadows of the deceased.

No Thank You to that kind of headache.
MISSDRAGONTAT is correct in what she said though not exactly what I would have said.

I have known a LOT of widows over the years and only two ever got past their late husband and moved on to a new life. At my age I get quite a few widows on eHarmony (not so on other sites) and I have been burned too many times by the widows that I just have no interest in wasting my time with them any longer.

Just as you consider a divorced guy to be defective. It may not have been his fault for the divorce except that his people picker was not properly tuned.
 
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suzyque is offline suzyque Post #7  May 17,2010, 4:43pm
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My last relationship was with a widower. It was great, he was very well adjusted, we talked about his deceased wife, but more in a casual way. He was married to her 20 years, kinda hard to not bring her up. We broke up for reasons entirely separate from him being a widow.

Sorry, this is off topic, but have to stick up for widows and widowers. Shouldn't lump them all in one category.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  May 17,2010, 4:47pm
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MISSDRAGONTAT wrote :
Because partially you would be living in the shadows of the deceased.

No Thank You to that kind of headache.
Thank you and welcome to the Advice boards.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  May 17,2010, 4:48pm
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suzyque wrote :
My last relationship was with a widower. It was great, he was very well adjusted, we talked about his deceased wife, but more in a casual way. He was married to her 20 years, kinda hard to not bring her up. We broke up for reasons entirely separate from him being a widow.

Sorry, this is off topic, but have to stick up for widows and widowers. Shouldn't lump them all in one category.
In my experience widowers are much more likely to move ahead in life.
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #10  May 17,2010, 5:46pm

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Hi Bobati,

This is a good question, and very important to some of our members for various reasons. The matching is based on compatibility and relationship health/success research conducted by our team of psychologists. According to their findings, a person’s marital status alone (never-married, divorced, widowed) generally doesn’t predict future relationship success.

Marital status is also considered private information to some matches, and so we don’t require it to be posted. Of course, as stated, if a member is still married/separated they aren’t allowed to participate in the matching service.

All that said, it’s valid that it is important to you, and understandable that it may be information you’d like to have available before getting too far into communication with a match. Since it does sound like a deal-breaker, you might consider graciously mentioning on your profile that you’d prefer to be with someone who is in the same place as you are, someone who has never been married. Since you are 24 years old, the majority of your matches will most likely never have married.

Best of luck to you!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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