The cyber Cyrano -- is it cheating to hire a profile and email writer


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nightling is offline nightling Post #1  May 15,2010, 12:34pm
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We have had some heated discussions in the past about whether we should help people by writing parts of the profile. Some feel it is deceptive and that it could lead to further deceptions such as having people ask for help writing the emails themselves.

In fact, it turns out, professional services exist to write not only profiles but emails as well.

Is it cheating?

Kathryn B. Lord - Find-A-Sweetheart: Is this romance coaching or is it cheating?

I've called him a “Cyber Cyrano”, after the large-nosed 17th-century French dramatist and duellist Cyrano de Bergerac, who was immortalised on stage by Edmond Rostand. In Rostand’s play, Cyrano seduces the beautiful Roxane on behalf of the doomed, but more conventionally handsome Christian. But Prager took issue with this comparison, and suggested instead that he was, in fact, closer to an avatar, a cyber version of the client’s own personality.

“I’ve heard the Cyrano thing before,” Prager says, “but I’m not even that classy. I’m doing a dirty job that nobody wants to do. I think the mercy for my clients is that they’re cut out of the process entirely. They’re generally people who get a lot of emails in the course of their jobs, and tend to answer them at a brisk rhythm. The prospect of trawling through more, even for dating purposes, doesn’t appeal. I feel like the only reason I even have this work is that people view it as such a pain in the ass, and the idea of outsourcing it is appealing to them.”
Last edited by nightling; May 16,2010 at 6:53am.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  May 15,2010, 6:47pm
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I would not use the term cheating for this type of thing but it is certainly a bit deceptive. Though this is exactly what Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker does. What keeps her service from being deceptive is that both people know that she is matching and coaching one or both.
 
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Breezy1 is online now Breezy1 Post #3  May 15,2010, 7:06pm
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I think that as long as the profile is an honest reflection of the owner, it isn't too big a deal
 
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DrTonya is offline DrTonya Post #4  May 15,2010, 7:34pm
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Hey Nightling,

I actually started a thread about this exact topic earlier this week after seeing an article on MSNBC. Here is the link if you are interested in the thread, which links the article. Got some interesting responses.

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...ne-dating.html (Outsourcing Online Dating?)
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #5  May 15,2010, 9:22pm
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Didn't Cyrano get the girl in the end? So I guess if you're going to hire a profile/email writer you better make sure they don't get to meet the object of your affections!

I wouldn't view hiring a profile writer as cheating ... but I think the quirky uniqueness that people write for themselves would be lost. I'm not a big fan of ultrasmooooooth profiles, myself.

Hiring an email writer? If I found out a match had hired someone to write emails to me, I'd be horrified and that would be the end of it. I expect those communications to be between me and him, not me, him, and his personal representative!
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #6  May 15,2010, 9:25pm
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Sassafras54 wrote :
Didn't Cyrano get the girl in the end? So I guess if you're going to hire a profile/email writer you better make sure they don't get to meet the object of your affections!

I wouldn't view hiring a profile writer as cheating ... but I think the quirky uniqueness that people write for themselves would be lost. I'm not a big fan of ultrasmooooooth profiles, myself.

Hiring an email writer? If I found out a match had hired someone to write emails to me, I'd be horrified and that would be the end of it. I expect those communications to be between me and him, not me, him, and his personal representative!
Yes in this case the guy combines both services. The guy escapes the pangs of rejection. He meets only matches that make it to OC and a first date.

They don't draw out the emailing, they seek a meeting asap.
 
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nightling is offline nightling Post #7  May 15,2010, 9:28pm
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DrTonya wrote :
Hey Nightling,

I actually started a thread about this exact topic earlier this week after seeing an article on MSNBC. Here is the link if you are interested in the thread, which links the article. Got some interesting responses.

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...ne-dating.html (Outsourcing Online Dating?)
Oh well hehe I missed it! Sorry!
 
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ThePriestess is online now ThePriestess Post #8  May 16,2010, 5:35am
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Yes.
 
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JaJae is offline JaJae Post #9  May 16,2010, 5:51am
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I think seeking help writing profile information is fine. Some people have difficulty describing or writing about themselves. However, having someone else write your e-mails for you when there is no language barrier is very creepy. A lot of information shared on this site is private and shared only because you believe you are having direct communication with the individual represented in the profile.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #10  May 16,2010, 5:57am
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wrote :
I’ve heard the Cyrano thing before,” Prager says, “but I’m not even that classy. I’m doing a dirty job that nobody wants to do. I think the mercy for my clients is that they’re cut out of the process entirely. They’re generally people who get a lot of emails in the course of their jobs, and tend to answer them at a brisk rhythm. The prospect of trawling through more, even for dating purposes, doesn’t appeal.
question: If people are having this done for them, how much effort will they actually put into the relationship?

I've got a idea..just have the guy go on the dates also...
act as surrogate boyfriend...then, husband, yada...yada...
much easier...
Last edited by TheThinker; May 16,2010 at 5:59am.
 
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